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Kri S King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
. Available on DVD
Watrich
“what the hell?”
The late 1970s were gentler, kinder years. Older
cousins of mine had to walk to school uphill both
\ ways through the blinding snow dressed in only a
— potato sack and a pair of gumboots. Allowances
would be earned doing basic slave labour for cruel
harpies who offered only penny candy and coins for a hard day’s work. Cars were painted
real colours like hemi-orange or plum crazy. But, a quarter went a long way in those days. A
long way towards fun!
In 1982, a little company known as Nintendo developed a little game called Donki
Kongu in Japan and Donkey Kong in the lower 48 states. The basic premise of the game
is Jumpman (the man who would grow up to be Super Mario), who would move in two
dimensions across a series of platforms to rescue Pauline, Mario’s previous sperm bank
before Princess Peach. Mario’s nemesis, Donkey Kong, would throw barrels that Jumpman
would have to dodge in order to reach the top of the platform, thus rescuing Pauline and
getting to wet his Italian whistle. Ironically, from this first epic battle between good vs. evil,
both Donkey Kong and Mario went on to become Nintendo’s most beloved characters.
Originally, these stand-up arcade games would cost a single quarter to play, unlike the
“Buck Hunters” of today which can eat up to 12 dollars for a single round. Teenagers from
across the tracks would line up at Laundromats and arcade parlours to spend their hard-
earned quarters trying to get the “high score” on these platforms. Billy Mitchell and Steve
Wiebe were two of these young men.
Billy Mitchell is the prodigal son of Twin Galaxies, an organization that records and
tabulates high scores. His greatest achievements include high scores posted for both Donkey
Kong and Centipede in the 1980s. Mitchell is also the self-proclaimed “Sauce King,” and

 

his family is “famous” for a line of hot
sauces available in Florida. Wiebe is
an even better role model for today’s
youth. Recently laid off from the Boeing
Corporation, he fills his time as a stay at
home dad. When the kids are asleep, he
relentlessly attacks high scores on his own
personal Donkey Kong machine in his
garage. Perhaps he should be relentlessly
attacking a resume or monster.com instead.
King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
is a documentary that follows these two
uber-cool guys on their individual quests
to get the high score on a game that was
made in 1982 and could theoretically
be played by a chimpanzee or perhaps a
Mensa-level elephant. Both Wiebe and
Mitchell initially have a legitimate claim to
high score. Mitchell draws upon his years
of knowledge and past glories to rack up

points, whereas Wiebe uses a mathematical |)

formula designed to beat the algorithm of

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the game. Nothing gets the ladies hot and wet like a mathematical formula.
In the end, King of Kong made its way into my heart and into many critics’ top ten
lists for documentaries of 2008. So really, which is sadder: wasting your time playing video

games or watching a film about people wasting their time playing video games?

 

POP CULTURE PURCHASES

 

2 FS
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Castle Crashers
Xbox 360

Hail Destroyer
Cancer Bats

All things considered, I like bands that

yell a lot. Billy Talent? They’re awesome.
Rise Against? Already got my tickets.
Alexisonfire? They’re okay too. Apparently
Cancer Bats are also big fans of those acts,
because the lead singers of all of those bands
go guest vocals on their second album, Hail
Destroyer. Unfortunately, this doesn’t so
much help the album as it does highlight
Cancer Bats’ shortcomings. Namely, they
have nothing worthwhile to yell about, and
they try to compensate for it by yelling
louder. Cancer Bats deserve points for effort,
but they really come off looking like a group
of fans who liked Alexisonfire so much

that they decided to become really creepy
stalkers of them. This album had some of
the most ridiculously word salad lyrics you
will ever read in your life, even by metal

Castle Crashers is a fun little game
available for download purchase from the
Xbox Live Arcade. It’s a real throwback

to side-scrolling beat ‘em ups like Battle
Toads, Double Dragon, or any Ninja Turtles
game. Up to four players can play together
as vertically challenged knights who storm
through fairly generic levels (a grass level,
a desert level, a snow level, etc.) to save

an endless supply of kidnapped princesses.
There are some rudimentary RPG elements
too, allowing you to build up your
character’s statistics, but those are probably
the least fun aspect of the gameplay. Things
do get a little repetitive after a while, but
challenging boss fights and the odd gimmick
level do well to break up the monotony. The
main strength of this game is the charming
aesthetics at play, which are childlike, but

standards. I’m amazed that Tim Mcllrath of also clever and engaging.
Rise Against can make it through the song
“Harem of Scorpions” without bursting out —Liaqm Britten

laughing. Hell, 1 can’t even type “Harem of
Scorpions” with a straight face.

—Mark Fisher

 

Sex and The City DVD
HBO

This past Tuesday the Sex and the City
movie hit movie store shelves. The movie
picks up a few years later than where the
television show left off and is equally as
entertaining; in fact it’s like watching five
or six episodes in a row (just enough to
make any guy’s guy cringe). All the main
ladies resume their roles with vigor, (Sarah
Jessica Parker, Kim Cattral, Kristin Davis
and Cynthia Nixon) incorporating to-die-for
shoes, purses and dresses—not to mention
a lot of drama. The movie is light and

fun, although maybe more appropriate for
watching at home as it runs a little long for
my taste at 145 minutes. So, for those of
you who have not seen it or just want to see
it again, it is now within your grasp...make
some cosmos and hunker down!

—Chloé Bach

  

Snuff
Chuck Palahniuk

The newest Chuck Palahniuk novel is
something we’ ve all been waiting for. A
book about record-breaking pornographic
sex acts. That’s right. The story line follows
four people’s journeys as they contribute

to helping porn starlet Cassie Wright break
the record for most consecutive sex acts

on camera, 600 sex acts to be exact. Tres
realistic. The story unfolds as it explores the
differences in the men partaking in the event
and even divulges some very interesting
facts about the industry through the eyes of
Mr. 72, 137, 600 as well as Ms. Wright’s
assistant, Sheila. As I said before, there are
parts that seemed somewhat unrealistic to
me; the ending in particular, but I won’t
spoil that for you, because overall, it was

a great read that you should pick up. The
writing style is easy to follow and well done,
not to mention it’s ridiculously entertaining.

—Chloé Bach

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