October 2, 2002

Op-Ed

 

the other press

Back to School—the Right Choice?

Tamara Billau
OP Contributor

I have spent the majority of my life waiting.
Waiting for the right man, right job and right
diet (not necessarily in that order) to come
along and rescue me from my slump. At thir-
ty-one years of age I am still waiting for all
three.

Any risks I have taken up to this point have
ended badly, very badly. At 18, I fell for the
wrong man and spent the next seven years
attempting to force a commitment on the
poor guy. At 19, I stayed in Ontario when my
parents moved so I could go to university
with my friends. I ended up dropping out
and spending entirely too much time at the
pub. At 25, I followed my parents to BC ina
futile attempt to rectify my earlier poor deci-
sion. I ended up spending three years, seven
months and two weeks working nights in a
poultry plant. Occasionally, I still wake up
screaming from nightmares of being chased
by chickens.

At 28, I finally left the glamorous world of
poultry processing and took a job peddling
videos to the disgruntled public. I spent
another three years there, hating every
moment and dreaming of something better.
Nothing happened, so I decided to finally
stop waiting and do something to change my
life. It took a long time, but I realized that no
one was going to do it for me.

Perhaps because of my dismal history with
taking chances, I am not a risk taker by
nature. Deciding to go back to school was a
monumental decision. I have questioned my
sanity on several occasions since doing this
crazy thing. I mean, what was I thinking? At
least I had a job. Many people were happier
with much less. But I just wasn’t. I had no
choice but to take another gamble or spend
my life in regret.

My first step was determining what to take.
I had finished my degree through distance
education but I needed something practical
that would lead to a decent job. I applied to
two different college programs and was actu-
ally accepted into both.

My first day of college was the scariest day
of my life. Way scarier than the chickens. I
was tempted to just walk out. I didn’t feel I

belonged there at all. It was like I was in dis-
guise, pretending to be a student.

I looked around the room at so many

bright, eager faces and couldn't believe that I
would be spending the next two years with
these strangers. Would I fit in or would I be
the class outcast? Was I really ready for this or
was this going to be another disaster? What if
I couldn't keep up? Everyone looked so calm
and collected. I would later learn that just
about everyone was terrified that day.
Going back to school has not been easy. For
one thing, college instructors actually expect
you to show up for class—quite a new con-
cept compared to university.

Also, my program is way more challenging
than I could have imagined. The social life
and free time I took for granted as a working
drone are just fond memories now.

The biggest challenge of going back to

school has been financial. I’m embarrassed to
admit that I have spent several afternoons
rolling quarters to buy gas for my hour-long
commute to school.
As I start my second year, I wish I could
report that my future looks shiny and bright.
I wish I could brag about the opportunities
that are unfolding before me now.

Unfortunately, going back to school alone
can't change a life completely. It can provide
you with valuable new skills and it may even
lead to some desperately needed confidence-
building, but it’s really just the beginning.

Sometimes I still wonder if I made the right
decision by going back to school. These
doubts occur mostly when I’m overwhelmed
with work or frustrated with an insane assign-
ment or instructor. Most of the time I think I
finally made a good choice. I picture myself
back at the video store or the chicken plant
and I can’t believe that poor, miserable crea-
ture was little old me.

Next year, when my program is finally over,
I may end up exactly where I started. I don’t
like to think that, but it’s possible. There are
no guarantees in life. If that happens, will it
be worth it? Absolutely. I took control of my
life and I’m proud of that. At the very least, I
have hope. How many people can say that?

 

Cramped closet space?

The Students’ Union’s Pride Collective has some
wonderful solutions. The Pride Collective meets
Wednesdays at 4:00 in the Pride Resource Room
(Room 110 in the Students’ Union Buiding). All
lesbian, gay, bi, transgendered, allied and
questioning students are welcome.

Douglas Students’ Union
Canadian Federation of Students Local 18

 

 

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