Opinions

 

 

 

War of Words: Zombies vs Robots

 

Zombies do not COMpute 3, cos: sz

Now that I’ve seen “zombies” in the living flesh, I
think I can safely say I’ve had my fill for an eternity.
With complete certainty, I can tell you that zombies
are incredibly lame. If you want to talk about a group
of pseudo-human entities that are fascinating and fun,
look no further than your nearest robot.

You shouldn’t even have to ask, but here’s why these
artificially-created beings are much, much cooler than
zombies (as if you needed a reason!)

1. The always-entertaining antics of C-3PO—
amazingly fluent in over six million forms of
communication, and his quirky sidekick, R2-D2. Star
Wars fans, I’m preaching to the converted here. You
know what I’m talking about.

2. My personal favourite, Johnny-5 from the Short
Circuit films. People, he was smart and he had
feelings—he figured out for himself that life truly does
have meaning. Sure beats those illogical brain-seeking
zombies any day.

3. Fembots. As in Austin Powers: International Man
of Mystery’s Vanessa Kensington. Sadly, yes, she
ended up malfunctioning and self-destructing, but let’s
face it, she was one seductive assassin. And zombies
are NOT, in any way, shape, or form seductive.

4. According to Wikipedia, “People have a generally
positive perception of the robots they actually
encounter.” I wholeheartedly agree, and, never would
you hear this being said of zombies.

5. Robots are helpers. They do jobs that we humans
do not desire to do, such as work that is too dull,
dangerous, or dirty.

6. WALL-E, Disney Pixar’s amiable cutie pie robot
who is charged with cleaning up after humans leave

 

Earth in a polluted, devastated mess. Do-gooder robots
with a conscience— yet another reason to love them.

7. The ultimate in crime-fighting macho metal:
RoboCop. Now, there’s a sexy piece of metal! Can’t
say that about zombies. In fact, I don’t think you’d
ever hear the words “sexy” and “zombie” together in
the same sentence.

8. Star Trek’s incredibly intelligent and loveable Data.
You couldn’t help but root for him. He was cool, calm,
collected—and very funny. The total package.

9. KITT—The coolest damn car-computer you
ever saw on primetime 80’s television. A robotic
microprocessor installed in a 1982 Pontiac Firebird
Trans Am screams awesome. Add to that David
Hasselhoff and voila— you have Knight Rider, one
of the most successful TV shows of that venerable
decade.

If you still aren’t convinced, I’d like to hear from
you. After all, if you would still beg to differ, you’ re
probably one of those difficult-to-please types or
you’re a zombie. If the latter applies, disregard my
request. I’ve had enough of you in this lifetime.

-continued on pgl0