a other press >>> OPINIONS Porntastic Jenn Farrell and Erin Culhane OP Duo “My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, | want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, | never want to screw again as long as | live.” Erica Jong Mainstream porn is mostly made by men, for men. It can be useful for us ladies, too. But let’s face it, in a society that still kinda treats girls like crap, how can pornography not just be an exten- sion of that shitty attitude about women? What worries us are the sheer numbers. If porn was simply for lonely, sexually deprived people it wouldn’t be a multi-bazillion dollar industry. It’s been our combined experience that we use porn to “fill in’ the time between relationships, or to spice up an already existing one. So that leaves you, mister. Yeah you—the guy with the devoted | girlfriend or wife, and a gunny sac of willy whacking supplies under your bed. What's that al about? We've got our theories. One is that your relati ship is not providing you with the quality or quan tity of sex that would make you happy. That's s Or maybe you just don’t feel like making the effo Maybe instead of taking the time to love your woman up, you’d rather watch Sindi and Bambi Inflated Front row seats Rerry Evans fissistant Opinions Editor It's a regular Saturday afternoon and I'm sitting in a local exotic lounge, chatting up one of the bartenders. He’s cute but he gets a daily intake of eye candy that | could never live up to. We make small talk and | pretend not to notice that he take it “harder and. didn’t know already, ing butter, not for ot you think that the things that your lady! Have you ever asked on the couch watching wish Billy would bucket of lard and si; know until you try. TI for you to ask for, someone else doing i Maybe there’s some here. Maybe you nee love life separate be bright young thing t wanting you to tal “dirty” girls like t we want it, by someone r than pulling it. But as a woman, it occasionally glances over at the strippers. Okay— | work there and no, I’m not a stripper. The dancer on stage is strutting her stuff: Twisting, stretching, and bending. She is erotic and dedicated to entertaining her audience. She has created a persona for herself and is deter- mined to be original and visually pleasing during her fifteen minutes of fame. Then the clowns arrive. After a local parade in town, about 30-40 clowns stop in for a beer and a burger. At this particular exotic showroom, the stage is lined with seats right up front for that up-close and personal view. The regular customers, who were enjoying the show in their front row seats, unselfishly give up their seats for the clowns. The clowns are thankful and position themselves for the show. The dancer, now on all fours, is eye to eye with a sea of round red noses. One of the clowns says hello to me as he pass- es by and | mention how odd it is that clowns entertain children during the day and then, while to make a choice: Are we nice ladies, or raunchy skanks? We're not allowed to be both. What's wrong with taking your man’s bull by its horn when and where you please? What's wrong with being a Brownie leader by day and then breaking all the rules after the kids go nighty-night? Who wants to give up a rockin’ sex life in place of domestic bliss? Like they said in the eighties, we want to “have it all.” So who needs porn? Well, we do. We don’t want anyone to think that we don’t get together on Saturday afternoons and surf the net. It has its uses. It’s not porn in and of itself, but how it’s used, by whom, and to what ends. If someone is a creep in the rest of his/her life, then chances are, they're going to be creepy and weird about porn. The same could be said of folks who like Star Trek. it’s like booze to you, if it takes you away family and friends and the real thing, if you from the people you love and it real happiness in your life, then you xamine that. Because, buddy, you got a the fellas that don’t got a problem? We rn...RIGHT HERE. still in full costume, take in their own erotic enter- tainment in the afternoon. He just laughed. Clearly there is nothing wrong with men watching strip- pers but when they are dressed in clown suits it causes me to take pause. As a patron, | find it amusing, almost entertaining, and, well, pervers. The clowns are strolling around the strip joint making balloon penises for the waitresses and the customers. One waitress tucked her balloon penis into her pants so that it swings from side to side as she serves drinks. The waitresses and strippers remain composed and good-natured, despite the strange circumstances. Composure is not my strong suit and | am glad | am only an innocent bystander to the mayhem. Watching strippers is an age-old pastime that is enjoyed by men and women alike. | guess it was just the clown suits that sent shivers up my back. Maybe | have some deep-seeded issues with the clown community. It’s all fun and games, but please don’t poke me with your balloon penis if you don’t want to get popped one.