Humour Think you're funny? Contact us at humour @theotherpress.ca @ Ministry of Awareness promotes month of April as Awareness Awareness Month Initiative aims to make Canadians more aware, especially about awareness By Liam Britten, Chief Awareness Editor he federal Ministry of Awareness is | attempting to increase their standing with average Canadians by declaring a month- long awareness month in April, to improve Awareness of awareness. ‘ - The Ministry’s Awareness Awareness Month hopes to generate significant awareness about awareness, a key goal of the Ministry of Awareness at all times. With the so-called “awareness deficit” at an all-time high in Canada, they feel that action is essential. “Our studies have shown that up to 60 per. cent of Canadians are unaware of awareness at any given moment, and these numbers must improve,” said Deputy Minister of Awareness Sandy Kemp. “When we asked 1,000 Canadians across the country if they were aware of being aware, only 18 percent said that they were aware. Although around 30 per cent acceptable level of awareness, and we are aware that we must improve the nation’s awareness awareness.” The Ministry plans to spend almost $80 million on this campaign, incorporating a barrage of print, broadcast, and online appeals. The campaign for awareness will have a strong social media aspect, including a Twitter feed, Facebook page, and even a Tumblr page to gain the awareness of the least self-aware Canadians of all. “Of all those who lack awareness, we feel these are the Canadians who need to be most aware,” said Kemp. Even though the campaign hasn't officially kicked off yet, Canadians are catching wind of it, and results are already being seen in the increased awareness of Canadians. “I'm definitely more aware,” said Hamilton, Ontario resident Mike Llewellyn. “I felt that For more information, visit the Ministry of Awareness’ website: www.heywereyouawarewehadawebsitewell wedo.gc.ca. Awareness Awareness Month will use creative appeals to improve awareness. A large part of e creative process was developing several unique, attention-getting campaign slogans to appeal to different demographics. Here are some of those slogans: ¢ Awareness! Were you aware? * Beware of being aware! * Look out!! There’s a spider on your back! Were you aware? * Are you aware that you suck... at being said that they may be aware, but unaware of their awareness, we do not feel that this is an My Prospective Perspective Immune systems, now is the time to (re)act By Joel MacKenzie’s Overactive Immune System, Contributor y fellow immune systems, do you know the dangers of pollen? Are those little, white balls of fluff floating in the air this season as innocent as they seem? Or do they carry harmful substances? Do they carry bacteria? Infectious viruses, like those that cause swine or bird flus? Chemicals? Cancer-causing chemicals? Alzheimer’s-causing chemicals? Heart disease-causing chemicals? Recent scientific studies have found that both chemicals and viruses can travel in air; could pollen spores sponge up these potentially harmful substances? And how harmful are the spores themselves to the delicate lining of the inside of the respiratory system? The scary truth: no one’s certain. But there is certainly a correlation between the amount of reports in the media of an increased amount of diseases with a recently increased amount of pollen in the air. More shockingly, health officials agree: no proof exists to refute that pollen can carry bacteria, viruses, or cancer, or have disastrous physical effects on the respiratory system. With this in mind, would you rather risk exposing your body to what could potentially cause something potentially harmful to your health? Huh?! Or are you smart; and would rather err on the side of before, maybe I wasn’t aware as much as I aware? shduld be. My unawareness awareness was definitely the thing I was most aware of. That ¢ BOO!! and the fact that I’m dying of liver cancer.” caution? Overall, make the body as techniques will make even the This season, let your body know _ uncomfortable as possible, smallest tasks difficult, and reduce it needs to get.as far away from simulating a cold/skin problem physical attractiveness, increasing potentially deadly pollen as it can, by following these pollen defence techniques. Produce as much mucous as possible to stuff up the face Mucous will help to push the invading substances out, and stuffiness will make the face as aesthetically unappealing as possible. Cause itching on the inside of the nose/throat Causing an inaccessible area to be itchy ensures constant frustration. Any attempts made to itch with the tongue will cause sneezing or swelling of the throat, sure to cause uncomfortable facial expressions and embarrassment from onlookers’ disgust. Make the eyes watery or itchy Or preferably both! This way, any attempt made to touch the eyes will cause more irritation, and thus more itchiness, wateriness, redness, and unattractiveness. Make the skin itchy Why not? The itchier, the better. Itchiness of the thin skin on the face could also promote facial touching, promoting acne. every day over the duration of the pollen season. Also ensure these symptoms are present at night, to disrupt the body’s ability to sleep and heal itself, and to promote fatigue or drowsiness. These general anger/despondency, ensuring that the mind knows just how big of a deal plant spores might be. Next week: why pet fur is a huge deal, and defining the dangers of dust. onerous yeas Just a picture By Livia Turnbull, Contributor It’s just a picture, you say, but then you look at it again. . The dark eyes seem to follow you around the vacant room and you start to shiver. “Those eyes, they don’t exist!” You think they’re not real, but only dabs of paint. But they entice you, beckoning you to play a game of cards or two. But once you start playing that card game you're in for life, only to stop at You try to run, but the eyes are closer now than ever you can practically feel warm breath on your neck. A furry paw grabs hold of you and soon another one seizes you. You are quiet with fear. They drag you into the painting, onto the dark green table, you open your mouth. But then you wake up, dripping with sweat and gulping air You decide to throw out that ee eee: