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ICBC announces new reflective decals for special motorists

‘L’ and ‘N’ to be joined by other warnings of incompetence behind the wheel

By Liam Britten, Humour Editor

driver awareness and make

the roads safer, the Insurance
Corporation of British Columbia
is requiring more types of drivers
to display reflective decals on the
backs of their cars to warn others of
their fitness for driving.

Currently, ICBC only issues two
types of reflective decals: the “L”
decal for learners behind the wheel,
and the “N” for newly-licensed
drivers. However, this will soon
change.

“The first decal we are
introducing is the ‘B’ decal, which
indicates ‘buzzed’” said ICBC
media contact Mark Jan Vrem. “This
decal tells other road users that the
driver in question has had a few,
but isn’t too bad. You know, maybe
he went to the bar, was supposed
to be designated driver, had one,
one led to another, you know how
it goes. But they aren’t shitfaced,
that’s for sure—shitfaced drivers
are required to display the ‘S’
decal.”

Vrem says that by better
informing drivers of road hazards,
they can prevent accidents. He also
mentions that vehicle decals have

I: an effort to better improve

 

been in use in the province off and
on since the ‘50s with great success.

“Of course, in those days, only
women were obligated to display
a decal, the ‘D,’ which stood for
‘dizzy dame.’ The Charter of Rights
and Freedoms doesn’t allow us to
use that decal anymore.”

In addition to the “B” and “5S”
decals, ICBC will be introducing
decals such as the “H” for “Horrible
parallel parker,” the “O” for “Old
as all hell, will travel 20 below
the speed limit,” the “T” which
indicates “Two children in a long
coat pretending to be an adult,”
and the “R” which indicates “Right
blinker left on by accident, I don’t
actually plan on turning right for
about eight blocks.”

“We're especially proud of the
“V’ decal, which will inform all
motorists that the person in front
of them is from Victoria,” Vrem
told The Other Press. “Hopefully,
this will allow people to be aware
of possibly hazardous, certainly
annoying behaviour from these
drivers. They will turn or change
lanes without signalling, they'll go
slow for no reason, they’Il be high,
but it’s our hope that the ‘V’ decal
will take the surprise factor out of
driving with these morons.”

 

 

 

Polar bears outraged over
Coca-Cola colour change
By Allie Davison, Staff Writer

numbers anyways. In an effort to reach out and

support the declining breed of bears, popular
beverage company Coca-Cola has changed the look of
their regular Coke cans from classic red, to white with
a few of the majestic beasts printed on the sides.

Although the company had the best intentions—
not only are they making a donation of $2 million
to the needy bears, but they will match consumer
donations up to another $1 million—the leader of
the North Pole Polar Bear clan, Ice Cold, has been
publicly speaking negatively about the change. “It’s
not that we're not grateful to Coca-Cola for their
kind donation, it’s just that the can colour change
has been causing problems in our society. Polar
bears everywhere have been sent out to bring some
Diet Coke back to their dens, and are returning with
Classic Coke, in a white can. As we are a calorie-
conscious breed, you can only imagine the mayhem
this has caused.”

Cold went on to say that some short-tempered
bears had even started fights over the issue. “Cubs
running away, mates clawing at each other; it’s chaos,
just chaos.”

Thankfully, Coca-Cola has seen the error of their
ways and stopped production of the white Classic
Coke cans. Although they will not be recalling the
cans, once they are all sold, only the red can that
everyone knows, recognizes, and loves will be seen
on shelves. Smooth move, Coke.

P= bears just aren’t what they used to be: in

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