March 31, 2004

 

Wilson

e the other press ©

 

 

Horoscopes
It’s “T’ Time

Miss Tarantula Time
OP Contributor

 

Last week one of you common folk
approached me in the hall to tell me that

my movie prediction (Rabbit Proof

Fence) couldn't have been more accurate,
as she had watched that exact movie the
night befete the paper went to print.
You see, dear readers, I really am psy-
chic. I encourage anyone else who I may
have had similar psychic connections
with to come forward and inform me of
my magic. Seriously, the mailbag would
adore some psychic stories and I always
enjoy hearing the voices of my followers.

Aquarius

January 20-February 18

* For once in your life, you're
a Ps schedule. Last week’s hard work
has really paid off for you and now the
only thing that’s absent in your life is
someone to share it with. Too bad love
can't be as easy as work, hmm? Well, I’ll
tell you a secret-—you may discover true
love at work this week.

 
 

= As frustration surmounts into a
ball of anger for you Pisces, you may
want to reconsider future plans involv-
ing the authorities. Take care of your
own problems your own way, but don't
come crying to me when the authorities
come for you.

Aries

March 21-April 19

Black is the colour of your true
love's hair. If you are currently seeing a
redhead, or God forbid a blonde, move
it or lose it honey. It’s black hair or noth-
ing—judging by the nature of your
needs of lately, nothing just isn’t going to
cut it,

Taurus

April 20-May 20

Superman can fly, but sorry
Toni baby, you can’t. Physical danger
is coming your way and may be due to
your own overly ambitious spirit. Tone it
down a bit, remember your place in the
world (the mortal world) and you

should do alright.

 

Gemini

May 21-June 21

As a notoriously happy person,
you often get the short end of the stick
when it comes to friends who will listen
to your problems. They just never expect
the bubbly person that you are to ever be
upset, and now that life has shook its lit-
tle finger at you, they don’t know how to
deal. Just be honest with them about
your situation (no cushioning the fall)
and irll turn out okay.

 

 

 

 

Cancer

June 22-July 22

Romance will sweep you up
into a flurry this week, and in the end
will drop you down on your ass. Keep
some extra padding around that area and
you may get another surprise next week.

Leo

July 23-August 22

You are virtually unstoppable
Leo—so driven that your family feels
neglected and sad. Make a mental note
to spend at least one night at home this
week doing meaningless family activities
(they love crap like Pictionary and
Scrabble) and then you can go on to take
the world into your hands.

Virgo

August 23-September 22

If time were a horse Virgo, you
would be riding it. Unlike the loopy Leo
youre in control of your desires and
ambitions, and are miraculously jug-

gling it all. Keep up the good work.
Libra

@ ¥ September 23-October 22
~ Are you finding yourself feeling
slightly run-down? Do suggestions to go
out for the evening give you a sore head?
My oh my, Libra, where has your energy
gone—you used to be so enthusiastic.
Don’t fret though, next week’s going to
spring you into action to such a degree
you'll almost wish you could revert back
to being depressed—but not quite.

   

Scorpio

October 23-November 21

The days of sloth and disgust-
ing amounts of television are over
Scorpio, and just in time for spring too.
Get out of your pajamas, throw on a
party dress, and take the night into your
arms. This is the week to be who you've
always wanted.

  

/\ Sagittarius
=” November 22-December 21

fs Sometimes being a bitch
doesn’t get you what you want

Sag, but this isn’t one of those times. Try

flipping the bird to the guy driving too

close behind you, or taking out your

frustrations on the ATM machine

because it won't let you take out money

you don't have and the week will fly by

in a snappy breeze.

Capricorn

December 22-January 19

Pay You feel like you're in a country
Mien you dont speak the language and
someone keeps trying to sell you a lunch
plate that looks like your pet at home.
It's. okay Capricorn; soon you'll catch on
to the foreign language and you'll realize
that Fluffy actually tastes pretty good.

Iilustrations by J.J. McCullough

 

 

 

 

Photo[graphic]

http://www.-otherpress.ca

 

 

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