othereditor@otherpress.ca

 

 

Here’s my favourite spam email from last week, followed by my reply.

 

 

 

 

 

1x a (| Paragraph~ Font Style~ Font size | B I Ue = |
jez ee|-@Bloale

 

“Ci-ialis Softabs” is better than Pfizer Viiagrra
and normal Ci-ialis because:

 

- Guaaraantees up to 36 hours lasting
- Safe to take, no side effects at all
- Boost and increase se-xual performance -

- Haarder e-rectiions and quick recharge To: : | “nettiecorbett” CBNVGQUIFX@surfcoast.com

- Proven and certified by experts and doctors :
Subject: RE: ASAP

 

  
 

 

 
  

- only $2 per tabs
- Special offer! These prices

- are valid until 20th of September & Ga & | hasan asians Font size | a = : ote -- vm
Clisk herre http://creationeducation.info j= = = & | ects x | o A| Y

 

 

 

window pygmy catch intensify clio monastery anastigmatic garb lamar stir
roman cameleopard hereinabove deletion vacuo bicycle extraditable gusto
elephant

haircut guard b barberry bestial manure ruben edmonds storekeep aghast
Ukrainian gino nurse vicinal cliffhang substrate gelatine acm biddy crusoe
capacitive world salutary bereave chelate brew craze slough layup bride
budd hubbard alfalfa interpolant ascension

Dear Cialis Salesperson/Poet named Nettie,

| could go on and on, parodying your email ad infinitum and telling you
about the horrible ways |’d love to violate you like you violate my Inbox, but
I’m not going to do that. Instead, | just wanted to drop a quick line to
inquire about the excellent poetry that you so thoughtfully included at the
bottom of your Cialis pitch.

WTF does “window pygmy catch intensify clio monastery anastigmatic”
mean? | don’t pretend to understand your complex rhythms and strange
cadence, but | just can’t seem to shake the chilling beauty of your poetry.
The imagery inherent in the term “roman cameleopard hereinabove dele-
tion” immediately brings to mind a marriage of Napoleon Dynamite’s Liger
and Dante’s Inferno. What imagery! It makes me want to eat a handful of
Cialis and ravage you for up to 36 hours.

What brilliant savant mind gave birth to this chilling and gripping devil-
try? My heart longs to feel your warm embrace; my spirit yearns to be near
you. You have won me with your words. Please, for the love of all things
holy, don’t make me wait for more of your seductive word play. Do not
tease, you random word generator you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Awaiting your reply with baited breath,
Colin Miley, Managing Editor, The Other Press.

PS: fart dogma porkpie hickey prophet, if you know what | mean.

   

ee ee

ee

eet RS SR PRE REE RT