© the other press © Sports March 17, 2004 SPORTS SHORTS Flash’s Weekly Five Fitness Tips * Tie your shoes, you'll live longer. * Avoid sports that require massive weight gain, for example Sumo Wrestling. * Focus on lifting with proper form. ¢ See instructor for the proper form is for lifting weights then go to tip three. * Don’ eat a full meal before exercise unless you want to see the meal again. Bollocks Flash Gordon Here’s a list of proposed new teams in addition to badminton, basketball, baseball, golf, rugby, soccer, volleyball, and wrestling for the Douglas Royals: ¢ Dwarf tossing—you don’t even have to be a strapping athlete. Be light and aerodynamic, and you've got yourself a job! ¢ Team heckling—finally the jackasses you know will have something to compete for! * Underwater hockey—don’t laugh! Some people actually play this sport seriously. No really! ¢ Bum fighting—no not really. But wouldn't you be pissed off if it were true? * Bobsledding—Jamaica can do it, why can’t Douglas College?! ¢ Synchronized hotdog eating—can'’t you tell I just wasn’t trying for that one? Surely I could have come up with something better than syn- chronized hotdog eating. * Beach volleyball!—I’m seriously praying for this one! NHL's Five Lowest Moments Compiled By: CF Miley OP Columnist Brutal cheap shots are nothing new in NHL hockey. In light of the Bertuzzi incident last week, we have compiled a list of the five worst moments in league history. The extent of Steve Moore’s injuries will go a long way towards deciding where Todd Bertuzzi’s actions land him on future lists of NHL infamy. The following five hockey low- lights were compiled from CBC Sports Online. 1. Retaliatory hit begets All- Star game Boston Bruins defenceman Eddie Shore was considered one of the roughest players of his era. On Dec. 12, 1933, in a game versus the Leafs, Toronto's King Clancy stood up Shore at the blue line as he was rushing up the ice with the puck. No penal- ty was called. An irate Shore exacted revenge by slamming into Leaf winger Ace Bailey with a vicious hit from behind, sending the future Hall of Famer crashing headlong into the ice. Bailey suffered a fractured skull—onlookers said it sounded like a watermelon hitting pave- ment—and never played again. A benefit game held the next year in his honour morphed into what is now the NHL All- Star Game. FOP Sports Editor, Flash Gordon is looking for e 2. Rocket Richard’s tomahawk and ensuing riots The longtime Hab set the stan- dard for snipers with an eight- point game in 1944. Few can forget his 14 All-Star selections or his 1961 Hall of Fame induc- tion. But the fiery “Rocket” Richard may best be known for the riot he sparked. It stemmed from a March 13, 1955, game in which Richard was given a match penalty for deliberately injuring Hal Laycoe —tomahawking him over the head with his stick—and punch- ing linesman Cliff Thompson. Richard was later suspended for the rest of the season, causing an uproar amongst Habs fans, given Richard was leading the NHL in scoring and his team was bat- tling for first place. The following season, NHL president Clarence Campbell was pelted with eggs while attending a game between the Canadiens and Detroit at the Montreal Forum. The game was forfeited and the arena evacuated due to an out-of-control crowd that took to the streets. A riot ensued, causing $500,000 in damage. 3. Wayne Maki fractures Ted Green’s Skull Imagine the worst stick-swing- ing incident of the modern NHL era, complete with heavy wooden sticks and_ helmets nowhere in sight. Voila, you have St. Louis’ Wayne Maki opposite “Terrible” Ted Green of the Boston Bruins, 1969-70 in Ottawa. In the midst of a pre-season game, Maki knocked Green down from behind. The latter retaliated by slashing Maki, who hit the ice. Maki speared Green, who again sent Maki flying. The pair soon exchanged vicious slashes until Maki clubbed Green over the head, fracturing his skull. Green needed three major circa operations to save his life and had a steel plate inserted in his head. Maki was suspended for 30 days and Green for 12 games when he returned to action one year later. Assault charges were filed against both players, who were later acquitted. 4. Hunter ends Turgeon’s play- off run Dale Hunter could hurt an opposing team on more than just on the score sheet. The winger was never one to shy away from the dirty side of hockey. When he retired from the game in March 2000, he was the only player in NHL history to record more than 300 goals and 1,000 points while still recording over 3,000 penalty minutes. But his brutal crosscheck on New York Islanders forward Pierre Turgeon in an April 1993 playoff game was a black mark on his career. After Turgeon scored a playoff series-clinching goal, Hunter came in from behind and nailed the Islanders forward into the sideboards, sep- arating Turgeon’s shoulder. Hunter, then with the Washington Capitals, was given a then-NHL-record 21—game suspension. Turgeon missed six weeks of action and his Islanders exited during the conference finals. 5. Marty McSorely slashes Donald Brashear Perhaps no other incident res- onated in and out of hockey cir- cles than Marty McSorley- Donald Brashear incident of February 2000. McSorley, in the dying sec- onds of a game between his Boston Bruins and Brashear’s Vancouver Canucks, slashed the side of Brashear’s head with his stick. When the blow was struck, Brashear fell backwards and slammed his head against the ice. Brashear, who had no mem- ory of the incident, suffered a severe concussion. Outrage ensued and McSorley, who was suspended for 23 games, found himself on trial for assault with a weapon that October. The aging enforcer, who could have received an 18—month jail sen- tence, was handed an 18—month conditional discharge. The only stipulation was that he couldn't play any sport where Brashear was on the opposing team. However, that condition really didn’t matter anyway. The 17-year NHL enforcer, with two Stanley Cups to his name, never played another NHL game. ute news articles finter editions of Submissions can dcsportsedito Page 22 e http://www.otherpress.ca