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A playlist for post-nut clarity

» Music for International Single Awareness Day

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Richard Dick
Senior Columnist

 

Nene like a little Valentine’s Day to
remind you that, globally, everyone

is hitting it. No big deal though! You and
your hand—or your vibrator (affectionately
named Sefior Edwardo Ricardo Vibrato)—
have the night to yourselves. And while
everyone and their mom is preaching

the benefits of this specific type of “self
care,’ we all know that masturbation isn’t
always a pretty sight. Post-nut clarity hits
hard sometimes—and can be especially
nasty when you've defiled yourself with
some particularly appalling stimulation
materials. In celebration of International

  
   
  
 
 
      

Single Awareness Day, here is a playlist to
ponder when your mind’s inner eye has
been opened (and your porn tabs have
been closed).

“Here You Come Again” by Dolly Parton
Dolly offers many songs that fit in that
classic “tragic but beautiful” genre—and
this might just be exactly what you're
looking for. There are SO many options if
you want to depress yourself with Dolly's
perfect voice, but this classic is undeniable.
This song is all about the singer working
hard to fix her life, and then her ex comes
in her life again so she can’t help but throw
it all away for him. Sometimes you just got
to let Dolly sing her woes to you.

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“Veridis Quo” by Daft Punk off the
album Discovery

The perfect repetitive music to stare out
the window while listening to. A lot of
Discovery’s songs are very calming with
their slow, pleasant, and smooth tones.
“Voyager” is another great example of
this. This album easily serves as the ideal
backdrop for some meaningful thought.

“Tl Be Your Woman” by St. Paul and
The Broken Bones

Another boohoo song to add to your “I’m
sad” playlist. The soul band St. Paul and
The Broken Bones features vocals by the
stupefying talent Paul Janeway. This dude
can scream. Other great songs by this band

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Photo by Arnaldo Fragozo

to cry to include “Waves,” “LivWithoutU,”
“Tears in the Diamond,’ and “Convex.”

“Lonely” by Akon

Remember this absolute bop? Time to let
Mr. Lonely, also known as the hit musician
Akon, speak to the woes in your heart.
(This was also the first song that launched
icon Akon to fame. Thank god for this 2005
song.)

“Fuck You” by CeeLo Green

Maybe you've recently left a crap
relationship and you're celebrating being
alone instead of mourning? “Fuck You” by
CeeLo Green is the only song you need on
your playlist.