By Chloé Bach, Assistant Editor

shocking After the Rose Ceremony

EVER!!!” and Bachelor fans
everywhere are simply beside themselves
with the latest douche-bachelor. Waves
of shock rolled across North America as
Jason Mesnick proposed to Melissa on
The Bachelor finale only to dump her ass
on national television at the follow-up
show for the originally jilted Molly five
minutes later.

If hear one more “J just thought

he was such a good guy,” or “I’m so
disappointed,” I’m going to fucking snap.

|: has been one week since the “most

the drop of a dime. Not to generalize, but
you know what that spells in my books?
L-O-S-E-R.

A family member of Mesnick’s
complained that the guy just can’t get
a break when it comes to matters of the
heart, saying that “He’s had his heart
broken far too many times,” which seems
at the very least a little suspicious to me.

 

I mean, really? You’re surprised? He’s 33-
year-old single guy with a kid who cries at

He’s been married once and fallen in

and out of love several times on national
television so it just seems obvious to me
that, seeing as how he is the only constant
in all these situations, he must be the
problem. You heard it here first: Jason
Mesnick is clearly a loser and it’s not a
big surprise.

So yes, watch The Bachelor because
it’s entertaining but stop PMS-ing over
this. It’s a business. A business where
high-power executives take advantage of
desperate average-Janes, play silly little
games with them and then tape them in
a limo as they are driven away sobbing
with mascara running down their faces.
Because whoever dumped them is clearly
making “the biggest mistake of their
life” by not realizing what an “incredible
connection they have.” Let’s be serious
here, this show is more funny than
anything.

So don’t be sad. Laugh, and just be
glad you’re not a big enough loser to be
on The Bachelor.

 

 

 

 

 

Celebrate Rock History Month

By Kris Watrich

bruary was Black History

Pie and so many monumental

events were recognized and
celebrated: Martin Luther King’s vision
and purpose, Rosa Parks’ stand against
inequality and the new president’s
message of hope. However, in all the
programming that I was fortunate
enough to enjoy, one pivotal and
important fact seems to have been
totally forgotten: Black Americans
invented Rock and Roll.

Early rock music was a mix of
rhythm & blues and country with a
touch a’ folk or gospel. Radio stations
that originally catered to this type
of music were referred to as “race”
stations, mainly due to the fact that they
played both white and black artists.

Elvis Presley has often been
credited as the King of Rock and
Roll, but this is not so. Many of his
original songs were “borrowed” from
blues culture and reworked. Basically,
Elvis copied what was going on in
blues joints across the south, found an

"

Robert Johnson

 

audience, ate one too many sandwiches,
built Graceland, enjoyed the hell out of
some pills and died.

The Real King of Rock and Roll
was never famous; in fact he died at the
age of 27 and started the myth of selling
your soul at the crossroads to play the
guitar. His name-was Robert Johnson.

Johnson produced only 29 recording
tracks from 1936-1937. His style of
delta blues, which incorporated singing
as well as playing, laid the foundation
for rock music as well as influenced
a wave of blues musicians and young
black guitarists. B.B. King, Buddy
Guy, Chuck Berry, Jimi Hendrix, Junior
Kimbrough and R.L. Burnside have all
listed Robert Johnson as a reason they
first picked up and learned to play the
guitar.

I would also like to throw a little
Black History Month rock music
innovation props to Jimi Hendrix. At a
time when rock was mainly the Stones,
Hermin’s Hermits, The Byrds and a
little band that wanted to hold your
hand, Jimi came in with the fuzz. Take
any opportunity you can to listen to
old Jimi and it will blow your fucking
mind how far ahead of his time was.
Keep in mind he recorded his albums in

1967. Then listen to other music from
*67 in comparison to Hendrix. Even
today’s bands are still trying to figure
out what the fuckity-fuck was going on
in that young man’s head. What Robert
Johnson started Jimi Hendrix made
magic out of.

But something alarming has
happened since these events. Where
have all the black rock musicians
gone? Try and name five black guitarist
playing rock and roll today. Lenny
Kravitz does not count, he is lame and
therefore excluded. Side note, I have
been told that Mister Kravitz is dreamy
and so must be forgiven for his shitty
music. However, the paradox remains
the same. What has changed?

So here’s my big question: Black
America, why have you abandoned the
guitar as your instrument of choice? The
same cultural group that has provided
us with rock and roll has seemingly
abandoned it. Will hip hop suffer a
similar fate in thirty years? I don’t
know if I could handle a multitude of
Eminem’s running around.