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page 18

It was late Sunday afternoon. Fight-
ing deadlines, Other Press staffers
were taking a break for coffee. While
walking through the concourse, the

by DAVE WATSON and
JOEL HAGEN

 

entertainment writers spotted an or-
ange tent on the third level. We drew
our pens and advanced slowly up the
steps. We were met by a bizarre sight:
two young men in abnormal Hawaiian
shirts and unique headgear. One was
relaxing-in a battered old lounge chair,

_ engrossed in a copy of the Other Press.

The other was bashing out an English
essay on a beat up manual typewriter.
Realizing the potential for a fabulous
story, we rushed forward ito interview
the pair.

O.P.:Hi, we’re from the Och Press.
Can we ‘interview you guys?

Two Guys: Uh...okay, if you don’t use
our names.

O.P.: What are you doing up here?
First Guy: We’re making dinner.
O.P.: What else? Do you live here?
First Guy: Sort of. We’re just camping
here for the semester.

Second Guy: Yeah. Education cut-
backs.

O.P.: You’ve been here all
tember?

First Guy: Since registration. | figure-
_ someone would find us sooner or
ater.

Sep-

O.P.: What about the security guards?

Second Guy: We paid them off a long
time ago

O.P.: (aside ) Make a note of that.
First Guy: We get up at six to pack up
before anyone’s in the building. The
guard wakes us up.

O.P.: Where do you put everything?
You've got a free-standing tent, a

Primus stove, a blender, lawn furni-
ture, all that food and stuff in the tent,
an ironing board, and a cooler full of
beer.

Second Guy: A storeroom in the base-
ment is included in the rent.

First Guy: We can tear down camp in
ten minutes.

O.P.: Is this your usual spot?

First Guy: Well we camp all over the
place. You know, we don’t want to get
stuck in arut. We just stay out of the
way of the other people.

O.P.: The other people?

Second Guy: Yeah, sure. There’s about
a dozen of us scattered around the
concourse.

O.P.: Where? | don’t see any.
Second Guy: Of course not. They stay
hidden. If you get discovered it could
be a bad thing.

O.P.: Is it comfortable?

First Guy: It’s great! There’s a lot of
room, and this place is like a rec
centre.There’s a gym, the weight
room, showers. The cocktail lounge on
the fourth floor is where we spend a lot
of our time.

O.P.: Cocktail lounge? (aside) Make a
note of that.

Second Guy: Yeah, you know, up in
administration. Haven’t you guys ever
been their?

O.P.: No.

First Guy: God, you guys are really
missing out. | betyou don’t know about
the hot tub in the P.E. department

PR Pr Cir:

CPPILII CL Le

_ THE OTHER PRESS

R ail riff-r af THE SECOND INSTALLMENT

either.

O.P.: NO (aside) Make a note of that.
Second Guy: Yeah, this place is miles
better than home ever was, except for
the caf, but then my mom doesn’t work
there, so | really shouldn’t expect
much. Butit’s fun to guess the mystery
meat.

O.P.: What do you do on an average
day?

First Guy: We get up at six on
weekends, cook up some pancakes,
wash the dishes, and hang around the
rails until classes. start. By the way, do
you know the guys who wrote that
stupid article about the people on the
rails?

O.P.: Uh...no. Pretty big staff down
there. Hard to remember everyone’s
names. What else do you do during the
day?

Second Guy: We usually go to classes,
unless we decide to skip them to go
down to the bar. We come back to the
school to set up after everyoneis gone.
O.P.: | guess since you’re around
school all day you must find alot of
time to study. How are your marks?
First Guy: Well...actually we’re audit-
ing all our courses this semester.
Second Guy: Yeah. If we like any of
them we'll take them again next
semester to make the Dean’s list.
O.P.: Hey, we’re doing that too. What
address did you put down at registra-
tione

Second Guy: We snuck into the
mailroom the night before registration
and...how should | put this? Obtained
a post office box.

O.P.: And that’s worked?

First Guy: So far, except for the bash
we had a couple of weeks ago after
pubnight. Everyone forgot which
classroom it was in, so we had to get
the old bullhorn out and give direc-
tions. Luckily, it was an unused class-
room, because it took a couple of days
to clean up.

O.P.: What kind of party was it?
First Guy: It was a ‘‘favourite vegeta-
ble’ party, but their was a few
problems. The guy who came as a
broccoli ended up in fragments.

O.P.: How?

First Guy: He got stomped on by a big
artichoke.

 

O.P.: Didn’t anybody try to stop him?
Second Guy: This one lettuce tried, but
he got his head kicked in.

All: Laughter.

O.P.: What else do you guys do for
fun?

First Guy: Well, we like to swim.
O.P.: Where? Off the docks?

First Guy: No. In the outdoor pool by
the library.

O.P.: That can’t be more than six
inches deep!

First Guy: | do the front crawl, so it’s
no skin off my back.

Second Guy: Yeah, you take what you
can get. We also take out video
machines from the library for movie
nights once or twice a week.

O.P.: You guys lead a pretty easy life.
First Guy: Not really. It can get pretty
cold here at night, so we like to light
campfires, or winter in the boiler
room. On hot days we head up to the
rooftop terrace garden to work on our
tans. For exercise we practice moun-
tain climbing by. scaling the south

EIT ARK Sey rhe tet

“October 5th, 1984

building.

Second Guy: Or if we feel lazy we just
take the elevator.

O.P.: This has been very informative.
Mind if-we take some pictures?

First Guy: Not if you put those little
black bars over our eyes like they do in
real newspapers.

- O.P.: Deal.

Our journalistic appetites whetted,
we began the painfully slow process of
following up the leads the two guys
had given us.
O.P. Number 1: Which of these
numerous-leads do you want to follow
up first?

O.P. Number 2: Let’s check out the
cocktail lounge.
O.P. Number 1: Okay.

We proceeded to the lounge but
couldn’t afford the cover charge.

In the weeks to come we will dig up
the stories behind these rumours.
Tune in as we explore the nooks and
crannys of the college. Marvel, as we
search for the secret to life itself.

 

and

 

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