Shis issue: (Y Brick & Derision (¥ Humans of New West (CMM VeWilecee Ole [Oki m ace inleln And more! » Couple takes over-sharing to new extrem Sharon Miki Humour Editor M humour @theotherpress.ca ewlyweds Jessica Ochocinco-Smith and Corby Smith, both 23, have always been intent on showcasing and documenting their relationship on camera. The couple, who met just over a year ago at a Douglas College “Tight & Bright” pub night, has celebrated their burgeoning relationship with professional couple portraits, engagement portraits, pre- wedding portraits, wedding | B : portraits, honeymoon portraits, : trash-the-dress portraits, : and one-month-anniversary : portraits. Now, as their divorce : is imminent, the Smiths are : hoping to cherish their picture- : happy tradition with the latest : trend in ultra-cute couple's : photography: divorce portraits. “Oh, yeah, I totally hate his guts,” explained Jessica. : “But, like, I look really good in : asoft focus, and I figure that : we might as well finish our : collection before we never have : to see each other again, God : willing.” Jessica and Corby’s divorce photographer, Andy Simma, : claims that documenting ts profes = cut er | a =— : divorce with pricey portraits is : indeed a growing trend among : hip, photogenic pairs. “They : may be totally incompatible : on their day-to-day, but if they : look pretty winking over each : other’s shoulders in awkwardly : posed scenarios, then why not : take advantage of that? With : over 4o per cent of Canadian : marriages ending in divorce, it’s : areal opportunity market!” The divorce portraits will take place in the location that : the couple most hated to be ; together—their home. Simma : plans to shoot the Smiths mid- : argument, as well as standing : passive-aggressively far apart : from each other and not Been told you're too funny? Contact: Sharon Miki, Humour Editor M4 humour@theotherpress.ca www theotherpress.ca Seog e with divorce photo shoot : making eye contact. “It will all : be very glamorous,” said Jessica, : —. ‘ : ’ >? pict f ht aft : “and I'll finally get to wear black : ened tee tne : for one of these things.” Is the couple concerned that turning a major life event : into a fluffy photo shoot will : undermine the severity of the : experience? “Naw,” said Corby. “I mean, we took staged, outlandish : pictures for all the good stuff, : so we obviously didn’t take that : too seriously. Why should this : be any different?” “I’m hoping that posting these glam shots on my : Facebook might even help me : Meet a new guy sooner!” said : Jessica. With over 40 per cent of Canadian matriages ending in divorce, it’s a real opportunity market! The couple claims that— : although they both knew : almost immediately that their : marriage wouldn't work out— : they just really enjoyed taking pictures together. “Our couple’s shoot was : barnyard themed—we were : kissing on a tractor! A tractor! : In our engagement pictures, we : were, like, hiding in and around : old tires, kind of like hide- : and-seek? It was really cute. : And our honeymoon portraits : were totally to-die: we had the : photographer come and take ; consummated the marriage. We : really glowed,” raved Corby. In total, the Smiths : estimate that their year-long : relationship, two-month : marriage, and impending : divorce spawned approximately : $86,700 in photo shoot costs. “It may be expensive, but at : least we'll have our memories,” : said Corby. “Yeah, which is really : good, because looking at our : professional pictures is the only : time I can stand to look at your : disgusting face,” said Jessica, : rolling her eyes. Three-year-old robs corner store » Witnesses say he was armed with a Nerf gun Livia Turnbull Contributor At corner store was shaken up by a robbery on Tuesday afternoon. The suspect, three-year-old Tyler Conners, walked into the store armed witha toy Nerf gun. Conners seemed to be unaware of the crime and appeared to just be in search of candy. Sources say that Conners lives down the street from the store, and is often seen with his father. “When Conners came into the store, I got on the ground right away,” says a male witness. “Those foam darts really hurt, you know.” “I was so panicked that : I gave Conners the candy : right away,” says a cashier. : “He really wanted the Aero : bars. When he was distracted, : [hit the silent alarm.” Conners gorged himself : ona few Aero bars and then : walked over to the maga- : zine rack where he flipped : through an auto magazine. “He smeared the entire : thing with chocolate while : telling us to come over and : look at cars with him,” says a : female witness. “He expressed : plans to buy the red ‘truck’ : model as a getaway car. I just : didn’t know what to do.” Conners had just gone to : sleep ina quiet corner of the : store when the police arrived. : He attempted to evade arrest : by throwing a tantrum. “He was getting to be : pretty dangerous,” said : Constable Ryan Irenn. : “We debated about using : the taser on him, but we : decided that he would tire : himself out eventually.” Conners was sent back : to his home, where his father : promptly gave hima time out : and made him eat an extra : serving of vegetables for : dinner. However, it appears : some people are not happy : about Conners’ punishment. “That boy should have : spenta night in jail,” says : Dave Blackstone. “That'll : teach him to watch that Yo : Gabba Gabba filth. That : show encourages positive : creative expression, which : can lead to violence. I read : anarticle about that once.” People are also organizing : petitions calling for toy gun : control. However, some people : are against this movement. “The toy gun industry is : one of the last gun suppliers : not being controlled by : the government. If people : starting taking away our : toy guns, we'll have nothing : left to defend ourselves. : THANKS OBAMA,’ writes : Mark Andrews on Facebook. : “The Second Amendment is : are [sic] most importent [sic] : Amendment of ALL TIME.”