pinions.

OFF

CAMPUS

CUISINE

By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor

Does cafeteria food fail to cater to your
taste buds? Not digging the Dougout?
Then grab your finest bib and try to
avoid drooling on the person next

to you, because we're here to offer
salvation for you students looking to
humble your hunger, without having to
wear your shoes out getting there.

estaurants that establish
BRaente around a specific

dish live on the edge. It
means they’re catering to a smaller
customer niche—immediately
writing off the market of people
who don’t care for whatever it is
that they’re peddling—and it also
means they have to be damn good
for it to be a speciality. Burgers
are tricky because they’re one
of the most common dishes in
the restaurant business, but also
because quality usually means
pricier. Some people just don’t want
to spend more than 10 bucks on a
piece of meat on a bun when they’re
perfectly content with the $1.39

 

way to describe it. Plants dangling
from the ceiling, vintage wall
decorations, and a neon sign glaring
at you with its “Best Burgers in
Town” mission statement. The
almost excessive amount of local
awards and certificates plastered

on the walls were undoubtedly a

“Though | felt unambitious as all hell, craving a simple burger with
cheese and bacon, | forced myself to try out a variation | had never seen
on a menu before: the teriyaki mozzarella and mushroom burger.’

version found lurking under the
heat lamps at McDonalds. But every
now and then I get a hankering for
a burger that won’t wreck havoc

on my digestive tract—with this in
mind I found myself at New West’s
very own Burger Heaven on a lazy
Wednesday afternoon.

The place was surprisingly
empty for a weekday lunch hour—
though I'd hate to see the roughly
16-table restaurant packed. The
eerie haunted house-vibe that the
building emits is kept exclusively
to the outside, in exchange for
an interior decor setup that is
somewhere between a Louisiana
swamp shack and a steakhouse.

I know this might be a difficult
hybrid to picture, but it’s the only

14

fateful foreshadow of my meal to
come.

The service was pleasant
enough, though a large takeout
order coinciding with my visit had
made my server’s life noticeably
difficult. The menu was exactly
what you'd expect from a place
with the name Burger Heaven:
several pages bursting with burger
variations with a section for
sandwiches and a few other dishes
to satisfy the non-beef and bun
admirer. Though I felt unambitious
as all hell, craving a simple burger
with cheese and bacon, I forced
myself to try out a variation I had
never seen on a menu before: the
teriyaki mozzarella and mushroom
burger. The inner menu displaying

Burger Heaven

All patties go to heaven—or at least the good ones do

spiked milkshakes also caught my
eye and I couldn’t resist adding a
B52 milkshake to my bill.

The music playing in the
background reminded me of a
1960s honeymooning soundtrack,
as the server returned shortly
with my milkshake. I grinned in
anticipation, for I knew that within
the familiar cup and accompanying
metal milkshake canister, there
was a cleverly disguised ounce
and a half of liquor. The beverage
itself was smooth and rich, with
the vanilla and liquor living ina
balanced harmony. Unfortunately,
milkshakes aren’t a frequent
occurrence in my life and I had
forgotten how filling they can be.
By the time my burger arrived,
accompanied by a mound of
potato wedges, my stomach was
already complaining about a lack of
vacancy. A good sign, in a way, but
terrible news in another.

After a momentary breather,

I continued on my quest to
conquer my meal. Likely the most
disappointing part of my plate was
the side of wedges. I can’t recall a
time where I’ve been let down by
deep-fried chunks of potato, but
Burger Heaven popped my cherry
on that one. They were an off-
brown colour and contained only
traces of warmth, suggesting that

they had been sitting for a while
before making their way to me.

Thankfully the burger swooped
in at the last minute and saved the
meal from being a write-off. Heaps
of mushrooms and gooey melted
mozzarella drenched over a juicy
patty. While teriyaki isn’t the first
sauce that comes to my mind when
I think burgers, the flavour was a
welcome, almost tangy addition.
Eating hamburgers in public isn’t
my strong suit and this behemoth
was no exception, slipping and
dripping from my fingertips
throughout the ordeal. When there
was still about half of my burger
left, my stomach let loose a groan
that convinced me to stop eating
before anything internal burst, and
I was forced to admit defeat by
deliciousness. Not necessarily a loss
in my books.

The prices are average for a
speciality burger joint (ranging
from $10-14 for most dishes) and
the incredibly close proximity to
Douglas makes me wonder why I
ever opted for cookie cutter Subway
sandwiches when I could have
been chowing down on benevolent
burgers. Just remember to bring
your appetite—or be prepared to
carry a doggy bag home.

Burger Heaven is located at 77 10"
Street in New Westminster.