July 2004

 

Pg 12 Continued:

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND

1. Even though more people live on
Vancouver Island, you still got the
big new bridge.

2. You can walk across the province
in half an hour.

3. You were probably once an extra
on “Road to Avonlea.”

4. This is where all those tiny red
potatoes come from.

5. The economy is based on fish,
potatoes, and CBC TV shows.

6. Tourists arrive, see the “Anne of
Green Gables” house, then prompt-
ly leave.

7. It doesn’t matter to you if
Quebec separates.

8. You don’t share a border with the
Americans, or with anyone for that
matter.

9. You can confuse ships by turning
your porch lights on and off at
night.

 

 

TOP REASONS TO LIVE IN
NEWFOUNDLAND

1. If Quebee separates, you will
float off to sea.

2. In the rare case when someone _
moves to the Rock, you can make
them kiss dead cod.

3. The economy is based on fish, —
seafood, and fish-related products.
4. If you do something stupid, you
have a built-in excuse.

5. You and only you understand the
meaning of Great Big Sea’s lyrics.

6. The workday is about two hours _

long. —

7. You are credited with many great
inventions, like the solar-powered.
flashlight and the screen door for
submarines.

8. It is socially acceptable to wear
your hip waders on your wedding
day. _

 

 

 

  
 

. Wilson

You Know You’re Canadian if...

(From that fabulous Information Superhighway we like to call “The Internet”)

You have memorized the Heritage
Foundation’s Heritage Moments, including
your favourites, “Burnt Toast!,” “You know
I canna read a word...” and “Kanata.”

You dismiss all beers under 6 percent as
“for children and the elderly.”

You spend hours in the dark making scale
models of the Avro Arrow and cursing the
Diefenbaker government.

You cried when Gus “drowned” on Road
To Avontea. .

You watch MuchMusic constantly, in the
hopes of occasional fleeting glimpses of
Joel Plaskett.

You think there isn’t enough Queen on
our currency.

You send angry letters to the CBC
demanding the return of the Hinterland
Who’s Who spots so you can finally find
out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in
winter.

You stood in line for hours for Another
Roadside Attraction tickets.

You know the names of all the guys in
Sloan.

You have been on Speaker’s Corner.
Bonus points if The Devil’s Advocates
made fun of you.

You know the French equivalents of
“free,” “prize,” and “no sugar added,”
thanks to your extensive education in bilin-
gual cereal packaging.

You can eat more than one maple sugar
candy without feeling nauseated.

You had a crush on Joey Jeremiah from
Degrassi Junior High.

You actually watch The Gemini Awards,
The Genie Awards, and The Juno Awards.

You're proud that Captain Kirk came
from Montreal.

You wished that Relic’s boat would get
crushed to bits by one of those logs.

You're not offended by the term
“HOMO MILK.”

You understand the phrase “Could you

pass me a serviette, I just dropped my pou- -

tine on the chesterfield.”

You know that a Mickey and 2-4s mean,
“party at the camp, eh!!!”

You have Canadian Tire money in your
kitchen drawers.

You know that Casey and Finnegan were

not part of a Celtic musical group.

You know what a touque is.

You understand the Labatt Blue commer-
cials.

You know how to pronounce and spell
“Saskatchewan.”

You perk up when you hear the theme
song from Hockey Night in Canada.

You can drink legally while still a teenag-
et.

You're not sure if the leader of your
nation has EVER had sex and you really
don’t want to know if he has!

You know that the Friendly Giant isn’t a
vegetable product line.

You don’t have a Canadian passport, but
you still have your Expo 86 Passport some-
where.

Every time you’re out in a boat on the
coast you either sing “Allouette” or whistle
the theme song from Danger Bay.

You frequently clean grease off your bar-
becue so the bears won’t prowl on your
deck.

In a restaurant, you’ve apologized for not
being ready to order at the waiter’s conven-
ience.

You wait for the light to change before
crossing a deserted intersection at 3am.

You say “Hi!” to anyone walking a dog.

You’ve ever been hypnotized by the “Log
Driver’s Waltz.”
~ You understand the Red Green show, you
think Mike Bullard is charming, and you
adore Celine Dion. Wait a minute, no you
don’t.

You’ve got a spot in the closet for free
Molson Canadian t-shirts from cases of
beer.

You’ve defended your property from tres-
passers with a lacrosse stick because you
don’t own a gun.

You’ve spent a summer tree planting.
You’ve seen Crash, FUBAR, Last Night,
Hard Core Lago, and The Red Violin.

Strangers that you overhear doing Kids in
the Hall impressions quickly become bosom
buddies.

The theme song from The Littlest Hobo
still gets you a little misty-eyed.

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