/(LETTIT OR

Yo, what you want for Christmas: ? issue of the semester, so we'll see you in January!

Shel nal ena cash, . Your friend in high fidelity,
So I can buy some indo, some chronic and some hash. " Liam Britten
—Eazy-E, “Merry Muthafuckin Christmas” Editor-in-Chief

: . The Other Press

Dear Santa,

Hi, Santa! How are you? My name is Liam Britten, and I’ve See some Christmas
wishes for this holiday season.
But, dear Saint Nicholas, I am not so self-serving and greedy to think of only
myself: This year, I have Christmas wishes for everyone across the whole
world, because, as I shall explain, there are certain people out there who need
Christmas gifts more than I do.
_ STEPHEN HARPER, STEPHANE DION, AND GILLES DUCEPPE:
A heart, courage, and a brain respectively. They need the full Wizard of Oz
treatment.
SIDNEY CROSBY: Crosby almost got it all last season, but thére’ s one thing
he couldn’t have: a playoff beard. I wish for him to be able to grow facial hair.
MY CAT: I wish for my cat to have victory over the accursed laser pointer. That
thing has cruelly, and hilariously, taunted her for far too long. No matter how far
and how hard she chases that little dot of light, she can never catch it.
WHITE PEOPLE: For whities, honkies, crackers, and cracker-ass crackers
everywhere, Santa, please give us freedom from our addiction to mayonnaise
_ and'the Bryan Adams song “Summer of '69.” No matter how hard we vanilla
types try, those two things have always had an uncontrollable hold on us.
There’s just something about egg-based dressings and ‘80s pop-rock that we
simply can’t resist or overcome.
JOHN MCCAIN: Fresh virgins’ blood to drink, so that he may live on for
another thousand years.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: Osama’s had a rough year, but if all goes well, his.
landlord will let him renew the rent for apartment #212 at 713 Marpole Road in
San Jose, California. Oh, and hopefully he'll be able to get that fake passport as
Raul Diego sorted out, Social Security number 45 198.
AMY WINEHOUSE: I think poor Amy’s been really untreated by the press,
and I wish for her to get more fair treatment. I want the press to stop focusing
on her maniacal, drug-fuelled partying, and start — on her maniacal, |
drug-fuelled charity work.
Well, Santa, those ae the people hs ley season who really desevee
=C a