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Lightweight

The road to recovery from anorexia 2 diame.

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By Amanda Richardson — Nexus
(Camosun College)

VICTORIA (CUP) — The average adult
consumes approximately 1 ,500—2,000 calories
per day. For the last two years, 18-year-old
student Whitney Patricia* has barely managed
that much in a week. At 5’1, weighing in at just
93 Ibs, Patricia’s frail frame could now pass for
your average 10-year-old.

Patricia began her journey into the dark
world of eating disorders at the age of 15.

“T was a really chubby kid. That’s probably
where my whole story starts,” said Patricia. “I
don’t know if that’s what helped cause my eating
disorder, but that’s where it started.”

Conscious of her weight in a hometown
she says was filled with thin, pretty, blonde girls,
Patricia decided to start exercising and watching
her diet.

“My weight was a big thing for me, so I
joined a gym,” she said. “It was a really healthy
decision, because I was only going a couple
times a week and not really pushing myself.

My parents were on board, and I was thinking,
‘Good for me.’ I started cutting out sweets, then.

“Over time, as I lost more and more weight,
people would say, “Oh, you look so great,’ until
it got to the point when people would ask me if
I was okay.”

Liisa Robinson, a counsellor at Camosun
College, says that people engage in disordered
eating behaviours because it initially pays off.

“Just like with addiction, or any other way
of coping that gets out of control, it initially
works on some level. And then, in some people,
it gathers momentum and the coping mechanism
becomes the problem,” said Robinson.

Secretly taking people’s shock at her
weight loss as a compliment, Patricia’s condition
rapidly spiralled out of control. She says her
original, healthy weight-loss plan became an
addiction.

“T think of it as a line. There’s healthy
eating and healthy exercise. And then there’s
a line, which is really thin, that crosses into
obsession. It got to the point that if I didn’t
get a certain amount of exercise every day, or
someone tried to make me eat something that I
didn’t make for myself, I would have a temper
tantrum, or I would beat myself up about it for
days.”

Robinson says that most women she’s
counselled for eating disorders are motivated
and bright. For one reason or another, they just
seek comfort in the ability to control something.

“There’s a big piece of disordered eating
that has to do with control. It’s a coping
mechanism. It gives people something to hold
onto when things get chaotic.”

Patricia’s restrictive behaviours led to an
increasing need for control, regimenting her diet
to specifically measured portions and spending
up to two hours a day at the gym.

“Every morning I would eat a specific
amount of bread, with a certain amount of
peanut butter, and if I didn’t have my measuring
device for the peanut butter, I would lose it,”
said Patricia. “My whole day would be off.”

Within a year and a half, Patricia went
from 150 pounds to 87 pounds. Despite missing
school because of her inability to focus on
anything other than food, and concern from
her family members, Patricia’s eating disorder
continued to build momentum well into her
Grade 12 year.

It wasn’t until showering one morning that
Patricia realized the gravity of her situation.

“T got out of the shower and was brushing
my hair,” she said. “I looked down and the brush
was covered in hair. Then I ran my hand
through, and my entire hand was covered in
hair. Just covered. I freaked out, because I
didn’t know what to do. That was the thing
that changed my eating disorder and really
turned things around for me.”

A visit to the doctor and a series of
blood tests later, it was clear that anorexia

 

“That’s when my family really got on
me,” she said. “I had to go to a counsellor
and a nutritionist, I saw a psychiatrist,

and that’s when I was actually diagnosed as
anorexic. And every day since, it’s been a
struggle.”

However, the diagnosis isn’t the end of
Patricia’s story; it’s merely a mile marker.

“After a couple of months, I did manage
to put on some weight, and then the weight was
too much for me to handle. So I went back to
my normal diet, and back to exercising, but the
weight wasn’t coming off, and that’s when I
tured bulimic,” she said.

Patricia regressed into bulimia, keeping it
a secret from everyone in her life. It wasn’t until
five months in that her family began to realize
that her eating disorder was far from gone.

That was three months ago.

Though a daily struggle, Patricia says
she feels that she’s getting control over her
condition. However, the full extent of the
damage done by years of self-starvation is not
yet known. Because she stopped menstruating
three years ago due to the anorexia, doctors are
unsure whether Patricia will be able to have
children in the future. There has also been severe
damage done to her liver and other organs.

“It’s funny,” she said, “because all these
horrible things are happening to you, and that
should make you want to change, but the fear
of gaining weight is so much stronger than
knowing that your body is eating itself.”

While everyone’s experience with anorexia
is unique, Patricia’s was rooted in restriction

and depression with an abundance of exercise.

And while her extreme dieting may seem like a
choice, Patricia believes that it’s not as cut and

dry as that.

“T really think of it as.a disease. I’m
extremely strong willed, and I think that if it was
as simple as making a choice, I would have fixed
it before now.”

Like a cartoon devil and angel, Patricia
says that having an eating disorder is like having
another person in her head. She says that the
bad part picks on the good part of the brain,
perpetuating the disease.

“It’s never, ‘I am’ something — too fat, too
disgusting, too gross. It was always, “You, you,
you,” said Patricia. “It’s like another person.

It can be so mean, because the names that I
call myself in my head are like the worst bully
you can imagine. Things I would never say to
another human, I say to myself.”

Sarah Atkinson, a psychotherapist and
registered clinical counsellor at Victoria’s
Cedric Centre, believes that women’s unhealthy
relationships with food often stem from society’s
flawed and unrealistic perception of beauty.

“Women try to live up to the media’s
unrealistic standards,” said Atkinson. “As a
society, we perpetuate this distorted image
of beauty and health. We live in a society
that supports the belief that thinness leads to
happiness.”

Even though Patricia is just in the early
stages of her recovery, her determination is
undeniable.

“My goal is to be able to help other people

deal with their eating disorders,” she said. “It’s
enough to help to push me along in my own
recovery, because I can’t help others until I help
myself.”

Patricia hopes to help people not just at
their worst, but those who haven’t yet been
affected by the disorder.

“Get help as quick as you can, because it
spirals down so fast, and then it’s just a mess.
For a lot of people, it’s not too late.”

Robinson says that it’s important to look
for cues other than weight loss if you are
concerned about someone potentially having
an eating disorder. Watch for signs that may
indicate an unhealthy amount of time dedicated
to thinking about food.

“You cannot look at someone and
see whether or not they’re struggling with
disordered eating,” said Robinson. “A lot of
the warning signs are going to be recognizable
by the person with the disorder, but may not be
obvious to someone on the outside.”

Patricia acknowledges there’s a long road
ahead of her, but is confidant and determined
to keep her recovery on track, inspiring others
along the way.

“No matter how long it takes, it’s possible ~
to get healthy. There isn’t a quick fix. It might
take 10 years, but one day, you’ll go a whole
day without worrying or thinking about food an
exercise in an unhealthy way.” :

*name has been changed