Humour

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Violence of
Viewpoints

Yes, I’d love to hear about Skyrim character!

 

By What Adam Curtis is Saying

Wait wait wait: let me get this
straight. You are playing a video
game where not only are you a
dark elf warrior, but you are also a
werewolf who uses dragon souls to
cast magic shouts?

Sure, I’d love to hear more
about your Skyrim character. Go on!

I mean, this game sounds

badass. Seriously, dude! And it
sounds like this character just kicks
the shit out of everything the world
has to throw at it. That’s killer.
Level 41? Your character is level
41?! Holy crap. That’s epic, man.
And you actually make your
own Weapons and armour in
forges? No way! That's nuts. You’re
like, Conan on crack. That’s sweet.
And you have your own horse?

Dude... just... dude.

So what kind of monsters are
you fighting? Giants and woolly
mammoths? Crazy! They must be
pretty tough. Yeah, actually, when
you put it that way I guess dragons
would be tougher. But still, those
giants must be pretty crazy. No, I
guess they would be pretty pussy
compared to those other things you
killed like the Falmers. I guess once
you're level 41 you don’t get scared
by much. Sorry, I wasn’t thinking I
guess,

Oh yeah? And you're a thief
too, eh? You must be robbing all
kinds of kings and dukes and
barons and such. Well, I guess
peasants and shopkeepers are
pretty good targets, too. That
sounds pretty fun. You ever get
caught? Ha, ha, really? All the time,
eh? And you just kill the town
guards who try to arrest you? Oh,
yeah, I forgot that you were level
41.1 guess nothing can really stop
you at this point, eh?

 

Stop talking about your stupid Skyrim character

By What Adam Curtis is Thinking

oly hell, are you still
talking? It’s been over
20 minutes, man. I don’t

know how long you can keep

this up. More importantly, I don’t
know how long I can keep this up.
I deserve an Oscar for pretending
to care for this long. Hell, I deserve
22

  

>

a goddamn Nobel Peace Prize for
not punching you in the mouth the
second you opened it.

On and on and on and on... It’s
just incredible! I literally could not
care less about this game you're
prattling on about. Falmers? Magic
shouts? Who gives a shit? This is
the most boring conversation I’ve
ever been a part of. Well, maybe

not—does it count as a conversation
if one person is talking like a
psycho about a delusional fantasy
game while the other is imagining
doling out a beating?

I wonder what I would be more
interested in hearing about right
now. Boring scientific lectures? Yes.
Your Grade 3 summer vacation?
Yes. The history of lumber? For
sure. Your latest rectal exam? Tough
call, but I’m going to have to say
yes. | would rather hear about the
health of your ass than listen to
you talk for one more second about
fucking Skyri.

Shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut
up, shut up. Please, stop talking this
very second. Immediately. Now. I
can’t take it anymore. No, I don’t
plan on playing this game. Limited
collector’s edition? Fuck no. I’d
rather bankroll a crackwhore’s drug
habit after she kicked me in the
balls repeatedly. I would rather take
every penny that I would spend

And you’re also a soldier in
the empire fighting the Stormcloud
Rebellion? Oh, sorry, Stormcloak
Rebellion. That sounds intense. It
must be crazy juggling all these jobs
and shit. So many options!

It sounds like you’re really
awesome at this game. Are you
close to finishing it? No? Just
starting to scratch the surface, eh?
That’s incredible. You think you'll
ever finish? Or are you just going to
keep on playing until you hit level
100? Or whatever level is the max?

Yeah, I’d love to play this game.
You’ve made it sound super sweet!
Yeah, I think I might pick it up at
Future Shop. Collector’s edition?
Yeah, why not! It sounds like it has
endless replay value. Really worth
the investment.

Huh? Would I like to hear about
the character creation system?
Would I like to hear about the character
creation system?

Who wouldn't!

With files from Liam Britten.

on that stupid game, go to a rural
village in Bulgaria, find the town’s
most obese man, and pay for him
to receive a chest shaving by the
second most obese man. As long as
I get to watch.

Aaaaaaarrreghh!! It just won't
fucking stop!! I’m losing it here! I’m
going to shove this stupid game
so far up your ass that you'll be
making magic shouts in real life! If I
have to hear about werewolves and
shit for one more God damn second
the town guards will be after me
in real life after I murder your
stupid level 41 ass. But I don’t care.
It would be worth every second
in prison just to hear the sound of
silence once you’ ve stopped telling
me about God damn Skyrim.

Oh, god, seriously? You’re
going to tell me about the character
creation system?

Shit.

With files from Liam Britten.