—Underfoot .. TEN... NINE... EIGHT... SEVEN... SIX Ss ws THREE... “ONE FIVE ...FOUR Two... .GOD, | HATE MONDAY MORNINGS... : The Sagging S Saga aoe Soon to be a new NBC Mini-series! (Fade In...) Gasp. ‘‘What happened to Roger?’’ exclaimed Mark Tener. “When the Eludium 33 Expanding Space Modulator blew up,’’ said V.J. rubbing one pointy ear, ‘‘the resulting explosion blew him through. the polar field of the Van de Graaf generator. | would surmise that. he has been transformed into a salami sandwich with mustard or blown into a different dimension.”’ “Blech,’’ said Dave Watson as he choked on his Kaiser bun. “It’s okay,’’ replied Victor, ‘‘that’s from the cafeteria. ‘‘Double Blech,’’ wretched Dave as he keeled over behind the typesetter. “Then where is he?’” asked Al Snider, “In another. Dimension obviously, you laser breath,’’ said Victor. “Which Dimension?” asked Bruce Henderson. minds me of: San sD tery. “Ohi \‘shut“ip,’’ said Dr. Bisset, “we havehi't.got:time for foolishness. Le calls for a medium!” inter- jected Pat O'Doherty... ¢ “No, I'd say an extra large, ‘plied Larry. fans? “Shut up Larrytt/:én. Page, Stan Pickthall, Caréline Hardoriand Sandra McMillan :thorused,* with Rhonda Jeschke, Jane: :Muskens and _Dave “‘Oh, gross,”’ said Dave Watson. “What is it?’” queried V.J. “That wasn’t bologna in my sand- wich,” replied Dave, ‘‘it was flakes of Dan Hilborn.”’ “That's last week,’’ said Dr. Bisset. “Hey, who's going to be the. medium?” asked Dwayne Sutherland ‘Use Wonder Kitty,’’ sugeésted: “denim jacket darted around the room Kathy Nichols. “Oh shit,’’ thought, Wonder Rise as he slid out the door; “There goes our: ineditin, "said “Looked like a vetite me,”” said Larry shut up, Larry,’’ screamed the whole office. ‘I’m afraid we'll. need massive telekinetic energy to transverse the psychotic plane and free Roger,’’ said Victor. “‘Why don’t we just leave him,’’ suggested Donna. “1 want my money,’’ whined Dr. Bisset. “Okay, okay, let’s stop bickering,’’ said V.J. ‘‘We’re going to have to bring in the agents of social change. ‘You mean the CUPoids,’’ murmur- red Stewart reverently. “Yes. | happen to sa the CUPoids. are convening at the University of Alberta at this very moment. “We must prepare to journey across the mountain range!’’ exclaimed Joel Hagen. ‘‘Quickly, get the mules ready, load the packs. Where’s my trail mix? Where’s the guide? Where’s...”’ “‘Hey listen, Durango. Why don’t you just take the plane?’ interrupted Stewart Woolverton. “‘Oh, yeah. Never thought of that,’’ said Joel as he wiped the mule dung off of his hiking boots. “Hey, wanna get that ass out of the office?’ said Pat. We ee ‘have 12 hours, there’s a. “| resent that,’’ said Larry. “‘l meant the Other Ass,’’ replied Pato “You better take someone with you Joel,’’ said V.J. ‘It will be a dangerous mission, life threatening with many unknowns; you may not come back alive or whole. If there is one among you who has the courage to fulfill this task, take one step forward.’’ Suddenly Norah Holtby found herself in the midst of a vacant office. “Congrats,’’ said V.J. ‘“You’re our man. | mean woman.”’ “Do | at least get a last meal?’ asked Norah sadly. “Want a bite of my sandwich?’’ offered Dave, crawling out from under the typesetter. ‘Gee, thanks,’’ replied Norah. Holey man Omar Shariff Mohammed performed the blessing ritual for Joel and Norah. Bowing to the East, they intoned the sacred litany: “We are CUPoids We are the agents of Social Change We transverse any plane or void :An injust world to rearrange.’ “Arid. with that they departed for the Hand: .of the Butter Dome. ’We can’t just sit here,’’ exclaimed lan Lyon. ‘‘We’ve got to do some- thing.’’ “‘Damned right, ’’ said Dr. Bisset. ‘I want my money.’ “What's that funny smell? re- marked Donna. os “‘Look!’’ exclaimed ~ Kathy. “Slime.’’ x “1 resent that‘? saiit’ ‘Tancy. * fi “No, wha He, It 8 coming out of © the wall. Ae “Hot Dai said Omar the Holey fan. Ss, ade ie “At! s Roger, he’s trying to communi- :Heate;’’ said Donna. # Suddenly the shadow of a ragged crying ‘‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!’’ ““Why me!’’ moaned Donna. “He’s too weak,’’ shouted V.J. ‘‘Someone’s got to go in after him!’ Ross Kelleway grabbed some 1 point line tape and threw it into the now gaping hole that had formed in the wall. He dug his mighty clay foot seid the floor and began pulling on the ine. “Look out,’’ screamed lan, grab- bing onto the line tape just as Ross was about to tumble into the void. ‘‘We need more muscle. Quick, bring on the mule.’ . Brian came out of the darkroom, with a wide grin on his face, leading the mule. V.J. and Donna harnessed the mule up to the line tape. Everyone strained with all their might, but in vain. The — tripped and fell into the flaming voi “Oh God!*’ cried V.J. as the void closed over: ‘“We lost him.’’ Everyone sat down on the floor. ‘4l've lost my money.’’ sobbed Brian. Suddenly the office shook and the mule came charging through the falling plaster with Roger hanging on for dear life. “Look at that hole,” screamed ‘Donna. “Administration is going to shit when they see that.’’ “ook at it this way,’’ said Larry, ‘we sent in one ass and got HOROSCOPES by CYNTHIA KILT ARIES (March 21-April 19): Concern for partners - good time for working with others on group projects. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Watch for extra costs - don’t spend foolishly. Time of hard work with minor ob- stacles appearing that can easily be resolved. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): It’s a good time for researching any areas of concern. Friends will be helpful. Good time to socialize. CANCER (June 21-July 22): A week of introspection - try to set goals and begin working towards them. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some family concerns may occur that make daily work difficult. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Things are starting to come together. But watch out that you don’t overdo it celebra- ting. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It’s a time for self-improvement, other opinions should be given some consideration, particularly your family. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s a time for hard work - defining objectives and’ enacting plans for the future. _ SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Concern with finances can be resolved. Time for relaxation. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Hard work brings you very good results. Money problems are more ey handled. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Time to try to sort out your priorities - don’t put things off or you may have difficulties getting back to finish them. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Watch out for minor problems with those in authority. Bowser Buys The Biscuit Dacron, OHIO - A local dog was pronounced dead on arrival at Dacron’ Memorial Animal Hospital last Tues- day. The apparent cause of death, according to the owner of the dog, was an overdose of ‘‘at least two pounds of chocolate chips’’. A coroner’s jury is expected to reach an official verdict before the end of the week.