By Mark Fisher

Te Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex
Show takes place annually every January
at Canada Place. The conference has
become a much-anticipated event, and
has now expanded to a massive four days.
I was a sex-show virgin, experiencing the
event for the first time ever on January
12 (along with my terrific girlfriend,
who was nice enough to let me share our
personal lives in the interest of moving
papers). I was only able to experience
a small fraction of what the convention
had to offer because I was as sick as a
dog that night, but even though my first
Sex Show experience was a lot shorter
than I expected, it was still something
I'll never forget.

There are two main attractions at
the Sex Show, the many vendors selling
their sexual wares (outfits, sex toys, and
more porn than you can shake a dildo at),
and the various performers who dominate
the convention’s main stage (there’s also
a “Dungeon” for those into heavy S&M,
but since my pain threshold isn’t very
high I steered clear of it). This year’s
performers included burlesque shows,
Samba Dancers, Grinder Girl (made
famous from her many appearances on
David Letterman), and even an erotic
circus act. I had an opportunity to watch
several of these acts and even interview
some of the performers, the key word
being “had,” as thanks to my illness I
got there three hours later than the time
I had originally scheduled. I decided to
just skip the interviews — not that anyone
would still be waiting for me at that point
anyway - and just try to take in what I
could.

Chocolate Body Paint. It sounds
intriguing, but for most couples it’s not
something they dabble in. But since some
other members of The Other Press got it
as a Christmas present, I didn’t want to
be the last person at this paper to give it a
try. Naughty Nadia’s Chocolate was the
first vendor booth I visited, and she was
nice enough to give me a free sample.
For $15 I got a good size container and a
mini-brush to apply it with, and handily
the chocolate tastes good enough that
even if your relationship doesn’t work
out it will still cheer you up.

One of the few acts I was
still in time to see was the Eye Kandee
Girls (nothing is ever spelt properly
at things like this). They put on a very
eye-appealing fashion show, with lots of
sexy local models wearing risqué outfits.
Having musical acts perform alongside
fashion shows is a hot trend recently
(remember the Spice Girls big reunion
started at the Victoria Secret show?),
but for some reason they paired up these
lovely girls with a rap group called the
Volunteerz, consisting of two Beastie
Boy wannabees who stood nervously on
the stage and rapped about videogames
in quivering voices. Unfortunately they

  

were at the front and centre of the stage,
taking away a lot of attention from
where it was supposed to be. Still, the
crowd loved the girls, many of whom
received loud “oohs” and “ahs” for their
lingerie, bunny outfits, and leopard print
nightgowns.

Playing it cool, part one: When
you’re watching a show like this with

ag ef ee la é Pe

The Taboo Naughty But Nice Sex Show, January 12 to 15, Canada Place

 

your girlfriend, the trick is to lean over
and whisper “that would look good on
you” ever so often, so she remembers
that when you’re drooling over other
girls, you’re doing it for her.

With so many different sex
vendors in attendance, it would take
something especially outlandish to
attract any controversy. And that was

“Outfits, sex
toys, and more
porn than you

can shake a

dildo at.”

 

 

January 21, 2008

 
 

exactly the case with the a company
called “Pure Pillz,” who were catching
hell from onlookers when I walked by
their booth. Two young women were
very forcefully demanding answers as
to what the deal with these so-called
energy-boosting pills were. The pills
claimed to give one increased energy and
endurance, but there was also a long list
of potential negative side effects. Frankly
I couldn’t imagine why someone would

-take a pill that could potentially leave

one vomiting just so they could last a bit
longer in bed or on the dancefloor, but
samples of the pills were flying off the
table, even while the two girls loudly
questioned if this booth was essentially
giving away potentially unsafe drugs
to convention goers (and it probably
didn’t help that the guy answering their
questions looked VERY glassy-eyed).
But let’s face it, there’s a lot of people
in Vancouver would swallow shit if you
made it taste like candy and told them it
would give them a rush.

Playing it cool, part two: When
your girlfriend is taking a long look at the
dildos and saying things like “those look
interesting”, try not to make the situation
uncomfortable, it’s only natural that she
would take a long look at those, just like
how it was only natural that your eyes
never left the stage while the Eye Kandee
Girls were on. When she asks you “what
would you think if I bought one of
those?” do not panic. Say that you’d be
cool with it, and then immediately bring
up the opening scene to Scary Movie. (If
she’s never seen Scary Movie — the first
one, not any of the horrible sequels, rent
it for her the next day)

Another great performer was
Symone, “Vancouver’s Premeire Gender
Illusionist”. He/she put on an energetic
musical show and had great interactions
with the adoring crowd. Amid all the
sex, it’s great to have a laugh to lighten
the mood, and his/her banter with the
audience was hilarious, particularly when
she brought a drunk girl on stage and had
the audience sing “happy birthday” to
her.

In the end, while my first time
at the Sex Show was over quick, it went
pretty well. I spent $90 (two outfits for
my girlfriend, plus the chocolate), which
was about the most that I had planned
on spending, so even thought I went to
less than half the booths I did okay on
that front. I missed a lot of the acts, so
next time I'll definitely want to do better
on that. I just hope Grinder Girl doesn’t
get mad at me for not showing up for
that interview — because that could be
unpleasant.

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