OPINIONS Aimee Ouellette opinions @theotherpress.ca Student politics is a joke Aimee Ouellette opinions editor W hen J.J. asked me to write an opinions column on the Douglas College elections as part of the Other Press’s comprehensive elections coverage, | have to admit that I was mildly horrified. I’ve always purposefully avoided student government; I hate committees, I dislike unnecessary group work, and I have a general disdain for networking. I think the very heart of my hatred for student government, however, is the incredible lack of perspective it involves. In real world politics, the stakes are high enough, and the rewards are great enough, that being a pandering, simpering, douchebag politician is totally worth it. Sure, your job is more about vote-getting than leading, and it’s likely that you spend more of your day massaging egos than getting stuff done, but hey! You probably have a nice car and when you say stuff it gets talked about on the news. Likewise, voters in real world elections tolerate politicians and politics not because they are naturally inclined to, but because they care about what happens to the country. I haven’t been of voting age for too many elections, but I’ve voted in every one I’ve ever been eligible for. I hold my nose and stay informed on the issues that matter to me, because even though it’s super-depressing, it’s worth it. In student “7 don’t even want to go government, 9 however, none 0 College, and I don’t of this is true care, and as president, I for voters. ’ ae bee Realistically, 0” t do anything! there just aren’t any high stakes: Douglas _ students, and Canadian students in general, have it great. We live in a country with free healthcare, we have access to scholarships and bursaries, and we can go to pride groups, prayer rooms, and women’s centres on our campuses. Sure, everyone has their pet issues, but there simply aren’t any life-or-death, headline- news-worthy issues going on in student politics right now. This is problematic for a student around election time. If there aren’t any issues that matter to me, then why should I vote? Why should I take time out of my busy day to familiarize myself with the candidates, to learn the “issues,” and to make an informed decision about something that is ultimately totally inconsequential? I am reminded of the character of Tammy Metzler in the comedic masterpiece Election, who decided to run for student government out of pure spite. In her campaign speech at her high school’s assembly, she says, “The same pathetic charade happens every year, and everyone makes the same pathetic promises just so they can put it on their transcripts to get into college. So vote for me, because I don’t even want to go to college, and I don’t care, and as president, I won’t do anything!” The entire high school assembly then erupts into cheers, not because they like Tammy (she’s definitely not one of the cool kids), but because they are so happy to finally hear someone with some perspective. In order to avoid becoming some kind of Tammy Metzler pseudo- anarchist figure, I will admit that there are some great things about student elections: occasionally, people who want to get elected will give you free food and one-inch buttons. Granted, the one- inch buttons are always from CFS, so they say stuff like “10 dollars now” and “pro-choice.” This means that if you’re a conservative you’re going to have to continue to find your “pro-child labour” and “institute compulsory pregnancy” buttons from the Internet. Luckily, free popcorn is yummy no matter your politics. While you’re chewing on your popcorn, however, student politicians are likely to try to talk you into voting for them; and this is going to be really boring—perhaps even so boring as to make your popcorn less enjoyable. This is a sad, unavoidable reality for people who enjoy free popcorn. Maybe there should be an awareness campaign about this? On that note, I realize it will be seen as a huge cop-out to write an opinions column on student government and then abstain from endorsing a candidate, so here’s my endorsement: Vote for Alysia MacGrotty, because one time I was doing homework in the foyer and she gave me a lollipop and a one-inch button (true story). There, happy now? If I were you, though, I would promise to vote on one condition: more free popcorn. Jay Schreiber ist Year Music “Absolutely! I’m sad Romney pulled out. Obama is my boy, I’m a big fan. Hilary has made too many enemies to be elected.” Marche Riley ist Year General Studies “Yes, it’s an interesting contest, there hasn’t been a primary contest like this in decades. Obama has potential to become the Reagan for the Democrats.” ’ WORD ON THE STREET By Shannon McKay, Staff Photographer “Are you following the American elections?” Nahannee Gillett 2nd Year Associate of Arts “No, I don’t have time to be reading everything about the election. It’s not that interesting to me, and I don’t concern myself with the presidents because they tend to upset me.”