of

addicted to crack cocaine, needing it to
live, I’m just stuck here until we can
figure out how to get crack back into
space. That’s our goal now: to distribute
the rock.”

A quarter century down the line,
Gwar’s stage show continues to improve
with each tour. To mark its landmark
anniversary, the band has continued its
admirable touring schedule, put out a new
record and a boxed set, appeared on FOX
News and released a Christmas single.
“Everything we do is special,” said
Urungus. “We’re Gwar! When we take a
crap it’s beautiful...”

During the show, the band is
notorious for slaughtering effigies of
public figures while spewing green and
red goo on the audience. Who Gwar
chooses to take issue with seems to
vary from show to show, however. “If
I tell you who we’re mutilating and
sodomizing and murdering, then no
one’s going to have any fun, except
me,” snarled Urungus. “We’ re definitely
going to kill the president because that’s
just a Gwar tradition, and let’s see, who
else? A lot of intergalactic assholes...
Gwar has hooked up with an unnamed
celebrity who recently died who was the
biggest pop star ever—we’re giving him
another shot. I’m not going to say who it
is, except his initials are M.J., but I can’t

really leak that information... he will be
coming back to do a final performance
for the human race.”

A select few Gwar fans, those
willing to pay top dollar, are privy to
special “meet and beat” sessions with the
band before shows. “You have to pay a
lot of money to get back there,” revealed
Urungus. “It’s just a ploy designed to
sell these tour programs we’ve got and
it’s working splendidly —of course,
motivated like everything else by
money.”

At an official press conference in
Montreal, Urungus mentioned that the
HIN1 epidemic is in fact a government
conspiracy. He offered some interesting
social commentary on the subject: “It’s
lame. I mean so many more people die of
cancer and AIDS, why are they worried
about this? People should die anyway. I
mean, they’re supposed to die. Instead of
these government centres where they give
out vaccines, let’s go to the government
and get diseases. You can sign up for all
those social programs and get free drugs
and free money —the more people are
sick, the better the country does.”

Gwar thinks of themselves as
historians rather than storytellers. “We

 

 

don’t make up anything; this is all real.
This is where Gwar has a leg up on
bands like Lordi and Slipknot. They’ re
emulating Gwar, but they’ re just people
dressed up as monsters.”

Further to that shocking truth,
in 1993, Gwar was first nominated
for a Grammy for the film Phallus In
Wonderland. The band was not welcome
at the event, but chose to go anyway,
allegedly leading to huge brawl with
security. “I believe the guy who played
Captain Piccard got a black eye... and
there was some spilt champagne and
some hurt feelings,” said Urungus of the
catastrophic event. “If that’s debauchery,
then I’m Mary Poppins.”

Recording any Gwar album is quite
the ordeal. “[There’s] yelling, screaming,
fighting, smashing equipment, blowing
up large sections of real estate, dead
producers, crucified catering crews, and
finally music. Rocking...then back to that
other stuff for awhile, then new album.”

Lust In Space is Gwar’s 11"
studio album, an effort that as Urungus
described is “simply magnificent.”
According to Urungus, the band’s
inspiration comes from the events of their
everyday lives. “Fighting giant robots,
smoking crack, running into our old
general at intergalactic truck stops—”

“Tt’s really an album for everyday

“If we could get that time machine working then we could go back and tour 1992,”
—Balsac the Jaws of Death

people doing everyday things,”
interrupted Balsac.

“This is how we grew up,” chimed
in Urungus. “We’re singing songs about
the streets; trying to keep it real.”

As the band increases in popularity,
Urungus maintains that the human race
doesn’t get it at all. “Some of them do,
and those are the Gwar fans, but the great
majority of the human race is far too
stupid to understand the nuances and the
complex subtleness that is Gwar.”

When asked if the band is currently
writing, Urungus explained that though
Gwar hasn’t written a single note yet,
they already know exactly what the
album will sound like. “It’s basically
walk into the studio and just plug in.
Done. Balsac just has to touch one button
and the album will instantaneously appear
in record stores everywhere.”

Urugus explained that though it’s
just that easy, when coupled with the
lengthy process of getting there, it could
take several years. “We’re going to get
out it in a year. We’re going to try really
hard for all those retard kids out there,
we’re going to try...”

Gwar’s latest, Lust In Space, is now
available from Metal Blade Records.

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