’ the ther Press Volume 23 © Issue 13 © January 13 1999 Room 1020-700 Royal Avenue New Westminster, BC V3L 5B2 submit@op.douglas.bc.ca general@op.douglas.bc.ca Fax//604.525.3505 or 604.527.5095 Phone//604.525.3542 David Lam Campos Room a3107 Phone//604.527.5805 The Other Press is Douglas oe: autonomous student newspaper. We've been publishing since 1976. The Other Press is run as a non- hierarchical collective, which means that if anything goes Reverend Tom When studying Shake- speare, it is imperative that one look at the entire picture for it is useless if not unproductive and downright rude to merely read his work for what it is: A bunch of words that sound nice when arranged in an orderly fashion on a page with a “thou” stuck in hither-tither to add spice. Much like Velveeta when added to salsa to give that quick yet oh-so- refreshing zest to your holiday meal ideas or a a glimpse of relief, when the, comma, was used. “As was typical of the early years” says Dr. Clayten Zirdum “when Bill had an extremely large fear of the unknown and the end of the world, indeed the apocalypse, he would go to great lengths to ,avoid ending a sentence which, in his mind, sym- bolized man’s struggle against the inevitable conclusion to that which we call life and it is this fear which is a common theme in the early pieces Winnebagos and subsist entirely on cheese toast or Richard III the much sought after sequel to the other plays with numbers in their titles. It became so prominent that to this day, all English lit. classes are made to interpret “the” as the key word in any Shakespeare piece and entire premises that were not originally in the story could be invented merely by deeper exploration of “the.” The period (anno- tated “”) gives us a mies turned into a nitrogen atom at night to sneak out and play Dungeons and Dragons with Star Trek geeks. To further complicate matters, Shakespeare was fond of tacking on an extra “e” to the end of “the” to form “thee.” This word had a huge impact on the literary world when it was interpreted by Dr. Ivan Oshaway to say “the” had now gone from represent- ing man’s tolerance of rancid radishes, to being spelled with two “E's” like Godzilla vs. the Blamange, and A Midsum- mer Nights Dream Involving Smelly Felts. The usage of the word “the” is another innovative signature used exclusively by Shakespeare to express his deepest anguish and desires. We can see in the passage “see the ball” from a lesser known sonnet, he clearly implicates the king and queen of England in an S&L scandal hundreds of years before S&l’s were even invented. Whereas in “eat the small mouth bass” he is trying to get across his philosophy of man’s struggle against the tran- sistor radio. Underlying principles that could go unnoticed to an untrained eye. Usage of “the” was deemed so necessary by Shakespeare that many of the better known plays actually have it in the title. Titles such as The Taming of the Shrew where he implies that one day, man will live exclusively in wrong, none will take the blame. Expect us to pass the buck. glimpse at the man behind the plays. It has been fought out in nearly every class that studied the playwright: By using the period at the end of the sentence, was Shakespeare trying to convey the now timeless message of Don't Eat Yellow Snow (DEYS), or was he trying to say that he had now overcome his fear of run on sentences, or that the illusion of mediocrity is simply a projection of inadequacy proposed by the upper ruling class? “Or was he just trying to end a sentence” pro- poses un-learned heathen Mark Olsen, author of I’m Not An Idiot Savant: I Am But Half, in which he hypothesizes that the period (or “dot”) at the end of a sentence is but the termination of an idea. Scholars have disproven him, and have agreed that the period symbolizes a traumatic area in Shake- speare’s life in which he signifying the struggle Shakespeare faced on a daily basis of his addiction to Zima. This mutation that Shakespeare imposed on “the” represents the daily struggle of all men to come to grips with latex.” A common thread in all Shakespeare’s work is the letter “B”. In all pieces ever written by him, there appears this letter, com- monly referred to as “the second letter” by John Singleton, the well known Shakespeare buff and cosmetician. “He defined an entirely new style of writing back in the six- teenth century by using the letter “b” that still continues on today. Few writers had such an impact on the world of literature in this way. This style can be seen in numerous papers written by scholars who don’t know what they're doing.” spatula added to any ordinary cutlery drawer that will make your friends titter with delight when they reach for a dessert spoon, or even the occa- sional run on meandering sentence. To fully enjoy Shake- speare, one must read between the lines, and infer those innuendoes that are not actually there, unless you are writing an English paper. “It is this sort of melancholy” writes E. Henry Trippshaw in his book Shakespeare ona Dollar a Day “that has led the Western World to undermine the values put forth by David “popular in Germany” Hasselhoff.” Early on in Shake- speare’s writing career, widely used was the so- called “run on sentence” so named because it would frequently go on and on for a length of paper with no end in sight, giving but The OP is published weekly during the fall and winter semesters and monthly [as a magazine] during the summer. When we manage to publish at all. In this case, we blame technology. We receive our funding from a student levy collected every semester at registration, and from local and national advertising revenue. But, if you really want it, we'll give you your money back. Please, don't ask. The Other Press is a member of the Canadian University Press (CUP), a cooperative of student newspapers from across Canada. We adhere to CUP’s Statement of Common Principles and Code of Ethics—not that we claim to understand them, we just stick by them. The Other Press reserves the right to choose what to publish, and what not to publish, but usually we print everything, unless it is racist, sexist or homophobic. If you have any quibbles with what we choose, maybe you should get your lazy butt down here and help. No, really. We can use the help. Coordinators Athletics ~ Hamish Knox sports@op.douglas.bc.ca Culture ~ Jen Swanston a&e@op.douglas.be.ca Coquitlam ~ Lorenzo Sia coq_coordinator@op.douglas.bc.ca CUP Liaison ~ Cathy Tan cup@op.douglas.bc.ca Distribution ~ Pierre Florendo Features ~ Annette Martin features@op.douglas.bc.ca News ~ Annette Martin news@op.douglas.bc.ca OP/Ed ~ Tom Laws opinions@op.douglas.bc.ca Photography ~ Dave Tam photo@op.douglas.bc.ca Photo Assistant: Kristina Holtz Production ~ Bodie Duble production_co@op.douglas.bc.ca Webslinger ~ Mark Smeets op_web@op.douglas.bc.ca ¢, F en esi ion Employees New West Advertising ~ Vacant ad@op.douglas.bc.ca Coquitlam Advertising ~ John Morash Bookkeeping ~ Zahra Jamal Production Resource ~ Joyce Robinson production@op.douglas.bc.ca Editorial Resource ~ Corene McKay ed_res@op.douglas.bc.ca ae 1 ao Pe 7 It. But write it down anyway and bring it to: Room 1020 New West campus or A3107 David Lam Contributors New Westminster: Holly Keyes, Jones, tech-no-holica. 2 January 13 1999 the Other Press