Brent Morley, OP Contributor

n the early hours of June 24, 2005,

an act of vandalism took place in the

Douglas College Students Union
(DSU) Building. Upon entering the build-
ing on the morning of the 24th, Yasmin
Ixani, a DSU staffer, discovered destroyed
Pride and Aboriginal Collective banners,
posters, and stickers. The perpetrators
went to great lengths, scratching stickers
off student union representatives’ offices
and damaging doors. Pride Liaison Joel
Koette also had his office defaced and
computer monitor damaged.

A report has been filed with the New
Westminster Police, detailing the sup-
posed hate crime. Currently, no charges
have been laid.

One confusing aspect in this distaste-
ful tale is the suspects involved. The inner
office of the student union is restricted
and no forced entry was observed. So far,
no one has come forward to accept guilt
for the vandalism; an ominous pall hangs
over the inner sanctum of the DSU.

The Student Union—already divided
between the Building Initiative and
Working for Students parties—has devel-
oped an even deeper rift. Staffers Yasmin
and Lyndon are currently doing their best
to weather the storm, but both find them-

selves in an uncomfortable work
environment.
An unnamed but reliable source

revealed the details of the controversy.
On the evening that the temper tantrum

Hate Crime: Scandal R

News Editor Bids Adieu

 

 

went down, two opposing party members
on the Representative Committee were
seen at a local night club, Chicago’s
Tonight. According to witnesses, the two
had been arguing with each other
throughout the evening. The conftonta-

Brandon Ferguson, Soon-to-be-ex News Editor

 

ews Editor Brandon Ferguson
is leaving the section he helped
revolutionize through his ambi-

tious plan of “utter forgery and vulgar
plagiarism.”

4 | www.theotherpress.ca

“The time has come for me to move
on and pursue bigger dreams and more
profane metaphors,” he said, stroking his
chin fuzz as if it were an erogenous zone
after another failed date.

“Tm tired, worn out, and probably just
need to grow the fuck up.”

During his one-year stint as news edi-
tor, Ferguson overcame addiction,
lethargy, repeated academic failure, and a
perpetual problem with body odour.

“IT couldn’t have done it without the
support and love of my family, friends,
and classmates,’ he reflected. “And
Mitchum’s deodorant sticks. That shit is
po-tent.”

Although his section lacked focus at
times, and was finished on-time as often
as Colin Moorhouse’s classes, Ferguson
looked back fondly on his time at the edi-

tion occurred as the Working for Students
party member attempted to leave and
found his way blocked by the Building
Initiative party member. After some push-
ing and shoving, the Working for Students
party member reacted and forcefully

torial helm.

“This has seriously been the time of
my life,” he gushed. “I would’ve been mis-
erable without this outlet.”

Before leaving this outlet in favour of
more opinionated climates, he felt the
need to offer his thanks to a few people.

“I can’t thank [managing editor]
Amanda [Aikman] enough for her lenien-
cy in both deadlines and standards, and
I’ve delayed countless drinks for [graphics
babe] Angela [Blattmann], who only
repaid me with dazzling graphics and
superb pics of David Suzuki laughing
maniacally. Brad Barber was always willing
to answer my questions and always made
time for me, even during the BCGEU
strike. Plus the contributors were awe-
some: Millie Strom,
Paterson...uh...that stoner

Travis
the

from

 

removed his opposition from his path.

Later that evening, at approximately
2:30 am, the alarm in the DSU building
was tripped, as confirmed by Terry
Leonard, Campus Facilities Manager.
Inside the DSU building, three student
reps—all members of the Building
Initiative party—were discovered by secu-
rity. The reps explained that they had
simply forgotten to inform security of
their intention to access the building. The
destroyed material was discovered the
next morning.

Both Building Initiative and Working
for Students party members were unavail-
able for comment.

Under section 319(1) of the Canadian
Criminal Code, a hate crime is defined as
the following: “Every person who, by
communicating statements in any public
place, incites hatred against any identifi-
able group where such incitement is likely
to lead to a breach of the peace is guilty of
an indictable offence and is liable to
imprisonment for a term not exceeding
two years ; of

An offence punishable by summary
conviction.”

One can only speculate as to what real-
ly happened that night. The perpetrator(s)
of the crime is/are still at large, has/have
yet to atone for their actions, and
remain(s) highly childish.

”

Coquitlam campus....

“But most importantly, I’ve got to give
a lot of love to the readers,’ he said,
downing three shots of Jaggermeister in
honour of each of them. “Just knowing
that there are people out there who take
the time to read me—and everyone at the
OP—it’s been the greatest thrill to write
for you, and [ll never be able to pay you
back.”

Asked what’s next for this titan of
timid, he responded, “Well fuck, guy; I’ve
just interviewed myself, so Pll probably go
home and masturbate in the mirror before
finding an industrial-sized pin to pop my
ego with. Sheesh!”

Rock on, you patron saint of putrid.
And don’t let the door hit your ass on the
way out.

August 10/2005