The United States is the Worst Country Ever

   

/ RIGHT HOOK GOES LEFT CROSS

 

\ JJ. McCullough, OP Columnist

used to be a pretty conservative guy,
I but these days it’s hard not to be

won over by the left when you look
at the massive war crimes that are being
routinely perpetrated by that idiot in the
White House. America has always been a
criminal nation guilty of atrocities worse
than Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan
combined, but this current regime has got
to be one of the most bloodthirsty of all
time.

Ever since Karl Rove rigged the voting
machines in Ohio to steal the 2004 elec-
tion (by the way, has anyone seen John
Kerry lately? I’m just saying his absence is
suspicious), the so-called “President”

Guest Cartoonist - George W. Bush

8 | www.theotherpress.ca

Bush has been waging one of the most
systematic wars against human rights,
democracy, and freedom in modern histo-
ry. And I am a 20-year-old college student,
so obviously I am well qualified to make
sweeping generalizations about what has
happened in the last several decades.

Did you see that “election” in Iraq? It
made Bush’s own sham election look like
a triumph of democracy! I mean, I hear
some Iraqis didn’t vote. What kind of
election is that? Not to mention the fact
that a radical Islamic government didn’t
get elected, even though Noam Chomsky
says that’s what most Iraqis want. I bet
their new government will just be a bunch
of retired Haliburton executives like that
puppet regime the US already installed in
Afghanistan. I know I’d much rather be
governed by the Taliban or Saddam
Hussein than know one drop of my coun-
try’s oil was being sold to the United
States. My heart goes out to the people of
those poor countries.

Then there was the murder of the
Lebanese Prime Minister in what was
obviously a covert CIA job in order to
give a shallow pretext for the coming
invasion of Syria. Or maybe it was a pre-
text for the invasion of Iran. Either way,
I’m sure another invasion is coming. If
you ask me, the only country worth invad-

ing in the Middle East is Israel. It’s by far
the most oppressive country in the region.
That Ariel Sharon is exactly like Hitler. In
fact, I cannot think of a single way in
which modern-day Israel is any different
from Nazi Germany.

Time and time again, America just
keeps trying to shoehorn democracy
down people’s throats. It totally offends
me. I mean, does it ever occur to Bush to
ask the Arabs if they want democracy?
Obviously they don’t, since Arabs are too
primitive to be democratic in the first
place. Oops, did I say primitive? I meant
to say they have “alternative forms” of
governance that we westerners don’t
understand and should never criticize.
Suggesting that the third world could ever
be doing anything wrong is a form of
racism and colonialism, you know.

We should be supporting nations like
Iran, Syria, and North Korea rather than
condemning them. I mean, sure they may
support terrorism, but America supported
Bapista in Cuba 47 years ago, so Bush
should hardly be pointing the finger.
Besides, one man’s terrorist is another
man’s freedom fighter. Osama Bin Laden
has legitimate concerns, but obviously the
Bush cabal is too blinded by their own
racism to pay attention. I mean, geez,
9/11 should have been a wake-up call for

 

 

the US to stop supporting anti-Soviet
resistance fighters in Afghanistan, as I
understand that was the “root cause” of
the attacks. But as far as I know, he’s made
absolutely no moves on this front.
Figures.

And let’s not forget the whole Sudan
genocide thing, which I also assume is
US-backed in some way. Bush probably
wants all the Sudanese to kill each other
so American corporations can eventually
seize control of the vast Sudanese olive
fields without opposition. They did the
same thing in Panama, so I guess we
should not be too surprised. No blood for
olives is what I say.

Too bad you never hear about any of
this in the “mainstream media.” Today’s
media is totally controlled by the corpo-
rate agenda. The only solution is to turn
to unbiased, alternative sources like the
Vancouver Marxist Times. It was in that
paper that I learned that there was an
Iran-Iraq wat in 1988, and America sup-
ported Saddam! Can you believe that? The
mainstream media is totally silent about
this event that happened 17 years ago, but
I guess that’s to be expected, considering
all mainstream radio networks, television
stations, and newspaper publishers are
controlled by Jews, er, capitalists like
Rupert Murdoch and Izzie Asper. I feel
bad for all those gullible fools who believe
everything they read. Not including my
readets, of course. My propaganda is
totally different because it’s left wing, and
therefore completely justifiable.

I will pause here for a moment to
bring up some unrelated Cold War events
for no reason. Did you know the CIA
overthrew the democratically elected
President of Chile in 1973? It’s true! And
the US backed the Indonesians invading
East Timor! Someday I'll go backpacking
in those countries and ask every local I see
about these events. I mean, I haven’t got-
ten over them, so it logically follows that
no one else has either.

All I can say is that when I look at the
sad state of the world that the US has cre-
ated, it makes me glad that I live in
Canada, this multi-cultural paradise of
free healthcare and gun control. Of
course, it’s not all paradise; after all, we
still have to be on guard against that
Stephen Harper and his neo-con plan to
make Canada into the 51st state through
tax cuts and military funding. But overall,
I can still sleep soundly knowing we have
a wise and competent Liberal government
in Ottawa who remain ever vigilant in our
nation’s ongoing war against the dark
forces of Americanization. If only the
rest of the planet were so lucky.

March 30/2005