issue 13// vol 46 humour // no. 17 Best motivators other than deadlines >» Deadlines are dead to me EG Manilag Staff Writer ccording to college students, deadlines are the best motivators in projects, assignments, essays, and even studying. And there’s no doubt about it. Instead of treating doing work right before a deadline as a last resort, students often treat it as the only option. Like... I really get it though. Meeting deadlines right in the nick of time is fun. The stress, the urgency, and the feeling of ultimate productivity coursing through your veins is amazing. It really gets you going. Deadlines are also straightforward and realistic; they go perfectly with procrastinating, which we all love to do. However, with all of this being said, there are still other motivators out there worthy of consideration—motivators that are better than deadlines. Courses The first motivator would be our “courses.” Whatever they may be— whether it be a major or a minor course, a GPA booster, or whatever— they are all worth it. They give us made-up credits so that we can literally graduate, and they give us knowledge (regurgitated straight out of a book) so that we can have power. Respecting one’s courses is far better than following deadlines (as your mom would say) because it makes you more passionate of your future career. “That 1500-word essay won't stop us’”—repeat this mantra aloud while rocking back and forth on your bed. Family Second one is our “family.” They motivate us better than deadlines would simply because they have to—otherwise they'll be stuck with us forever. And they for sure don’t want that. That’s why they'll do everything in their capacity to make sure that us students can finish off everything correctly, early, and without missing the deadlines. Seriously... they'll do everything in their capacity. In that way, they can taste freedom. It’s not just us who are struggling to finish things and be free you know—they’re struggling as well... struggling to kick us out as soon as possible. Don’t be fooled by their words of wisdom, fairy tales, and love for you—you know they’re just masking their intentions. Ego Last but not the least would be our “ego.” It’s very easy to be motivated in finishing an assignment when the course you have chosen is your forte. If you feel like a natural and love it, then you'll do good at it. It’s as simple as that. Confidence really plays a part in this as well. | remember writing a one-page essay on a course that I really loved and felt good about... but it didn’t quite end of what I would expect of a letter grade—but it doesn't matter, really (REALLY), because I was extremely confident at that time and I regret nothing. As long as youre confident with what you made, and you weren't working under the pressure of deadlines, it’s a win-win. How to deal with the TransLink strike Illustration by Janis McMath » Some of the totally viable alternative methods of transportation post-secondary institutions propose Richard Dick Contributor ince post-secondary institutions have been responding to the TransLink strike chaos with little more than the very unhelpful statement of “maybe look into finding alternative methods of transportation,” here are a few of those alternative methods of transportation that colleges and universities are ignorant enough to think are real options for us losers who take the bus. Get a car, duh! Your post-secondary institution really can’t understand why you couldn't just think of this solution on your own. Carpool with a friend, you broke-ass Being one of the most common citied options, schools seem to think that everyone has a friend with a car, forgetting several very difficult steps in this process. 1 Get a friend: Seriously, you think I have friends on campus? 2. Get a friend with a CAR: so first you have to make a genuine friend, then when you learn that they don’t have a car, realize all your effort of adding them on Facebook, asking them what their favorite TV shows were, and listening to their stories about their mundane exam schedule was all for... nothing. Rinse and repeat this process until you can find someone you can openly use for their car and drop that relationship immediately after the strike ends. 3.Get a friend with a car that lives close to you, is on campus on the same days as you—AND at the same times as you so you can also get a ride home... or else you have ask them to stay on campus to wait for you or you have to find SECOND friend with a car who leave campus around the same time as you. Also, you better make with the Naruto and BELIEVE IT—believe that I’m not joining any of these “carpool with some freak rando that goes your school and now will know all of your personal information because everything is literally on your profile!” Facebook groups that keep popping up. Walk A great option for those who live close to their campuses, and a literal marathon for those who don't! Ready yourself 15 hours before your 8:30 am class and start your trek to campus for a class where the professor is just going to screen a stupid documentary you could’ve watched at home. Optional: an alpaca to help you trek up any mountainous areas—and to keep you company when you feel lonely. Bump uglies with someone who lives on or near campus Pick a random hookup and ensure that it is a student that lives on or near campus, making a sleepover at theirs a necessary condition of your casual encounter. This situation was pretty predictable of TransLink workers: you always get fucked somehow. Hitchhike Consider getting murdered like people did in the 60s’! How retro! Stick your thumb out near the road, the universal symbol for “Tm too broke for a car, and too determined to get to my destination to consider the consequences.’ Astrally project Open your inner eye, achieve enlightenment, realize the burden your physical body is, transcend your form, and adapt to your new spiritual embodiment— and then exclusively use this newfound meaning in life to attend your English lecture.