humour // no. 22 consents to a little foreplay » YouPorn sponsors new DotA 2 team Brittney MacDonald H Life & Style Editor i Milifeandstyle @theotherpress.ca rand poobah of Internet depravity YouPorn is now the proud sugar daddy of their very own professional eSports team. If you don’t know what an eSport is, you've probably been too busy playing real sports to notice the accelerated growth of competitive Internet gaming. YouPorn has added relatively : : industry. Formed one year ago, : Team YP is now looking to : affirm its presence as one of the : world’s best eSports gaming : organizations.” Though, with : only four official members prior : to the acquisition that cover only ; two minor competitive gaming : leagues, Burns’ ejection might be : a bit premature. unknown North American DotA 2 team No Broodmama to their newly erected Team YP, a branch of YouPorn devoted to promoting professional gaming. The acquisition came as quite the shock, proving that Team YP are obviously growers and not showers, since many within the videogame scene were unaware of their existence until YouPorn decided to “make it rain on that : ass,” with all of their dirty, yet : satisfying money. When asked, one player : claimed he was both excited : and curious about what the : promotional work could include, : citing that he was happy that the : team was finally able to finda : sponsor with a product he could : get behind. YouPorn Vice President : Brad Burns released a statement : saying: “We're especially excited : about this partnership, for it’s : a validation of our vision for our future within the eSports This is the second time : that Team YP has attempted to : enter the competitive DotA 2 : scene, having previously picked : up Spanish team Play 2 Win. : However, the Latin lovers failed : to make it past second base, : losing the majority of their : competitive matches until the : team was mostly disbanded. The new North American : Team YP popped their competitive cherry on September 12 in a best of three against ROOT Gaming. Their performance was lacklustre, and they ended a disappointing 0-2, later issuing an apology to their adult entertainment sponsor, claiming, “It’s not you, it’s us.” With YouPorn’s “love : ‘em and leave ‘em” history of : sponsorship, it remains unclear : if this particular relationship : will continue if the new Team YP : doesn’t improve. However, being : as Team YP failed to acquire any : real MVPs for their player roster, : which consists of relatively : unknown “professional” gamers, : I guess no one told YouPorn that : you get what you pay for. Image via zquare.es Questions to ask Siri with your new Apple TV » How to short-circuit your electronics by asking it the smallest details Jerrison Oracion Senior Columnist pple has come out with yet another addition to their lineup of super smart robots (one day Is Max still in Hawaii Five-o? they will take over us all, you'll see). To prepare for this, we at the Other Press have come up with a list—for your own survival, should it come to that—of small details that may just make your technological servants hesitate for a second to think. How many times did Zoe see Frank in the subway station in House of Cards? Summarize Game of Thrones so far. Why are all of the new heroes in Heroes Reborn children? How many affairs are there in Episodes? What did people think about the season finale of season eight of Doctor Who? What is Tahiti in Agents of S.H.LE.L.D.? Show me the episode of Murdoch Who is Hannah’s best friend in Girls? Am [a Jessa? What does Jess mean by “Save the Date in New Girl? Mysteries that Stephen Harper guest starred in. Does Selina Meyer like her job in Veep? : This exercise in confusing Siri works especially ” : each question. : well if you add “without spoilers” to the end of * theotherpress.ca Image via Thinkstock Huge celebrity explains scientific fact » Millions believe what actor has to say Chandler Walter Humour Editor, 4 humour@theotherpress.ca I recent news, today gigantic celebrity Johnny Mclessney revealed the truth about a very serious and troubling problem affecting our children. It turns out that real science has concluded a direct correlation between dental fillings and the rabies virus. “Don't let your kids get fillings!” spoke Mclessney to a crowd of thousands. “Your kids will get rabies and die if they get them!” The speech was also broadcasted over multiple television and radio news stations. Within seconds, the conversation online erupted. Many parents were badmouthing dentists, demanding to know how “they could do such horrible things to my precious babies!” and many others were defending the dentists, saying that fillings were a simple, necessary, and pragmatic step set of teeth. line was drawn in the sand, with many of the anti-filling believers speaking loudly and boldly. Rallies were formed, and protest petitions were signed. Dentists were run out pro-filling demographics. “It’s a nightmare,” said : dentist Shaun Leeman. “All I : ever wanted to do was work on : people’s teeth, bother people : about flossing, and make a : humongous amount of money : doing it. Isn't rabies curable nowadays anyway? Seriously, : how could anyone have : believed this correlation?” According to the public : school system, it does not : matter how valid the belief is, : asa “belief” does not have to : be validated. Many are opposed to this : belief, as they believe that the : children without fillings are : causing harm to the education : of the pro-filling parents’ : children. “My child comes home : from school, and he says that : he couldn’t hear anything!” : pro-filling mother Jess Burges : said. “He says that all he can : hear is the moans of all the : kids who haven't seen the : dentist! Do you know how : much candy these kids eat? : TheyTe in pain!” Upon hearing that, : anti-filling protester Shiela : Cottonsworth gave her side of : : : the argument: “I would rather in ensuring you have a healthy : iy child suffer through the Sides were chosen and the absolute turmoil of his teeth : rotting right into his skull : than deal with the hassle of : having a child with rabies. : Johnny Mclessney said it : himself. If you aren’t going E to believe a famous actor, : then where do you think of towns, seeking sanctuary in : ; ; * youre going to get all of your scientific facts?” Where indeed.