Baffled by the imaginary baby-bubble

Illogical Baby-On-Board signs

By Natalie Serafini

am not a good driver.
Granted, I’m still learning,
so it’s understandable if I’m not
quite up to speed. I have yet to
figure out how to turn, drive
straight, or even stop. Despite my
lack of proficiency, I’m offended

| pains me to admit this, but I

 

when others suggest that I don’t
know what I’m doing. My mom
once freaked out because I mistook
the gas for the brake, and I’ve
refused to drive with her ever since.
Well, she hasn’t exactly suggested
that we go driving together, but if
she did, I would refuse. Then there’s
that offensive little yellow sign
intended to create a safety bubble
around cars that purport to contain
babies.

Apart from inspiring a song for
an episode of The Simpsons, there is
no point to Baby-On-Board signs.
In fact, they only serve to irritate
me. These signs imply that I am
either an incompetent driver, or
that I choose to drive recklessly.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want
any innocent people, infant or
otherwise, injured—especially
because of me. I love chubby little
babies as much as the next person,
but I do my best to drive as well as
I can, regardless of those glaring
yellow signs.

I’m already trying to avoid

Opinions.

hitting you and your car, whether
it contains a baby or not. What is
this assumption that I would drive
recklessly if not for the knowledge
that there is a baby present? Yeah,
I was going to plow into your cat,
drive you off the road, or perhaps
just tailgate. Too bad you have a
baby on board! Now I'll have to

perma-baby.

Worst of all, in my experience,
the people toting these signs are
often the ones driving the most
recklessly. Everyone else is busy
looking out for the baby, so it’s
perfectly fine to zip along, weaving
through traffic, safe in an imaginary
protective baby-bubble. If you’re

“Yeah, | was going to plow into your car, drive you off the road, or
perhaps just tailgate. Too bad you have a baby on board! Now I'll
have to find a car full of people not newly birthed to terrorize.’

find a car full of people not newly
birthed to terrorize.

And sometimes I wonder if
there really is a baby on board. |
certainly can’t see or hear the baby,
so for all I know, it could be false
advertising! I don’t imagine the
sign comes down every time the
baby is removed, and it’s doubtful
that the car contains some form of

going to caution those around you
to be mindful of the baby in your
car, have the courtesy to do the
same.

I lack proficiency, but that
doesn’t mean I’m incompetent. I
may not be a good driver yet, but
how dare you assume I’m a bad
one.

 

Cut it out clippers

Why public nail clipping gets the thumbs-down

By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer

hile I was riding home
on the SkyTrain the
other day, I heard a quite

audible clicking noise of sorts. At
first, I thought nothing of it, passing
it off as maybe a child tapping

on the window or something

Sad to say, while this was the
first time I had encountered such a
practice on a SkyTrain, it is by no
means an isolated event. Friends
of mine have observed public nail
clipping in libraries. Libraries. One
would think any who occupy such
a great repository of knowledge
would be able to maintain a higher

“Like dogs, it seems that some are intent on making the world their
washroom.”

similar. However, when the sound
persisted, my curiosity (and rising
ire) forced me to investigate the
source of the petulant noise. As it
turns out, it was a young woman
seated across from me—she was
clipping her fingernails.

Um, ew? Thoroughly repulsed,
it was all I could do to say, “that’s
kind of disgusting, isn’t it!?” The
response to my exclamation? A
quizzical, yet taken-aback look—
which was then followed by a
resumption of the process. Far too
exhausted to deal with the obvious
communication barrier, I settled for
shooting dark scowls at the object
of my anger for the remainder of
my trip.

degree of decorum. Newspaper
clippings only please.

Did I miss the boat here or
something? Since when did it
become acceptable to carry out
(previously) private ablutions in
public? Is this the new planking?
The new owling? I sincerely hope
not, since the progression of fads
down this route could lead to some
very unsightly scenarios. But I
digress. In a society that has been
steadily desensitized to pretty much
everything, perhaps this is just the
next step. As soon as this is deemed
socially acceptable, the toenails
will make an appearance. Followed
by shaving, brushing teeth, and
general grooming. Like dogs, it

seems that some are intent on
making the world their washroom.
Outward appearances aside, in
taking care of their own hygiene,
public nail clippers can stand to
harm everyone else’s health. Nails
are a great carrier of filth. When
they are cut, they often form a sharp
jagged shape. Should a clipping

 

find its way onto a chair, and an
unsuspecting person sits on that
clipping, he will receive not only a
sudden jab, but a possible instance
of infection as well.

Public nail clipping is vile,
inconsiderate, and a possible health
risk. A definite no-no in my books.

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