humour / 22

Solo Cup of lukewarm tap water declared

theotherpress.ca

most powerful sanitizing agent in the world

» ‘Eliminates 99.9 per cent of germs and bacteria; say party goers

Jacey Gibb

The Peak (NUW)
[° a move that could very well

change the way in which

humans deal with sanitation
and sterilization, attendees
of a Tight and Bright party
last week have discovered the
most efficient, fast-acting way
of killing nearly every trace of
bacteria on a surface: a red Solo
Cup filled with lukewarm water
from the tap.

“We were setting up cups
for a game of beer pong when
someone asked for an extra
one,” Tiffany Marsh said,
recounting the extraordinary
events leading up to the
discovery. “He said he wanted
to use a rinse cup for the ball,
since the table was pretty
gnarly from the game before
us. Also, I think someone had
puked on it earlier.”

Once the game was
officially underway, the
pingpong ball repeatedly
bounced off the table onto the
beer-crusted floor underneath,
and even into a nearby fern

: plant. Marsh was sure the ball
: would never be fit to be sunk
: into cups of beer again.

“Each time one of us

missed the table, I thought to
: myself, ‘That’s it. That ball is
: done for.

m9

However, just when all

: hope was lost and several party :
: attendees had written the ball
: off as a dirt-covered germ orgy,
: the mysterious newcomer

: dropped it into the Solo Cup,

: dunked it a few times, and

: then haphazardly wiped the

: ball off on his shirt. Though no :
: actual test was conducted to

: see how effective or thorough

: the ball had been cleaned,

: attendees agreed that the Solo
: Cup had rid it of all previous

: contaminants.

“Now I know how Thomas

Edison must have felt after
: inventing the lightbulb,”

: Marsh said, though likely

: downplaying the moment's
: importance.

While the discovery’s

: scope is limited at this

: time, it’s possible that Solo
: Cups of water will have a
dramatic impact on the way

0000066

 

Each time one of us
missed the table, I
thought to myself,
‘That's it. That ball is
done for.”

: hospitals sterilize tools and

: environments; the food

: hospitality industry is also

: speculated to undergo changes
: in how sanitation standards

: are upheld. Even the recent

: Ebola epidemic—the largest

: in history—could become a

: testing ground for the new

: disinfecting method.

“It’s unclear at this time

: what effect this new super-

: sanitizing agent might have in
: the current outbreak,” said Tim
: Riggins, spokesperson for the
: World Health Organization,

: “but one thing is for certain:

: whoever’s bright idea it was

: to use a cup full of water

: to supposedly clean off a

: pingpong ball while playing

: a drinking game, deserves a

: medal. Reeeeeally good job on
: that one.”

 

By Lily Li
(The Peak)

 

Stella loved how the new bike lanes downtown gave her a
non-online way to annoy and inconvenience total strangers.

 

SE