“April Fool - Pattison admits EF “Heck, | thought you guys would have caught on a long time ago”, he added. Pattison“made the startling confession during an in-flight press conference April 1st by J REMBO aboard his private leer jet, en route to the Carribean island of Granada. “Heck, I’m not even going to be back in the province untill early June. I'll be tied up down in Granada, setting up a TV rental business.’’ Premier Bill Bennet was not available for comment. Neither were any of the cabin- et ministers, any member of the Social Credit caucus, high-level bureacrats, or the administrative assistants, sec- retaries, valets, cooks, maids, janitors, or nannies of any of the above. Opposition leader Bob Skelly stated, ‘‘I’m disgust- ed.’’ He added,‘‘Im also dis- tressed, distraught, | and distinctly disturbed. Further- more, I’m disappointed, dis- consolate, disdainful, dismay- ed, dissatisfied, distended and distracted. Our distin- guished disciplinarians have distracted this disheveled dis- trict with discourse of disExpo , but disclosures of their discourteous_ dishonesty — is discernably beyond disbelief. Now that their disguise is discovered, we must dismiss and disown these dismal, dis- graceful, disestablishmentar- ians in disguise. We- must dispense with them. Disman- tle them. Disperse, displace, dispose, disposses them. news Discipline distressing.....p.17 Dislodge them. Disembowel them. End discord and dis- sent, and end Social Discred- it.fe B.C. Tory leader and ama- ture bee-keeper Peter Pollen later issued a_ statement, O which said ‘‘While we deplore the fact that is was a hoax, we feel that on the whole Expo was a good thing for the people of B.C., and helped create jobs, jobs, jobs.’’ P.C. house leader Graham “If-this-is Tuesday-l-must-be- Ma just a big joke” Tory’’ Lea, added, ‘‘| agree completely. It’s so nice to be amember of a party with which | agree completely, right Pete2’’ At this point Lea attempted to slap Pollen on ‘the back; but Pollen ducked, and the knife flew harmlessly off, eh? Something special is in ee for Douglas College next all. Allan Clapp announced today that at the end of his summer Ideafest, the College will be dismantled, disassem- bled, and dispatched into orbit aboard NASA’s’ refur- bished space shuttle. By this time next year, B.C. should have the world’s first orbiting § community college. A beaming Bill Bennet expressed pride that ‘‘the first teacher to make it past the stratosphere will be a Douglas College teacher.’’ He added, ‘I think it’s marvelous that B.C.’s youth will be able to take part in this wonderful experiment, and gain experience which will be invaluable in the work force.’’ However ministry spokes- man said there would be no subsidies available to help needy students meet their transportation costs to and from the college, estimated at $250,000 per trip (‘‘that’s just going up; going down is free’’). OF fo Disciples displeased.......p.19 Disc drive for PC........ PCs discredited.............p.32 Entertainment The latest discs....... Sports Results of the discus competition........... .-p.23 into a knot of journalists. Art ‘‘I’m-not-Graham-dam- mit.’” Lee, Grit Leader, had quite a bit to say, but we’re running out of room, and you don’t really care about the Grits in this province anyway ,eh2 iglasDouglasDouglasDougla The douglas College Society will have its first meeting on Tuesday, April 1st in room 1603 at 11:59 a.m. This club, whose entire membership an- swers to the name ‘‘Doug’”’ | was originally going te be called the Douglas College Student Society, but as club founder Doug Redecopp ex- plained; .‘‘The name Douglas College Student Society was too limiting - we wanted to leave it open for instructors and staff; and besides, with what is going on at the other D.Gisisice The club will spend most of The club will spend most of its time watching old Douglas Fairbanks, Kirk Douglas, Michael Douglas and Sarah Douglas movies; watching episodes of Fall Guy (with Douglas Barr) and episodes of SCTV with brother Bob, list- ening to Doug and the Slugs and playing Dig Dug. Also planned are field trips to Douglas road in Burnaby, Douglas Street and Mt. douglas in Victoria - and a special viewing of ‘’2001’’ where, as Doug puts it, ‘’ we see if we can name all the Dougs that helped make it; such as the voice of the computer and the guy in charge of special effects.’’ He added that they will take applications for hon- ourary ‘‘Dougs’’ before toast- ing the memory of /)two late comrades, Tommy Y Douglas and Douglas Mac Arthur. gr