Drunk Architects
Announce Plans
for Beer Can

Skyscraper

By “Salty” Liam Britten

AUSTIN, TX—Dominating the skyline in
Austin will be a new structure of massive
proportions; a new skyscraper made of empty
beer cans is to be built by the firm of Graeber,
Simmons, & Cowan, whose employees are
currently really drunk.

The future building was announced
by principal architect Al Simmons, holding a
Caesar cocktail, at the firm’s office party.

“We are confident that the project’s
final design will present minimal sight
obstructions to my secretary’s ass, which is
totally smokin’ by the way,” Simmons slurred
to a laughing group of party-goers. “It’s
ambitious, it transforms the skyline of Austin,
and I think if we can get it 40 high, that'll be
awesome.”

we [the firm of Graeber, Simmons, & Cowan] __

get.” It is to be situated in downtown Austin,
specifically on top of the living room coffee
table of host Tom Cornelius. Construction
materials will consist primarily of 355 mL
beer cans, but tall boys have not been ruled
out.

“I believe that this structure is
perfect for an Austin on the move,” Simmons
announced. “It will be a multi-use facility;
therefore, it will not only be awesome, but
also totally awesome!”

Final approval for the construction

hinges on DireGreg Guernsey of Austin’s
Neighbourhood Planning and Zoning
Department, who is currently busy vomiting
in the washroom.

January 21, 2008

  

The skyscraper, drafted by architect
Paul Meyer, is to be one can thick and it’s height
is to be determined by “however the hell drunk

 

 

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