Monique's Top 10
ways you know Summer

1s almost here

10. Women start shaving their legs.

9. Utter chaos breaks out at the gym as people
frantically try to trim that extra layer of winter
hibernation fat. The beach is raising its fleshy
head again and mocking everyone’s over-huggable
love handles.

8. Men get out, those hideous sandals from the clos-
et (you know, the ones they bought in 1988) and
wont stop wearing them until the following

October. Apparently black socks and sandals will

never stop being trendy.

7. We all start to see way more flesh than we
should, which can be a good thing. But when
Gramps, in his falling down Bermuda shorts and
hairy back, and Gramma, in her best bather, start
walking around, it can’t be all good,

6. You can start racking up major points on your
car hit-o-meter because all of a sudden there are
way more cyclists, dogs and pedestrians around. If
that’s not your thing, then you can at least pack a
water gun to liven up the ride home.

5. Pavlov's response kicks in when you smell BBQs
occurring at your neighbours’—and you know it’s
that time of year again when your hierarchy of
needs goes something like this: SUN first; beer
second, but fighting for first; and BBQ third,

Work and sleep rank around tenth.

4. Even the most athletically denied insist on trying
all outdoor sports. These include sneaking drunk
onto golf courses, becoming the world’s best
fence jumpers, and achieving the loudest belly
flop at the local pool. Other things, like
rollerblading around the seawall, and trying sand
volleyball just because the Opposing team could
have single players on it, are attempted, but

 

 

because they
require a bit of
skill, only leave
these poor
wretches sun-
burnt and out of
breath. Hence—
warm weather

breeds stupidity,

 

3. You get the
camping itch, so
you go early in
the season. You
underpack sleep-
ing gear and
freeze your ass

off, all in the

name of summer.

 

2. You think about
how great it
would be to have
a convertible and

 

you soon realize
this is not a feasi-
ble dream because you could never come up with
that kind of cold hard cash—so you spend
hoards of money on alcohol instead because,
somehow, that makes more sense.

I. Little tears stream down your face each day, as
you whimper to yourself quietly so your boss
wont hear, because you really need this full-time
summer job to pay for school next year, and you
begrudgingly say, “Would you like fries with
that?”