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(¥ Mega earthquake to relieve pressure on housing market
(Y The lazy workout
( Pun, 2,3

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Contact: Chandler Walter, Humour Editor
Mhumour@theotherpress.ca

 

Students take to the outdoors,
permanently

» ‘Alternative Living’ deemed the key to staying debt-free

Chandler Walter
Humour Editor
humour@theotherpress.ca

his summer has seen an

increase in cloudless days,
warmer climes, and, evidently,
students planning to forgo
customary living conditions
come September.

“Alternative Living” is
the revolutionary new tactic
students are pursuing to keep
their financially doomed heads
above water.

It appears to be the product
of the mild climate found
in Vancouver, alongside the
outrageous housing prices.
Students have simply opted out
of the latter.

“It’s as much an act of
protest as it is a means of saving
money,” said Douglas College
student Veronica Remington.
“The whole ‘housing’ thing
is overrated anyways. There

: are plenty of people living in

: Vancouver making it alright

: without a roof over their heads.
: Just look at Will Smith: he still

: managed to pursue happiness,

: even after being kicked out of

: West Philadelphia, or wherever.”

Remington has made

: the decision to follow in the

: footsteps of her favourite actor

: and join the group of students

: setting up camp across the street
: from the Coquitlam Douglas

: campus.

“I wouldn't say that we're

: ‘homeless, necessarily,” said Jake
: Shepard, the de-facto leader of

: the ragtag group, “we have made
: the soil our home. The trees,

: the forest, the water park, and

: the volleyball pit. We are one

: with this Earth, and the Earth

: supplies us with all we need.”

Chris Owens explained

: that it was more of a financial

: decision for him. “I just couldn't
: make rent, and the next thing

: you know, here I am. It’s not

: so bad. Where most homeless

: people go wrong is in the drugs.
: They do too much. I mean hey,
: don’t get me wrong, you need

: to be at least a little bit high out
: here, or the lake water tastes

: terrible and you start to feel the
: bugs. But know your limit.”

The movement finds its

: roots in the recent successes

: of Anh Cao, a foreign student

: who graduated from the
University of Toronto with a 4.0
: GPA, enduring homelessness

: throughout his studies.

“My mom would probably

: let me back into the house if

: I had grades like that.” Owens

: commented. “He must have been
: doing something right, maybe

: this was it.”

The group remains

hopeful for their own academic
: improvements, and that the

: warm and rainless days will

: continue long into the fall and
: winter months.

 

Passing privilege

» Students campaign for ‘passing grade rights’

Adam Tatelman
Staff Writer

dozen angry protesters

gathered outside the
Concourse on June 16 to object
to the unfair treatment of
college students. Aggressively
outspoken, they forced fliers
into the hands of each passerby
until almost everyone on campus
carried a little white sheet of
paper emblazoned with the
slogan “I PAY, I PASS.”

They call themselves
PayPass, and their byline is
a strange one. Rather than
advocating for more scholarship
opportunities, lower interest
rates on student loans, or more
affordable tuition payments,
these students are concerned
with one thing—a passing grade.
Fed up with things like absence
limits and marking penalties
for lateness, this new advocacy
movement is growing ever more
popular among failing students,
all claiming for one reason or

: another that their circumstances
: prevent them from dedicating
: themselves to their schoolwork.

After persuading Abby,

: the leader of the pack, to stop

: screaming obscenities into

: her megaphone and take some
: time to comment, she said the
: following:

“T, like, paid to be here, so

why do I have to fail if, like, my
: prof thinks I’m late too much?

: Why do I end up with, like, a

: student loan and no diploma?”

Suggestions of better time

: Management were met with
: skepticism. “I have a social life,
: y'know.”

“You gotta fight for your

: right to party,” said Chad, a

: protester sporting a pompadour
: haircut, spray tan, pink polo

: shirt, and a popped collar. “I

: hafta work at IHOP all week,

: get an hour pump at the gym
every day, and study for SportSci
: midterms. When the hell do I

: get any time to blaze it with my
: buddies and play some Black

: Ops 3? Get real, bro.”

Upon background

: inspection by the Registrar’s

: Office, many similarities were
: found between the supporters
: of PayPass. First, seven out of
: 12 were enrolled in psychology,
: sociology, anthropology, or

: philosophy (collectively referred
: to by faculty as the “combo-

: platter” for “students with no

: career plan”). All were graded

: between F and C+ by each of

: their professors, with reasons

: varying from sub-par work to

: repeated tardiness. Finally,

: three-quarters of PayPass

: supporters were found to have
: no outstanding student debt,

: their tuition having been paid
: for by parents or relatives.

When asked if the above

: trends were causal factors in the
: group’s decision to advocate,

: Abby and Chad said it had more
: to do with their relationship.

: “Things, like, haven’t been the

: same since midterms,” said Abby,
: “I hope we get, like, more time

: together if this works out.”

 

 

Dick Pic of the Week

By Alex Stanton, Staff Writer

 

Richard “Dick” Nixon