Why | Support Celebrity Justice

Darren Paterson, Sports Editor

have decided to print John Mullin’s
| article in the Other Press because I

believe that his is a stance that
deserves to be considered, yet it is also a
stance that I highly oppose and I there-
fore wrote this short reply to his
arguments.

Firstly, I would like to say that in Dany
Heatley’s case, he deserved a light sen-
tence and I believe that anybody in his
situation would have warranted the same
sentence, be they celebrity or not. He was
sorrowful for the loss of his friend, he
had learned from his mistake, he had
been pardoned by Dan Snydet’s family,
and, most importantly, he had nothing to
learn from going to jail.

Secondly, I believe that celebrity crim-
inals, after they have atoned for their
misdeeds, have much more to contribute
back to society outside of a jail cell. If
Dany Heatley were to be locked up in a
jail cell then we would not be able to use
his celebrity status in a positive way. But,

Vancouver Gi

Travis Patersony

  

e, the people of Greater
\ \ ) Vancouver, have heard this —
before: “a lack of secondary —

scoring.”

It’s the cynical cry of emotionally
invested fans who are seared. Scared,
because we know the routine: the playoffs
are near, the competition is intense, and
we want so badly for our team to take us
on the journey to the promised land, that
we resist the bandwagon urges in an
attempt to spare ourselves from the
agony of defeat. Alas, for the true fans it
is a meagre attempt, and when the first
playoff win occurs, thousands of fans
attach themselves, like seals feeding on a
school of oolichans, to the idea of a suc-
cessful run.

When will it be our turn? When will
the young men and women cram the side-
walks and lanes of Renfrew Street,
parading topless in a euphoric state
because our hockey team has made it

March 9/2005

because he received such a light sentence,
he is now able to protect a future genera-
tion from making the same mistakes as
he did.

Thirdly, many crimes committed by
sports celebrities occur in the realm of
the sport and should therefore be
resolved in that realm. In the cases of
Marty McSorley and Todd Bertuzzi, and
in similar cases, the athletes were in the
territory of their sport and the safety of
those athletes is the responsibility of
their league, as well as themselves. Just as
military crimes are dealt with by the mili-
tary police, I believe sporting crimes
should be dealt with “in house.”

Obviously, the O.]. thing is an excep-
tion to my point (though his was less a
case of celebrity justice and more a case
of the greatest legal performance in his-
tory) but, overall, I find celebrity justice
to be rare. I also find that it is, when it

occurs, well deserved.

  
    

ugh to the second, third, or fourth
round of the playoff season?

They say the Giants have high-pow-
ered scoring, but little depth. They say
their goaltending is topnotch but lacks
detensive support. They say their energy
is inconsistent, bouncing from a four-
goal victory one night to a 3-0 loss the
next.

Missing their captain, Mark Fistric, is a
valid excuse, and surely Fistric would
have helped minimize the Giants’ goals-
against total, turning close losses into
wins. But nevertheless, the Giants are
going to the playoffs.

In a less-than-exciting fashion, the
third-place Giants clinched their playoff
berth during a loss to the Everett
Silvertips on Feb 26, as, on the same
night, the basement-dwelling Prince
George Cougars were mathematically
eliminated from a chance at third place in
the BC Division. This ensured the Giants

Continued on page 22

 

Paterson vs. Ferguson

Darren Paterson and Brandon Ferguson, Sports Dudes

 

This week's issue: Would you watch an NHL
of replacement players?

Darren says: Hell no, I wouldn't.
Everyone knows that there is one
hockey league in the world that is
better than all the rest, and everyone
knows that that hockey league is the
NHL. I feel dirty and simple even
taking the time to argue this point,
but if anyone out there thinks
replacement players would be a good
thing, then I feel that it’s my duty to
warn you and to give you a chance to
follow the right path before you buy
your express tickets to hell (aka: shit-
ty hockey that unrightfully bears the
NHL logo).

Over the past thirty years, the
NHL has boomed and cemented its
status as the world’s greatest hockey
league, and now it is the dream of
hockey players around the world to
play in it. Kids growing up in Sweden
don’t fantasize about playing the
Swedish Elite League, they imagine
themselves claiming the Stanley Cup
in the NHL just like kids in Canada.
Or kids in Russia. Or kids in Iran. Or
kids in Burma. Or kids on the moon.

My point is that the NHL is the
league where the best come to play,
and if we support an NHL filled
with undeserving players, if we sup-
port a league where even our beloved
Canucks have the make-up of
Nashville’s expansion roster, then we
will be contributing the biggest pos-
sible blow to the NHL’s death.

Even Wayne Gretzky has said
there is only one league and I agree.
The reason why the NHL is known
as the hockey league is because it is
made up of the world’s best. And no
amount of five-dollar beer will con-
vince me that Rocky Thompson is
the world’s best hockey player.

Brandon says: Hell ya. ’'m a Canucks fan,
first and foremost. If the Canucks are play-
ing, I’m watching, so ’'d watch scab hockey
because I already watch drab hockey whenev-
er the Minnesota Wild are in town.

Granted, “Todd Bertuzzi threads a pass to
Markus Naslund who dipsy doodles and
wites a wrister over the blocker of an out-
stretched Nikolai Khabibulin” is poetry, while
“Ryan Bonni flutters a pass to Steve
Dubinsky who jams the puck past a leaky
Martin Brochu”
ing,

But the NHL, the holy grail of hockey,
forces minor leaguers to sacrifice skill in the
hopes of filling in for an injured fourth-liner
as a five-minute-a-game guy who grabs and
clutches. Given the spotlight, and given their
albeit limited skill set, scab hockey would look
just like the loosey goosey days of the late
’80s—when hockey was at its greatest and
goals were actually scored.

The NHL has been watered-down crap
for years. It’s gone from the cover of Sports
Illustrated in 1994 (which proclaimed that
hockey was set to take over the North
American market at the expense of the
NBA), to the final salvo of Hunter S.
Thompson (who proclaimed, with some of
his last written words, that the death of pro-
fessional hockey in America “meant little or
nothing” to him).

In 1994, America was abuzz with profes-
sional hockey, thanks in no small part to the
most exciting/disappointing Stanley Cup
Finals ever. Then the league promptly locked
out the players. In 2004, Canada was abuzz
with professional hockey, after the miraculous
run of the Calgary Flames. Then the players
walked out on strike. Fuck these millionaire
babies for fucking up the greatest sport in the
world.

If it’s the best you crave, I’d suggest world
cricket or poker. But as my metal-shop
teacher used to say, “I'll take a third-class ride
over a first-class walk any day.”

sounds like German sweat-

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