Festival attendees frantic to douse flames » Younger demographic taking responsibility for our forests Chandler Walter Humour Editor, 4 humour@theotherpress.ca weather creating massive forest fires throughout BC, one group has risen above the rest in the effort to keep our forests safe. Festival-going youth have, surprisingly, taken it upon themselves to spearhead the efforts in conserving BC’s beautiful forests, and douse the flames threatening our homes, music festivals. “It’s just a real tragedy,” said Eric Wells, a student of 19. “These seems to care. People toss their cigarettes around carelessly; it’s as if they don’t know about the : real damage it can do. I almost : missed PembyFest because of all : this. If I didn’t get to see Kendrick : Lamar, my summer would have ith the recent arrival of dry been as ruined as those hundreds : of acres of forest, so we gotta do : something to stop this.” : affected by the fires, and most are : working round the clock to ensure : : that their favourite festivals will go uninterrupted this summer. : thousand up in Squamish, : assisting the fire department,’ : ; : Wells explained. “There are our air, and, most importantly, our : , > also almost 100 of us in the : campgrounds, 24/7 rain dancing.” : for the festival attendees is the fires are out of control, and noone : : fire ban caused by the dry forests. “Otherwise the ban will be on Many music lovers have been “Yeah, we've got a few Evidently the leading concern “We need it to rain,” Wells said. : and we can't smoke cigarettes or : joints during the festival. And if : you can't do that, what’s even the point, you know?” “J just can’t believe the : damage all this fire stuff can : cause,” Courtney Lure, 22, tellsus. : “It’s like, it totally kills the vibe, : with all the smoke and whatever. We can‘ have that, it makes for : bad trips.” Upon further investigation, : it was made clear that Ms. Lure : was not referring to “road trips,” : or road conditions. “I have $600 : invested in this summer’s festivals, : : losing that would probably be : : the biggest buzzkill of the whole summer,’ she complained. It’s also terrible for the wildlife,” Jon Mills explained to : us, after taking a short break from: : his hacky sack circle. “I mean, the : fires just ravage everything in their : : way, and I know of a few great : grow-opsall over BC. It would be : a pity if those burned with all the : other worthless trees or whatever.” When asked about concern for the fires raging in northern : BC, or any plans to help those : firefighters in their struggle, Mills : was dumbfounded. “There are no : festivals up there this summer, : why does it matter?” Advertisement More like Jason TruDON’T Explicit political truths revealed Chandler Walter, Humour Editor What is important to you, average Canadian voter? Whatever that is, Jason Trudoe hates it and wants it destroyed. Do you care about the well-being of wholesome Canadian families? Jason Trudoe wants to tax them into the ground. Perhaps you worry about the safety of our beautiful country? Jason Trudoe isn’t at all, he’s anti-safety. Maybe you hope for the financial security of a thriving economy? Apparently that isn’t in Jason Trudoe’s plans for Canada either, as he is quoted saying “... and the budget will balance itself.” Who’s he kidding?! 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Vote for us, the Sarcastative Party of Canada, because personal aspects of the other party’s Like, have you seen Jason Trudoe’s hair? leader are somewhat controversial. Who’s he kidding?! There’s even a video of him taking off his shirt; isn’t this man just an animal? | wouldn’t want him running our country. | mean, just look at that hair. Have you seen his hair? No, seriously, your political decisions—ones that will determine the fate of this country—should rest on a man’s haircut. Just ask a few of these well-informed, culturally diverse citizens: Or so we like to think. “l'm not saying never, just not right now.” —a middle-aged woman/mother This ad was created and paid for by the Sarcastative Political Party of Canada and in no way represents the beliefs of this “He's just not ready” newspaper. —a wise-looking, elderly white man