ADHD: Behind the stereotypes

>» Breaking down the myths

 

Image from Harvard Health Blog

Brie Welton
The Phoenix (CUP)

 

Geoes around mental illness can
not only alienate those who live with
illness, but also spread false information
that can prevent people from reaching out
and getting the help they need.

This is especially true of ADHD. Asa
third-year student, Jane*, can attest, the
stereotypes were the reason she delayed
seeking help for her illness: “T honestly just
thought I was lazy and a procrastinator
because I never knew that ADHD could be
like this. I always thought it was the kids

who were hyperactive and throwing stuff”

According to the most recent global
statistics, ADHD affects 3.4% of the adult
population, and 5.29-7.1% of children.

Because statistics show a greater
number of kids with ADHD, the disorder
is often misrepresented as a problem
that only affects young children. Jane
said, “there's a lot of people who go
undiagnosed because we're only taught
about the hyperactive kids and the classic
ADHD cases. Inattentive ADHD often
goes unnoticed and is just seen as lazy,
procrastinating.”

Inattentive ADHD is often mistaken
as anxiety or mood disorders in adults,
because it often takes the form of
procrastination, forgetfulness, or
distractibility. According to the National
Institute of Mental Health, symptoms
of inattentive ADHD are less likely to
be recognized by family, peers, and
medical professionals than the other two
types: Hyperactive and Combination.
Consequently, many people struggle for
years before finally getting the treatment
they need.

“Whenever I had... tried to talk to
people about it, the response was always
‘everybody has that, everybody has

problems focusing,” explained Jane. “When

someone like me seeks help, most people
have the response ‘there’s no way you have
that; because they don’t understand that

ADHD can present itself in [that] way.’

This is where stereotyping mental
illnesses can be particularly harmful
to those afflicted. If an individual’s
symptoms do not match those of what is
stereotypically recognized as ADHD, then
the individual will be less likely to seek the
treatment they need.

The realities of ADHD in day-to-day
life are much different than what many
believe them to be and go beyond simply
being unable to focus.

“T have all of the hallmark ADHD
symptoms” explained fourth year student,
Sara* “it means that I have quite a few
mood swings. I’m chronically late. My
work is chronically late. ] have poor time
management and organisation. I can get
really easily overwhelmed by little things.’

As is common in the cases of
many people with ADHD, Sara was
misdiagnosed: “It was manifesting in my
second and third year as anxiety... which is
what I was being treated for.”

Some of Sara’s symptoms did closely
mirror those of an anxiety disorder. Sara
explained, “I was anxious about random
things like accepting e-transfers. I would
let them sit there until they expired.”

Sara also experienced anxiety about
going to the grocery store and couldn't
go shopping without being on the phone
with a friend. However, her daily struggle
went beyond what those with anxiety

‘Tough love’ isn't an excuse to
treat someone like shit

>» You don’t have to be cruel to be kind

Michele Provenzano
Staff Writer

 

he term “tough love” isn’t a catch-all

that can be used to justify being an
asshole. Generally used to indicate stern
behaviour towards someone that will
benefit them in the long run, the phrase
can be broken down into two parts. There’s
the “toughness”—the harsh treatment of or
strict boundary enforced toward a person,
and there’s the “love’—the intention of
wanting the best for that person.

This method can be a useful tool for
dealing with a person in your life who
perpetuates unhealthy behaviours that
harm themselves and others. However, as
the almost oxymoronic quality of the term
indicates, tough love requires balance. It’s
a slippery slope: at a certain point, “tough
love” becomes too tough to be considered
love at all.

The familiarity of the phrase is
dangerous—it makes it an accessible
excuse. It’s too easy to hurl verbal weapons
at a person then think that slapping the
band-aid of the “tough love” label on the
wound makes it okay.

“Tough love” hinges on the presence
of, well, love. Bill Milliken, whose book of
the same name is thought of as the origin
of the phrase, insists that “tough love” can
only exist in a genuinely caring and loving

relationship, and that this love must be
communicated clearly. If someone claims
their actions are an expression of “tough
love,” but you never really feel the “love”
part of things, it isn’t tough love, it’s just
shitty behaviour.

GC

At a certain point,
‘tough love’ becomes
too tough to be
considered love at all.

 

“Tough love” means wanting the
best for someone. This is what makes the
phrase tricky: it refers to one’s intention,
which is an invisible thing. No one can
ever truly know another’s intentions. You
can tell a person your intentions were
good, but they’re not obligated to believe
you. Intention must be demonstrated and
interpreted. If a person interprets your
behaviour as all tough, you can't just pin
the word love onto it and expect to be
exonerated.

best for me? Why didn’t you say so sooner,
sweetie?” Said no one ever.

The Oxford English Dictionary
definition of the term shows that “tough
love” especially applies to the treatment of
children, addicts, or criminals. And tough
love may be valid in dealing with these
relationships. But if you're using “tough
love” to justify the treatment of a friend,
peer, or partner who doesn’t come close
to falling into one of these categories,
these connotations perhaps suggest an

inherent power imbalance or demonization

of the other person. Surely, these are not

experience, especially when it came to
schoolwork.

Sara said, “the prospect of studying
was overwhelming. It wasn't like the
courses were too hard, it was just the idea
of studying was really hard.”

Even getting ready for school was a
challenge. “I'd go [into the bathroom] with
the purpose: I’m going to brush my teeth,
and Id end sitting there on the bathroom
floor trimming my finger-nails, pulling
random stray hairs. | can sit there... and
think ‘I need to be doing other things right
now? But I couldn't pull myself away.”

Once she was correctly diagnosed
with ADHD and treated with medication,
her whole life changed. “All kinds of things
I didn't realize were hard for me became
easy,” said Sara.

Sara also didn’t think she had ADHD,
as she didn’t see stereotypical symptoms
of ADHD in herself. Sara voiced that she
was a really calm child and was never
hyperactive.

Fortunately, both Jane and Sara were
able to successfully seek out treatment for
ADHD once they realized that their anxiety
treatments were not working.

Ifyou think you may have a mental
illness, reach out to Health and Wellness in
UNC 337 or talk to your doctor about your
symptoms.
names changed for the privacy of

individuals.

ingredients for healthy relationships.

Sometimes, what you might think of
as “tough love’ is really just unnecessary
harshness, mistreatment, or abuse. True
“tough love” is probably rarer than we
think. Often, the term is overused when it’s
not warranted. It romanticizes situations
that are simply toxic.

When calling out a person’s habit
of guilt tripping their significant other
into thinking everything is their fault, the
person may claim, “tough love is just how
Tam ina relationship.” No, Jeff, you're just
emotionally abusive.

“Awww, your constant belittling of my
interests and the people | surround myself
with were tough Jove? You just want what's