Seasonal affective disorder lifted for glorious three- day stretch » My serotonin... My serotonin! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor hanks to a recent bout of startlingly good weather, Vancouver's citywide depression has been momentarily lifted. Other Press reporters spoke to sociologist Mary Fraser to explain the welcome phenomenon. “You might not have noticed, but before March, the sun was setting at about 2 pm every single day,’ Fraser said. “The entirety of the local Vancouver area was affected by this. People were talking three-hour-long ‘power naps’ in the middle of the day, sleeping on piles of clean and dirty laundry, and watching episode after episode of Terrace House. Additionally, citizens were either eating too much, eating too little, or only eating full boxes of Multigrain Cheerios.” Then one crucial thing changed—a glimpse of the sun. “People all across Vancouver have noted that they have more energy, happiness, and all-around ‘good vibes. I'm hearing that citizens are busting out the jean shorts, frisbees, and listening to some Sublime deep cuts. They also report throwing the ‘hang loose’ symbol up at least nine percent more,” Fraser said. Many residents confirmed Fraser's findings with their own anecdotes. “Ever since the sun came out, I’ve been feeling like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel,” Vancouver resident Luke Brown told Other Press reporters. “When it was cloudy and cold out, I spent most of my days thinking about how one day I'll cease to exist and I'll have made no mark on this giant floating sphere we call Earth. But now that it’s over 12 degrees, I’ve found my will to live again!” Other Vancouverites such as Kelley Chang were looking forward to the future. “T can’t wait until every day has an adequate amount of sunlight,’ Chang said to press. “I’ll finally have a reason to drag myself out of bed and enjoy the wonders of the natural world. Ever since last October I’ve been living in my bedroom, never showering or doing any laundry whatsoever, and DoorDashing sushi right to my window. It’s nice to feel the sun instead of the sting of wasabi. Though now that I think about it, they’re pretty similar” However, Fraser cautioned, this climatological alleviation is only temporary. “This is only a taste of what’s to come,” Fraser reminded reporters. “Remember, we have about one and a half months of this before the smoke from forest fires roll in, obliterating the sun completely and forcing us to wear gas masks outside. Try and store as much serotonin as you can before fall rolls around. I suggest canning or jarring it.” As Other Press reporters were speaking to Fraser, clouds rolled across the sun and gave her skin a grey hue and her eyes a dull, listless expression. “Or don't do anything,” Fraser said. “Who cares? It doesn’t matter anyway. God, I'm a disappointment to my parents.” e Five breezy ways to say, ‘I just got day drunk on a patio’ Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca ¢ Local man the first to go shirtless this year ..and more! Illustration by Cara Seccafien Startlingly positive horoscopes >» You can do it! I swear! Isabelle Orr Entertainment Editor < ory about last week, readers! I was feeling some kinda way. I hope I can make p for it this week when I look up to your stars to see your startlingly positive horoscopes! Only nice things, I swear! Friends again? Please?! ARIES (March 21 — April 20) You go, Aries! We're heading straight into your season, so you're gonna be all revved up for that thing you're gearing up to do. And it’s going to be GREAT. Would I lie to you?! TAURUS (April 21 — May 20) Things are really coming up Taurus! Everything is going to go your way. Remember that daunting task that you've been dreading? Don't worry, because it’s going to completely dissipate by midweek. It’s going to be easy and breezy from here on out. GEMIN] (May 22 — June 22) The best things are yet to come, Gemini! You're going to get a burst of good news by the end of the week. Until then, try and keep your head above water by surrounding yourself with positive influences. Fae CANCER “(June 22 - July 23) Though you'll have a bit of a stumble in the beginning of the week, don’t let yourself fall! Things will keep moving with momentum until you wont even remember what got you down in the first place. Remember to be kind to yourself! ae LE O (July 24 - Aug 23) Big moves are coming your way! Your energy makes it feel like anything is possible. Keep working towards your goals—they’re all within your grasp! V/RGO (Aug 24 — Sept 23) To combat any blues, surround yourself with your best and brightest to boost your spirits! Your friends love your company, so take advantage of any spare time they may have to chill with them as much as possible. LIBRA (Sept 24 — Oct 23) Yeah, yeah. Good stuff is in your future, et cetera, et cetera. Everything is going to be great and you'll have the “Best Week of Your Life” like, ever. You get the point. SCOPPIO (Oct 24 — Nov 22) Its hard being positive! I know, people think I'm “too mean’ and sometimes I can be a “huge bitch.” But what people don’t understand is I’m just trying to keep it real. And in today’s society, I think that really means something. Don't you? EA SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23 — Dec 21) So maybe I'm a little critical of others. So what? Don’t you think people deserve to know what I think? Is my voice any less valid just because I don’t package it in a more palatable way? Don’t you think that’s a little reductive? CAPRICORNW (Dec 22 — Jan 20) So you're saying people don’t want to hear critiques when they look for their horoscope? So I have to keep giving them little blips of self-esteem to make them feel better every week? Why do J have to fill that void for them?! Gage AQUARIUS (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Yeah, I signed a work contract. But it’s not, like, binding or anything. What—it is binding? Why would anyone let me sign a contract?! Well, what Iam I supposed to do now? PISCES ' (Feb 20 — Mar 20) Everything is great and you are very sexy and fun! Everything is going to be just dandy for you this week. Take this time to really feel good and wholesome and as attractive as you want (or don’t want! Your choice!) to be. You are amazing and beautiful and everybody loves you, even ME!