That’s some bad movie, Harry You’re gonna need a better reason to see Shark Night 3D By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor ast summer we were treated to L= surprise hit Piranha 3D, a modern day spin on a bloody beach B-movie. That movie had everything; cheesy 3D effects, coke- snorting porn directors, Eli Roth getting his face mauled by a propeller, and even Christopher Lloyd! The initial reaction “to such a movie was perhaps worded best by one Sammy J in the 1999 classic, Deep Blue Sea: “Well, they can get a whole lot worse,” and with Shark Night 3D, they did. As the story goes, seven college students go down to their friend Sara’s (Sara Paxton) lake house for the weekend. Sara’s well known ‘round these parts because her dad is Lake Pontchartrain’s [insert fancy- sounding job title here]. She’s also known for being the one that got away (zing!) so that she could attend Tulane University for three years (just incase you miss the ten times they say it). Unfortunately for this charming group of horny, Halo-playing, tit-wagging twenty- something’s, there be some hillbillies ‘round here tryin’ to cause a ruckus. Oh, and there are sharks somewhere halfway through, too. It should be noted that Alexandre Aja, the director of Piranha 3D, is not “This film somehow had a bigger budget than Piranha 3D, and yet it resorted to stock footage from what looked to be Discovery Channel audience by asking how specials and other shark movies...” the mind behind Shark Night 3D. Rather, that respectable credit goes to none other than David R. Ellis, the guy that just barely managed not to screw up Snakes on a Plane (2006). With that in mind, it should be of no surprise that Shark Night 3D is quite the disappointment compared to its spiritual predecessor. This film somehow had a bigger budget than Piranha 3D, and yet it resorted to stock footage from what looked to be Discovery Channel specials and other shark movies for the opening and closing credit sequences. Then of course we have multiple shots being sped up and cut to make everyone and everything look like it’s flailing around. One such moment was when we got to enjoy the entire car ride to the lake. Piranha 3D was far from sophisticated, but at least it had some restraint (again, coke-snorting porn directors). Sure, there was plenty of nudity, and gore to go with it, but that’s because it wanted to push its R-rating. Here, we get more 14A slasher garbage that instead chooses to mentally scar its you would rather go: hillbillies or miniature sharks? Classy. Shark Night 3D asks a lot of its audience in just having them sit through it. It’s not funny when it tries to be, any redeemable characters rarely shine through, and as for the sharks, you get a variety, and some cool jump scares, but that’s about it. Swim away from this one while you can folks. 1/5 OOOat Proclamations from a PAX rookie A lesson in nerd Angela Espinoza Arts Reviewer t some point, we will all find our A= in life. Mine as it turns out was amongst 70,000 nerds at the Washington State Convention Center for a weekend. And by God, was it glorious. Every year the Penny Arcade Expo occurs in Boston (PAX East) and Seattle (PAX Prime). For those who may not know, PAX is a three-day braingasm of all things involving video and tabletop gaming. After years of waiting patiently by the warm glow of my computer, I finally got to attend one-of these bad boys. Now gentle reader, allow me to reflect upon some life-changing lessons I’ve learned. Pack nothing, buy everything If you’re like me, you try to plan for every possible outcome. Not here. You’re in a swanky hotel for crying out loud! Unless you’re going in costume, your only outfit will be the one you wear the day you leave. Why? If you’re not wearing a portion of your new free shirts, then you’ll be wearing a portion of your new bought shirts before the weekend is up. On that note, everything here is cheaper than (1) in Canada or (2) online, so shut off your brain and spend. I did. Have I introduced you to my Companion Cubes? Damn right that’s plural. In their tongue, it is “swag” You’re going to spend a lot of money, so plan for that. But you’re also going to be getting a mountain of free stuff. Everything from posters, to bags, to giant foam chainsaw hands will be thrown at your feet. You know how people throw rice at a wedding? It’s like that, only awesome. Don’t just.collect based on the fact that it’s free though. Just about everything you get this year will not be there next year, so get while the getting’s good. “V?’M NOT TWENTY-ONE!” If this is the case, I might actually suggest not going. This nearly spoiled an otherwise perfect weekend for me. Moving on! For you, by people more important than you As this is a convention, there are many panels happening each day. The three I attended were all drastically different from each other, so I suggest you assume nothing going in (except maybe line- length). If you can actually find some time for one that catches your eye, you should probably go. If for no other reason, there’s a chance you’ll get some swag available to no one else afterwards. Rule of three Unless time is seriously an issue, do yourself a favour and go for the three-day pass. For (as of this year) $65.00, you’re getting way more than your money’s worth. Odds are your wallet has become accustomed to your geeky lifestyle by now anyway, so why skimp out? My last piece of advice is simple: go with the flow. Don’t over think anything and just do what everyone else is doing. You’re going to have a lot more fun this way. If you’ve never gone before, hopefully this placed some insight on what to expect for your eventual and completely necessary trek. If you have, hope you had fun this year and I can’t wait to see you again next year! Psst, look over here! September review bulletin reetings, unique individual! How kind of you to join myself in whatever it is you're also doing. As you may have ‘ noticed, I am a student newspaper, and as a student newspaper, I lack the noodly appendages necessary to write the articles that fill my pages. That’s where you come in! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will require you to tell us what you think about any of the following: Game Review: Dead Island — Out September 6* Game Review: Resistance 3 © - — Out September 6* Game Review: Crimson Alliance — Out September 7* Concert Review: PS I Love You — September 8 @ Electric Owl Film Review: Contagion — Opening September 9* Film Review: Warrior — Opening September 9* Concert Review: Maroon 5 and Train — September 12 @ Abbotsford Entertainment & Sports Centre Album Review: A Sea of Memories (Bush) — Out September 13* Album Review: A Dramatic Turn of Events (Dream Theater) — Out September 13* Album Review: Own the Night (Lady Antebellum) — Out September 13* Album Review: Green Naugahyde (Primus) — Out September 13* Game Review: The Gunstringer — Out September 13* Concert Review: Band of Horses — September 14 @ Commodore Ballroom * Indicates the article should contain a rating out of five “So why me,” you’re probably asking _ yourself. Well sir or madam, mostly because you're smart, sexy, and already overqualified for the job. How? You made it to college, didn’t you? With that said, here’s what we expect out of those devilishly soft hands of yours: ¢. Opinionated reviews on any of the above (Did you like it? Did you hate : it?) * A brief and creative beading and subhead * 400-700 words Be sure to send your article(s) or any questions you may have to arts@theotherpress., ca. Articles should be sent in by 5:00pm on — September 15 at the latest. Most importantly, _ don’t fear the mission, it won’t bite you. If you can spell your name, you can write an article! — os