The “Other” News

 

CIA redacts “lolcats” containing state secrets

By Liam Britten

“Well, actually, they are pretty cute,” said
McConnell at a press conference. “I mean, look at this
little guy! He wants to has a cheezeburger! If that’s

+ 1 | | . not funny, I don’t know what is!”
i. ry a AT iy L _ McConnell, after regaining his composure, was
‘ unable to answer definitively as to how these state
secrets escaped the Pentagon.
“Tn all honesty, it was probably Barb at
% », reception. She loves these things, and she’s usually
_ forwarding them to everyone in the office,” said
McConnell. “My guess is she might’ve added
osama69@hotmail.com to the mailing list, and,
= well, there you go. So, as a result, we’ve decided to
remove some of the most incriminating and nationally
damaging images from the series of tubes...I mean,
internet!”
According to McConnell, the information the
images held was some of the most valuable data the
; S CIA has been entrusted with. He told reporters that
ual ay . eee. retrieving the data was of “the utmost importance.”
CENSORED “Look, there’s no telling who could have that
@ : information now,” McConnell said. “Iran, Cuba,
ebaumsworld.com, any of those forces of evil could
be in possession of our secrets. And if North Korea

 

ever replaces their Telex system with an internet
4 CIA has announced that in an effort to protect national security, several popular connection, there’ll be hell to pay.”
images of cats being distributed over the internet will undergo redaction, a censorship Added McConnell: “These images could spell the end of iy If we don’t find
process that removes state secrets from publication. them soon, we could have a nuclear lol-ocaust on our hands!”
The images in question are known as “lolcats,” and generally feature comical images The director then began to laugh loudly, and told one of his aides to “write that one

of cats with poorly-spelled captions. While many internet users find the images funny, John down.”
Michael McConnell, director of national intelligence does not.

 

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