issue 26// vol 45 >» Yassss, kween! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor Ri Lapointe, 24, announced to press ast Thursday that she reportedly “lurves” popular reality show RuPaul’s Drag Race. “Has anybody here even seen the show?” she said of the Emmy award- winning television series with over 10 seasons. “I’m probably the only person who’s ever seen this very well-known show that’s also on Netflix.” Like millions of viewers worldwide, Lapointe has fallen in love with the gorgeous and talented queens who battle it out for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar. “T just love how pretty all the men look in makeup,” Lapointe said. “I like Violet Chachki because she’s the prettiest one.” RuPaul’s Drag Race explores many themes including sexual and gender identity, socioeconomic politics, and what it means to be a marginalized individual in today’s society. Straight white blonde girl really getting into ‘Drag Race’ “T like when they walk down the runway in big heels,” Lapointe said. “They're just like me, awoman!” Other Press reporters spoke to Alexis Sofia, pop culture analyst, for more insight on the reality show. “Although RuPaul’s Drag Race helped to present drag to the masses, ultimately what you're seeing every week is a small facet of what drag really is. Remember, it’s a reality show where contestants are being judged, so only the drag that RuPaul—or World of Wonder, the show’s producers— likes will be presented.” When presented with this information, Lapointe had only this to say: “Okurr!” Reporters spoke to other viewers for their personal takes. “Seeing the queens giving their all every week and honing their craft—it’s so Whole new family scavenged from alley » Washed, dried, and good as new! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor nlookers were stunned last Wednesday when local woman Sophie Zoonan happened upon a lightly used family in an alleyway in Kitsilano. “Someone just left a perfectly good Family Unit out behind their house,” Zoonan said, dusting off her new mother. “It’s amazing what some people will throw away.” Zoonan’s great find included a mother, father, older sister, and younger brother. “T've heard about some people finding a whole family intact with a dog,” Zoonan said. “But you have to take what you can get.” She found the family when she was skateboarding along the flat alleyways in Kits, where wealthy people often abandon used furniture and homeware for scavengers to pick up. “Lsaw them just lying in a box next to the yard waste and lawn trimmings bin, and when I went to take a look, I saw that they were almost in mint condition. Judging by their clothes, I would go as far as to call them vintage. They're going to look so cute in my apartment!” Other Press reporters took photos of the Family Unit to an antiques dealer to see if the retail price could be determined. “This seems to be a family model from the ’gos,” antiquarian Ronald Fawcett told reporters. “We're looking at around $450 for the complete set. I see there’s some general wear and tear, and some dings on the brother's front teeth and scrapes on the knees and elbows. You can see that these models aren't as progressive or minimalistic as today’s models. Still, you can see the craftsmanship and general sturdiness that you just aren't seeing in more modern families. All in all, Miss Zoonan deserves a congratulations.” Despite Fawcett’s words, Zoonan had some qualms about how the vintage family was programmed. “The father comes with a built-in misogyny function that all fathers were programmed with back in the day. I might be able to take him to a shop to get jailbroken. And the mother has a virus that makes her prone to depression and anxiety. Still though, it’s one of my best finds. My other great find was a pressure cooker, so this is a close second.” As far as her plans for the family? “I’m going to hose them down in my backyard first, just to make sure there’s no risk of bedbugs,” Zoonan said. “Then I'll probably use them for a photoshoot or two. I might get around to doing something big with them someday, but for now I think they'll look really nice in my living or dining room. Though multiple attempts to reach the previous owners of the family were made, no one was able to comment. “Anyone who throws away a family just like that like that probably doesn’t want their name spread around,” Fawcett said. “The least they could do is recycle them. Absolutely disgusting.” c¢ They're just like me, a woman!” —Riley Lapointe, superfan and white girl inspirational to me,” said Jesse Edwards, amateur drag performer. “It gives me hope that one day I can reach levels of notoriety.” “So many contestants found their chosen families through drag, and as someone who is estranged from their own family, it really makes me feel like there’s a community out there,” said Dana MeMichaels. “Lots of queens of colour are represented on the show, and it’s amazing seeing people like me broadcasted worldwide,” Nat Carrera said to reporters. “I hope to one day see a Puerto Rican queen take home the crown.’ “My favourite season is season seven because that’s when all the prettiest queens humour // no. 17 were on, like Pearl and Miss Fame,’ said Lapointe. “I don't like watching any season before season five because everyone looks so bad. Every week I go out to a bar and watch the latest episode with my one gay friend, who also loves Drag Race and says all the catchphrases with me. In fact, our entire friendship is based around the show and how performative we can be when we're together in a public space. If he ever got a boyfriend, I don’t know what I would do because at this point, he’s literally a facet of my personality. Werk!” When asked if she had any plans to attend local drag shows, Lapointe had this to say: “There's local drag shows?” All of your friends mad at that thing you did » ‘Why did you do the thing? We told you not to do the thing!’ Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor reputable news source announced hat all of your friends are upset and annoyed at that thing you did. In a recent interview, you told reporters that you “thought you got away with [the incident]” and that “pretty much nobody had noticed it,” but our sources determined that this was false. Reports even closer to the source (the source being you) explained that the animosity from your friends stems from not one isolated incident, but many over time that built up into a kind of “volcano of hate.” Other Press reporters spoke to sociologist Mary Fraser about why all of your friends were pissed at you all at the same time. “Tt turns out that the subject [you] often acts in a way that is both juvenile and self-aggrandizing. The subject isn’t open to any criticism, and often acts out of spite or immediately goes on the defensive. Additionally, the subject isa big, whiny baby who needs to either grow up or shut up. Also, their pouting is not cute, and they are much too old to dress the way that they do.” In an interview with your parents it was revealed that they couldn't stand you either. “{Your Name] has always acted this way, even as a child, your mother said. “If [Your Name] didn’t get their way, everybody would suffer. It’s no surprise that [Your Name] has managed to tick off every single friend they have.” “Lalso hate [Your Name], your father added. To add insult to injury, ina poll run by the Other Press, almost all of your friends find you insufferable when you drink, and 80 percent say you can’t dance. “Also, you can’t keep using Tinder, saying you hate Tinder, delete it for three days, then separately ask each of us if you should download Tinder again,” one of your friends said. “Either download it or don’t. Nobody cares.” Is there any hope for you? “{Your Name] could start by including money for a tip whenever we all order DoorDash on one credit card,” your best friend told reporters. “Don't think we don't notice that, because we do. It’s like, we use my credit card, but I have to give the delivery guy a five dollar tip out of my own pocket? You have to leave at least a ten percent tip. It’s built right into the app.” Other suggested remedies for your behaviour include washing the dishes whenever a friend invites you over for dinner, liking close friends’ Instagram pictures as soon as they’re posted, offering your place for someone to crash, and to stop using finger guns. “Are they still doing that finger gun thing?” your father asked. “Jesus Christ.”