Pressing

Vaccination and mental illness are alike: Scientifically demonstrated, yet many refuse to ac-
knowledge their importance. I believed the myth that depression was just feeling down all the
time—like Eeyore. I also believed it would never happen to me. I never realized that my con-
stant anger, extreme mood swings, and destructive urges were symptoms of depression until I
found myself in the darkest depths I have ever visited. Since addiction is the only mental illness
they cover in high school health classes, I certainly wasn’t prepared for the impact on my body
and my psyche.

My depressive episodes manifest similarly to pressing—a medieval method of torture that
involves stacking heavy stones on the chest of a victim until either their ribs crack or they suffo-
cate. After it builds for a while, the burden weighs so heavily that it takes all of my “spoons” just
to wake up and the “I Don’t Wannas’” spread through my life like plague-ridden fleas.

In times of extreme stress, it’s like my executioner drops Stonehenge on me all at once,
instead of small stones one by one. Even the physical effects don’t terrify me as much as the
damage these episodes do mentally and emotionally: My inner nihilist comes out if I’m lucky.

(Un)fortunately, people I love and admire endure the same illness, and sharing our burdens
has made it a little easier to move forward. As has recognizing the necessity of medication—
something that terrified me despite knowing I would do the same for a physical illness, such as
pneumonia. Above all, depression taught me that silence on either side of the divide is as deadly
as polio or smallpox. Mental illness is unpreventable: All we can do is listen to those who suffer
without shaming them or belittling their experiences.

Petina Musselman

Mental illness isn’t who | am, but it is always with me

I was told years ago that I would not escape my mental illness, and that due to the sever-
ity of my condition, I would likely be on medication for the rest of my life.

This is a hard thing to hear when you’ on the cusp of adulthood, finally free to dis-
cover who you are, and who you can be. It felt a little like my legs had been cut out from
under me. I always thought there would be an exit. I thought there might be a cure.
Some mental illness is acute, not chronic. In fact, I’d be willing to say that many, maybe
even most instances of mental illness are not permanent, and I think that’s important
for people to know. I don’t think you should assume if you're diagnosed with depression
or anxiety, that there is no getting through it.

I have always been mentally ill. 1 always will be mentally ill. There is something
wrong with the way my brain works, and there is no escaping that. For a while, I thought
this meant that there would be no recovery.

What I didn’t realize was that you can recover from mental illness, even if you are
never cured. You can get better at recognizing relapses, at catching episodes before they
spiral out of control. It is lifelong work, and it doesn’t necessarily get easier, but you be-
come more practiced as time moves forward.

Iam not my mental illness, but it is always with me. It will always touch different
aspects of my life, whether I want it to or not. It limits me. But it will not end me.
Anonymous

  
  

 
 
 
   
    
 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
 

LS aR ™ 4; m