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What the Hell is a power chord anyway?

fi Power Chords
Kris ' Cost: Priceless
Watrich

“what the hell?”

ia dost thou hear a distant rumbling coming
over the horizon? Is it a herd of stampeding
wildebeests heading toward reptilian doom at

the edge of an African river? Is it a thousand
Valkryies rushing to carry fallen warriors to
Valhalla? Is it the Fenrus Wolf hunting Vioarr on Ragnarokk? Nay, gentle heart, yon sounds
that pleaseth thine ears be the power chords.

The majority of rock songs today are all based around the power chord, also known as
a fifth chord. In fact, rock would not exist without power chords. It also has the advantage ,
of being one of the easiest chords to learn on the electric guitar. Only requiring the use of
two fingers and three strings, this lil’ beauty has launched the careers of several notables like
Nirvana, Green Day, The Sex Pistols, Black Sabbath, The Who, The White Stripes and, God
please strike.:me down, Nickelback. Numerous, and I mean numerous bands have all used
fifths as the modus operandi for their rawk and their roll. Songs are generally constructed
from three to five power chords on the same scale and with one octave. How else could you
ingest a mountain of blow and still manage to play night after night after night? That’s right.
Power chords!

Guitarist Link Wray is cited as the biological father of the power chord. Link first
presented his little bundle of joy to the world as the center piece of his 1958 instrumental hit
“Rumble.” Link Wray and his Ray Men (no joke) were noted for their overdriven distorted
electric guitar rock. Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Page, Neil Young, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton and

 

Pete Townsend have all credited Link Wray as [~
heavily influencing their sound; not bad for a
guy who most of you have never heard of.

Every time you turn on the radio you can
hear the fruit of Link’s labours. That iconic
riff to “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” has only
four power chords; in fact most of the Nirvana
catalogue can be broken down into about 8-10
fifths.

Power chord, if Link Wray be thy father,
then Tony Iommi be thy pimp. Iommi of Black
Sabbath was one of the first musicians to rely
heavily on power chords. Iommi made the "
switch after accidently severing his middle and ~
ring fingers on his fretting hand. He constructed two prosthetic finger tips from leather and
melted plastic in his garage, restrung his guitar with lighter banjo strings, and reinvented his
style to incorporate mostly power chords. The result: Black. Fucking. Sabbath.

Next time you wake up in a trailer park, next to a sultry mistress of the night desperately
trying to gnaw your own arm off after spending the night thrusting your devil horns in the air:
at the rock show, remember the power chords, and how we are just mere mortals; but in their
presence, we can touch the divine.

  

 

POP CULTURE PURCHASES

  

Honey Kettle Chips
Kettle Foods

Chugs

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present the
newest rage in designer dogs: the

Chug. That’s right, a chug, or in more
politically correct terms, a Puhuahua.
These little dogs are half Pug and half
Chihuahua which surprisingly makes
for the cutest dog ever! Or maybe I’m
biased because I now own one. The
dogs can range in weight from about 10
pounds to 18 pounds all depending on
the weights of the pup’s parents. As far
as physical characteristics go, they are a

On the surface, Kettle Chips seem like
they would be the perfect hip alternative
to the standard potato chip. They’re
healthier, taste better, have no artificial
flavors, are more expensive (but not

by too much), and they’re all cooked

in a great big kettle instead of a deep
fryer like all the other chips out there.
But after eating a several handfuls of
these, you’ll soon discover that your
mouth tastes like you drank six or seven

  

AC/DC Tickets

The Office Season Four DVD
NBC

AC/DC tickets sold out in 30 seconds.
Totally distraught, mostly due to
paternal and brotherly family pressure
to get tickets, I thought, ““What’s a
poor boy to do?” EBay it, that’s what!
Originally, tickets would have cost
$99.50 plus service charges. However,
on eBay, low and behold, I could get
tickets unavailable on the ticketmaster
website for only a 250% mark up. NO
JOKE. One thousand dollars and I had
my hot little hands on some genuine

The fourth season of The Office just hit
stores on September 2™. This fabulous
show will continue its hit parade in
only a few short days. Thus, this is a
must have DVD for any true fan of the
show or even someone just attempting
to “get into it,” especially if you missed
parts of last year’s shocking season.
The shows are fantastic to watch again
as well; much of the awkwardness of
Season Three was washed away this

 

beers and then fell asleep under a hot
lamp. That’s right, it’s the aftertaste of a
hangover with none of the inebriation,
only this taste lingers in your mouth

for much longer. All of their chips are
guilty of this, but the Honey Dijon is

by far the worst. And then you wake up
in the morning thinking you yourself,
“Whoa, I must have gotten really
wasted last night and forgot about it.”
But it was just the chips man, it was just
the chips.

—WMark Fisher

real split between Pugs and Chihuahuas.

Of course it depends on whether the
Pug is black or the Chihuahua, but most
end up looking much like a miniature
Mastiff or Boxer (as demonstrated
above with my dog Penny). If you’re
looking for a small dog that’s got a
great, easy-going temperament, and

is not overly tiny and wimpy-looking,
perhaps a Chug is the perfect dog for
you.

—Chloé Bach

season and finally you will be able to
understand what people are discussing
around the water cooler! Okay, maybe
not, but it’s still a darn good show. Also
Pam and Jim finally get together, so
what’s not to enjoy about this superb
series?

—Matthew Steinbach

AC/DC tickets. A heart attack later,
mostly due to the pipe-beating my Visa
had endured, I realized my boyhood
dreams had come true. I would see
Angus Young do his duck walk across
the stage at GM Place. My eardrums
and the eardrums of every member

of the Watrich clan who owns a penis
would be blown away by The ‘DC
come this November. Sidenote: fuck
you, Ticketmaster.

—Kris Watrich

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