Don t ‘at’ me: You're not kinky,

you re just an asshole

» The difference between and Dom and a prick explained

Keeghan Rouleau
The Link (CUP)

 

[: fantastic that the fluidity and range
of sexual pleasure is constantly being
expanded upon in our generation but, for
fuck’s sake, stop abusing people under the
guise of “kink.”

We all know, by now, different
people get off to different things, and
more and more of these acts are being
normalized through online discussion
and personal openness. This comes with a
risk though: making kink a normal aspect
of everyday sexuality normalizes it. It
doesn't just normalize kink for those who
use whips, chains, cuffs, names, roles, and
whatever else excites them for pleasure
and exploration of their own and their
partner’s sexuality. It also normalizes the
idea of kink for those who use the power of
dominance for their own gain alone. What
makes kink so beautiful and powerful is
the careful dance between two partners, it
doesn't work unless everyone involved is,
well, involved.

Abusers are out there, unfortunately.
With kink culture becoming more
apparent in our generation, there’s bound
to be times that these kinds of people try
to pass off their own self-centered desires
as “kinky.” In a growing subculture, abuse
and absolute trust can be strangely hard to
differentiate.

One of the most common kinky
practices is to have a dominant and a
submissive partner in the bedroom or
relationship, known colloquially as dom/
sub. The way this usually works, of course
there being a million exceptions and
variations, is during sexual play the dom
takes the lead by telling, moving, and

influencing the sub, while the sub enjoys
being “helpless” and under the control of
the dom.

Notice the quotation marks around
“helpless.” This, like all kinky scenes and
playing, are between the sexual partners
involved. Any power one may hold over
another is agreed upon and mostly an
illusion, for the pleasure of everybody
involved. One of the best examples I’ve
found is ina book entitled The Loving
Dominant by John Warren.

The scene described is one in
which the submissive is tied down
toa bed, with the dominant
dripping hot wax froma
burning candle onto her skin.
The important observation
in this scene is when the
submissive would wince at the
burning wax, the dominant
would move his hand higher
and let the wax fall further,
cooling it down.

It was as if the submissive
was controlling the dom’s hand
with her reactions. Although it
may appear that she’s powerless,
tied to a bed and unable to move,
she’s actually in just as much control as
the dominant. She can ask for more or
less, or to stop altogether at any time.

This, of course, is only true when the
kinky play is between two consenting and
communicating partners.

Here are some quick questions to
ask yourself to determine if you're really
a dominant, sexually mature individual,
or a prick with a power complex. Do you
want to be dominant because that trust
from a submissive is a wonderful feeling of
intimacy, like no other you've ever known?

a

Congrats, you sound like a respectful and
caring kinkster.

Do you get frustrated, even angry,
when you can’t control every desire and
action of your partner? Watch out buddy,
you might be an asshole. Do you think of
yourself as vulnerable in your dominance,
understanding the great deal of trust
that you're placing in your submissive by
expressing yourself this way with them?
That’s great! It seems to me like you take

   
  
  
 
  
  
   
 
  
   

 

your relationship with your sub seriously,
they’re lucky to have you.

Do you practice new kinks such as
spanking, choking, spitting, degrading,
biting, etc. without first ensuring these are
things your sub enjoys and wants in the
moment? Then you’e not a dominant,
not kinky, not sexy, you're just an asshole.
You are not entitled to any more pleasure
than your partner(s) are comfortable
helping you feel.

The annoying tradition of gift giving

» Why the obligation?

Craig Allan
Staff Writer

 

|

t’s that time of year again. The holiday

season where we eat copious amounts of

food, enjoy or maybe endure the endless
versions of ‘Let it Snow’, and engage in
some of the North American society’s

 

longest running traditions. But there is one
tradition that is getting more annoying year
after year: gift giving.

To be clear, | am not against giving
gifts to the people I care about—] love
doing it. I love analysing and researching
my loved ones’ tastes and needs and
finding unique and creative gifts for
them—that is quite fun. However, as the
years have gone on, it has gotten
harder for me to find new and
innovative gift ideas for my family.

For example, my brother is
now ina position where he makes
more money than I do. Anything he
wants he can just buy for himself,
so it makes it difficult to get him
something that he will use or like
when if he wants something he can
just buy it for himself. Worse, his
birthday is on Christmas Eve, so after
struggling to try and come up with
a good gift for his birthday, I have to
double down to find him a good gift
for Christmas.

Christmas is not the only time
where | have trouble finding a great
gift. For instance, my mother’s

Photo by Billy Bui

birthday is in April. She is especially
difficult to shop for because every time I
ask her what she would like, she gives the
same answer: “peace and quiet.” There are
times where I pull out a Herculean effort
and really find a great gift, but then I have
to reset again because three weeks later,
here comes Mother's Day.

When it comes to good gifts, my dad
used to be the easiest one. He likes sports
books, breakfast, and a lot of other things.
Recently, it has even gotten harder to shop
for him as last year he told me he does not
want any more books or clothes, which
eliminates a large majority of the gifts I can
give him. I can’t just keep giving him coffee
and gift cards because that can get old,
and let’s face it, gift cards are the laziest
gift. | know they are convenient, and the
recipient can use them a lot more than
then can a physical item, but I find they
lack a level of thoughtfulness. I want to give
a gift to my dad and to my other loved ones
that’s a real surprise—not a gift that merely
musters an “oh thanks” and is forgotten.
But the pressure of gift-giving during
holidays and birthdays usually leaves
people with this last option

Usually I pull through (at least I
think I do) but with the fact that my
parents really don’t need any more stuff,
my brother being able to buy much cooler
things than I can ever afford, and the fact
that I will be going to university full-time
for the next three years, it is going to be
hell trying to not look like I am half-assing
the gifts I am giving. I wish I could just
give gifts to the people I love when I find
something that is great for them, not fora
holiday or birthday simply because it’s an
obligation.

Right now, there is a shirt at the store
I work at that has the Grinch on it that
says “Original Grinch” that I think would
be great for my brother. Instead of waiting
until Christmas, where he will get it and
have to put it away in a closet until next
year, I’m going to buy it and give it to him
as soon as I can so he can wear it during
the holiday season. Christmas gifts and
birthday gifts are nice, but if it is true that
it’s the thought that counts, then let’s pull
off the veil off the holidays and just give the
gifts to the people we love when we find the
best gift. No matter what day of the year it
is.