Sports.

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Canucks Corner: Flip a coin, Luongo vs. Schneider

By Josh Martin, Sports Editor

Frey the world of hockey
is back amongst us. We
now have an excuse to meet
up with friends, drink beer on
random weekdays, and watch
some good old hockey. With
a 48-game schedule for the
remainder of the 2012-13 NHL
season, one can only wonder
what to expect. Every game
counts in a regular 82-game
schedule, but with that number
now almost cut in half you can
bet your ass every game counts.
Three weeks into the season,
there have been some interesting
topics of conversation that have
plagued the newspapers and
media about the Vancouver
Canucks, with the biggest
being goaltending. A personal
favourite headline in the
Province read, “Jay Luongo
takes tonight show away from
Conan O’Schneider.” Oh yes, the
soap opera continues.

Just like last season, the
Canucks have two starting
goaltenders to play with. One
being the ever-faithful Roberto
Luongo—who was famously
beat out for the starting
position by backup goalie Cory
Schneider in last year’s playoffs
during the first round against
the LA Kings. The second is
the aforementioned, Schneider
himself. With two stellar
goaltenders, it only makes sense
to get rid of the old and move

in with the new but without
a good enough deal with any
other team, Luongo has thus
far stayed put as a Vancouver
Canuck.

“If you're going to sit there
and pout and moan about not
playing then it’s a little selfish,”
Schneider said. “I understand
you have to want that desire to
play. And I do.

“T have that very much so.
I’m very motivated to play. It’s
not that I’m happy ... You know,
I want to play is the point. At the
same time you can’t put yourself
ahead of 20 other guys who are
trying to do their job.”

After Schneider’s horrible
start in the season opener
against the Anaheim Ducks, the
two goaltenders have split the
eight games so far this season in
half, with Luongo starting the
past three games in a row. He
has clearly thrived as being the
“packup” goalie, a role which
Schneider thrived in last season.
Perhaps the secret to success
for the Canucks is to not have
a “starting goaltender” label
but to have two really strong
goaltenders. Whatever the case,
no one’s complaining about
goaltending in this city; they’re
just merely obsessed with the
situation.

What seems to be the main
problem for the Canucks is
their offensive production—
the total lack of a second line.
Aside from the exciting Zack
Kassian spectacle along with

the Sedin’s, there doesn’t seem
to be any consistent source of
scoring. And yes, you can make
the argument that it’s because
of missing both Ryan Kesler
and David Booth to injuries

How to survive in hockey hell

By Jacey Gibb, Assistant Editor

ockey and I go pretty far

back. When I was a kid,
I remember rushing into the
living room on a nightly basis
to catch the evening episode
of The Simpsons, only to find
my dad planted on the couch,
with a hockey game occupying
the same screen that Bart and
Milhouse were supposed to be
on. To my adolescent self, it was,
on my strongest of days, soul
crushing.

Despite my gradual shift in
interests towards things outside
of Springfield, my relationship
with hockey never did improve.
Although I've lived in two
hockey-centric cities in my life,
Edmonton and Vancouver, I’ve
somehow managed to remain

20

immune to hockey fever. I know
there are those of you out there
that share my distain for the
sport, and so I thought I'd share
with you a few trade secrets that
have helped me withstand years
of excessive fandom.

First off, know your enemy.
You don’t have to memorize
athletes or stats or any useless
crap like that. I mean being
aware of what evenings there
are hockey games on. By
knowing when the next game
is, you'll know when to avoid
potential hot spots. Put a hockey
game on a television screen and
suddenly the bar becomes an
animal house—and not the John
Belushi type either. I’m talking
about the “Takes 20 minutes
to get a drink, troglodyte
infested” kind. If you know
there’s a hockey game on, pick

up acouple six packs of Blue
Buck, invite the social circle
over to your place, and enjoy
an evening that’s a little less
testosteroney.

If you ever find yourself
stuck talking about hockey
with someone who for some
reason cares about sports, I'd
say sarcasm is your best defense.
Throw around lines like, “Oh,
it’s totally our year” while
rolling your eyes, or pretend to
be overly eager to be joining in
on a conversation about people
with sticks who skate around
on ice for a living. If for some
reason you have to talk about
hockey and the situation doesn’t
allow for you to be a smug dick
about it, just make super generic
observations that even a child
would say are obvious.

For those of you who are

but even when they were in the
lineup last season the Canucks
still had this issue. The fact that
Luongo is playing so well to
start off the season isn’t hurting
the Canucks in the least, making

bold individuals and wish to not
simply fly under hockey’s radar,
but would rather ruffle feathers,
then might I suggest actively
rooting against your city’s team?
By establishing your stance as a
die-hard (insert opposing team’s
name) fan, you immediately
become the enemy. People will
likely stop bringing up the game
around you as much, and they
might stop inviting you out to
watch the game with them too.
Hey, maybe they'll stop inviting
you out altogether? Then at least
you can finally catch up on this
season of Parks & Recreation.
Now, say you live in a city
where hockey could almost
be considered a religion. Like
a brave knight attempting to
slay a dragon, you utilize all of
my advice to an unsuccessful
degree. People still attempt to

 

Lana 7,
Roberto Luongo and Cory Schneider | Photo courtesy of Jeff Vinnick/Getty Images Files

his trade value increase to teams
in desperate need of a proven
starter. This can serve well if

the Canucks can land a top-six
forward in return.

chat you up about the game
last night, or you end up being
surrounded by people donning
obnoxious team colours. If

this persists, then I have one
last tactic for you to try out:
suck it up, buttercup. I’m as
interested in hockey as the next
maggot-ridden corpse, but I’ve
learned to accept that (for some
unidentifiable reason) people
seem to genuinely dig hockey.
Maybe it’s the competitive
edge, or the sporadic violence,
but people act like it’s a pretty
big deal. So for those miserable
seven months out of the year,
learn to put a lid on your
bitching, try and enjoy the drink
specials that most bars have
during games only, and let's just
collectively hope for another
lockout in the near future.