Iam committed to not committing

» In our 20s, we really don’t have to commit to anything—or anyone

Ashley Ogilvie
The Peak (Simon Fraser University)

WwW got Jeremih cranked
as loud as our petty
laptop speakers will go, and
we shout, “commit to not
committing!” and high-five
each other a little too hard.
We're half-kidding. After all,
it has a ring to it and we're fueled
up on angst and desire. But there
is a point to it—a truth value that
isn’t as bad as it may sound.
When I say commit to not
committing, I’m not advocating
for hook-up culture. I’m not
saying skip all your classes,
quit your job because you don't
like getting up early, and hang
out in your bedroom avoiding
responsibility. I’m not suggesting
you shouldn't enter a relationship,
or that the commitment of
a relationship is anything
that should be toyed with.
Rather, I mean that you have
every right to stop answering
people when they ask you where
you'll be in two years. You have
every right to stay single despite
the questions regarding your
relationship status at every family
gathering. You can transfer
universities, you can switch
jobs, you can move out of your
parent’s house, and you can

: move toa different country.

And more importantly,

: when you do, you are under no

: obligation to put your life under
: a time-frame for the benefit

: of other people’s knowledge.

: Essentially, we’re upwards of

: 20 years old, and there is no

: requirement stating we have to

: commit to some kind of life plan
: right now—if anything, we can

: commit to the impermanence

: of our situations, and embrace

: our ever-changing lives.

“Not committing” has

: nothing to do with avoiding

: responsibility, and everything

: to do with embracing flexibility.
: We in our 20s are living out

: some of the most flexible times
: of our lives, and it’s important

: to accept the possibility that

: there are things in our lives

: that hold us back, and despite

> our commitment to them, it

: may be time to walk away.

Young adults are terrified

: of commitment. We avoid it

: like the plague, and often try to
: cover it up with a half-hearted

: joke. In one of the several

: communications courses I took,
: we learned about methods

: of persuasion—that people

: feel uneasy about backing

: out of a purchase if there was

: some level of commitment

 

: involved. School life and career
: choices are no different.

There is a time and place

: for commitment. But I think we

: need to be careful with what we

: choose to commit to in our 20s,

: and more than that, I think there
: needs to be an understanding of
: the importance of walking away.

 

: I don’t want to end up pursuing
: acareer because I felt obligated
: bya commitment I made to

: my parents or friends. I don’t

: want to end up maintaining an
: unhealthy relationship because
: I'm too afraid to walk away.

We can be flexible right

: now. Completely. I don’t think

   
  

Image via thinkstock

: it’s something to be wasted.

: That’s what I mean when I

: refer to not committing, but

: it’s a whole lot easier to just

: high-five your roommate and

: toast your wine glasses to being
: “committed to not committing”
: than it is to try and explain

: it. And it’s a lot more fun.

 

Those were the dates

» Six reasons why you need to change your outlook of dating

Elliot Chan
Opinions Editor
~. We, Sopinions@theotherpress.ca

 
 

t’s been years since I’ve dated.
If you dropped me back into
the dating scene, I wouldn't turn
cool, confident, and desirable; I
would become feral, become the

creepy guy at the club, or become :

a loner who waits around until
one of my other single friends
calls me up to hang out. That’s

because the term “dating” is scary. !

I don’t know how to date. I
never did. I never had an online
dating profile or anything like
that. I don’t believe dating, in
the traditional dinner and a
movie sense, is the way to meet
people. At least, it shouldn't
be the origin of a relationship.
Dating is like gambling. You are
betting on a person, ona night,
or on an event to turn out in
your favour—which is selfish.
Dating can be any activity, but
dating itself should be invisible.
It shouldn't be quantified (ex.
first date, second date, etc.).

Because of conventional
thinking, dating garnered this

——

: negative connotation and it

: plants a bad seed in our minds,
: psyching us out. In this article,
: [ll look at six different ways

: to look at dating that will give

: you a more positive outlook

: on your prospective love.

1) A relationship is a

: friendship, so start with a

: friendship. Ifyou are having

: trouble even getting your friends
: to hang out with you, you need

: to reevaluate. There is nothing

: wrong with hanging out with a

: friend. Having someone loyal—

: even if they have put you in

: the friend zone—helps people
: understand you. Don’t look for
: aspouse, look fora friend.

2) New experiences offer

> new opportunities. Do what you
: want to do and invite people

: who want to join you. Don’t

: make plans around people;

: make plans for you. If someone
: wants to join you, they are more
: than welcome, but regardless,

: you will have an experience. If

: you go alone, you might even

: meet someone along the way.

  

3) Learn something and

: work together. Take a class or

: invest yourself in a project. A

: relationship is all about learning
: and collaborating together. By

: participating in an educational

: experience with someone,

: you can determine whether

: you can function together.

4) Find an anchor. Don't be

: persistent; be steady. Romantic
: comedies have ruined many

: people’s understanding of

: romance. The never-say-die

: attitude is poison in a sprouting

Image via thinkstock

: relationship. Romance, after all,
: is not something you commit

: 100 per cent of your life to. You

: have to steady your own ship

: before other people will hop

: on. Get an education. Get a job.
: Move out of your parents’. Focus
: on more than romance. If you

: are unrelenting with finding

: dates, you are merely pushing

: people onto your sinking vessel.

5) Be vulnerable. So often

: dating can seem like a job

: interview where we try to look

: our best. It’s not a job interview.
: You won't lose anything for

: being genuine. Obviously,

: don’t end up weeping over your
: ex, but open up your world

: and be open-minded when

: your date does the same.

6) Make plans. Life is the

: Moments you spend making

: plans. You can tell if you’ve found
: the one if the two of you are able
: to follow through with the plans

: you've made. Mortgage, marriage,
: vacations, or mundane things

: like a trip to the supermarket—

: these are the plans you'll make

: while growing old together. A

: date is really just a plan that

: you kept, and it’s not so scary.