WAR OF WORDS

:
ICN

They’re the two biggest franchises in space opera; both have spawned countless spin-offs, huge merchandising deals,
TTT LE OTRO) In CCL RYR OCT TA A CCL YO TOA COA CDEC ONY POL LL AK AT YO)

 

Star Trek is way cooler than your lightsaber could ever be!

By Wendy A. Case

F the epic battle between Star Trek and Star Wars, there’s really no question as to which
dynasty is greater: Star Trek has spawned numerous movies, comics, merchandise and a fan
base of Trekkies that seems destined to last another couple centuries. This, of course, is in
addition to the numerous television series that Star Trek, as we know it, is composed of. So,
what makes Star Trek so great you ask?

Well, for starters what’s not to love about a television show with a holodeck? You can
program anything you want into it! That includes everything from your wildest, raunchiest
fantasies to the more sedentary fantasy vacations. Besides that, your doctor’s a hologram
too! This means that he has access to all the information collected across all time. It also
means that you don’t have to put up with all of that humanoid crap like PMS or crankiness.
Your doctor is always in a good mood.

And seriously, how could C-3PO or R2-D2 beat out Data? I mean, he’s like a humanoid
with infinite brainpower like Einstein on Red Bull. He also has a brother. How many robots
can say that? Besides, there’s just something so lovable about that android; he’s just so much
easier to identify with than the paranoid android himself, C-3PO. And R2-D2 can’t even talk!

There’s also that whole limitless species thing. I can’t even count them anymore. My
favourite are the Vulcans, who can’t understand basic emotions and can only understand
pure logic and reason. Why? Sometimes you just have to get away from all of the emotion
stuff that’s getting you down. Oh, and there’s always the Vulcan mind meld. I personally
will never forget Spock talking to the humpback whale in the fourth movie. Need another
reason? I have one word for you: Borg. The Borg is like the greatest species ever. They come
in and suddenly you have been absorbed into The Collective! (This is one of those epic duh
duh duh moments!) That whole collective consciousness thing? I mean, I know that I’d love
to know what the people I know were thinking! Individual, Schmindividual! I don’t need to
have my own personality; personality cults are where it’s at!

Still not convinced? Need I go any further than the teleporter and phasers? Seriously,
wouldn’t you love to be able to go anywhere in like, 2.5 seconds? It’s like every student’s
dream. As for the phasers, they totally beat out lightsabers. There is something so much more
satisfying about shooting than slicing. I mean, what would you rather have: a glorified sword
or a nice satisfying pistol-esque weapon that makes a pee-ow sound?

And if all that’s not enough...there’s always Spock: “Live long and prosper.”

The Force is with George LUCA@S 3:0: 5.x:

Wren I was a wee lad, my family had two complete sets of VHS tapes: the Star Wars
Trilogy, and the six Star Trek movies. Today, those Star Wars tapes have been watched

and re-watched so many times that the picture is full of tracking lines and the audio is so
scratchy you can barely hear it. And the Star Trek tapes? I think they’re propping up a table
somewhere.

The Star Wars saga is quite simply the best series of movies ever made. It was a
unique phenomenon in motion picture history not only for the filmmaking technology and
techniques introduced, but for the legacy it has left Western filmmaking. Star Wars laid the
groundwork for the modern action film in the storytelling power of Lucas’ mind. Have you
ever watched an action movie made prior to Star Wars? The pacing of these movies would
put you to sleep if you’ve been raised in the post-Star Wars era of dynamic editing, high-
octane special effects and epic soundtracks.

But Star Trek has action too, right? Like...that time they...uh...Hmm. I guess there
wasn’t ever really any action in Star Trek. Any time they wanted to do anything they weren’t
allowed to because of their “prime directive,” which is basically just some hippie bullshit
that means they can’t do anything cool. In fact, the only action in Star Trek was the action
Captain Kirk got from all those green bitches he fucked. In all likelihood, Kirk probably has
space herpes by this point.

Star Wars, at its heart, is an homage film. It’s homage to the first 50 years of film. It’s
homage to the westerns, samurai epics, World War II dramas, Flash Gordon-style sci-fi
serials, and even to the screwball comedies of the Marx Brothers, and to his credit, Lucas
stays true to these roots throughout the six pictures of Star Wars. His aesthetics aren’t a
vision of the future, but a vision of the future from 50 years ago. No slick, high-tech robots
or spaceships here; in Lucas’ world, things are always broken down or jury-rigged, and

because the fantastic technology featured is all based on real-world technology both in look
and sound (fun fact: the X-wing fighters’ sound comes from recordings of passing artillery
shells) it all seems a little more real, a little more organic.

Even specific scenes in the saga are based off of Hollywood classics and given a sci-
fi twist. The trench run at the end of A New Hope? That’s homage to The Dambusters and
The Battle of Britain. The podracers in Phantom Menace? It’s Ben-Hur in space. Lucas
masterfully based his cinematic vision off of the great films of the silver screen, making his
own film seem so much more accessible than some far-out sci-fi. Yes, his saga is really the
same old story we’ve seen a million times before, but the way he presents his vision was so
tight and fresh that it changed cinema forever.

But what is the significance of Star Trek? Not even a Trekkie will argue for the artistic
merits of that tired old franchise, so instead, they say the importance of Star Trek is the
lessons it taught us. But really, what lessons? The lesson that racism is bad? Of course! What
an ingenious discovery! The lesson that Cold War adversaries can one day get along? Fun
fact: the “Russian” in Star Trek was just putting on a fake accent. And of course Star Trek
taught us the lesson that women should only be allowed to work in miniskirts... Well, I can’t
argue with that.

My Star Wars tapes are pretty much done for, so I had to upgrade to DVDs to enjoy
the saga these days. The Star Trek tapes are in pretty good condition, though—a testament
to how often they get watched. Star Wars is without a doubt the greatest movie series ever

‘made, and Star Trek will always remain the love of a select few virgins and basement

dwellers.
Oh, and by the way, Star Wars had Samuel L. Jackson. End of debate, chumps!

 

10