January 21, 2004

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Healing Heartache

Leigh Hale ‘
OP Contributor

I recently got dumped by a man |
was very much ga ga goo goo, can’t think

cally, madly, crazy in love with. Did I say recently? I mean
four months ago, but it was the longest four months in the his-
tory of the world.

 

Kleenex surgically removed from my trembling hands.

It’s not the being alone part that bothered me so much, it was the feeling of
not being good enough or deserving enough of my ex-boyfriend’s love. A love that,

in the beginning, he gave so freely.

My road to recovery has been fairly treacherous, but I have finally picked myself up
from the depths of despair and learned that it IS possible to conquer “love addiction.”

Here are a few pointers:

-- straight, butterflies in tummy 24/7, starry-eyed, patheti-

Having your heart broken is a very humbling experience. Not

only is your ego shattered, but your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth
plummet as well. I spent the first two months after my break-up in torren-
tial tears. My friends and family were beginning to think I'd need to have the

leaves
you a message, do not call back.
Do not respond to emails either. You have
come so far...do not thwart all your efforts for a full
recovery by giving into this seemingly overwhelming temptation.

KEEP BUSY
Nothing helps you heal faster than regaining your independence. Conversely,
nothing makes you heal more slowly than sitting at home by yourself on a
Friday night being the guest of honour at your very own pity party. Go out! Even
if you don’t want to. Visit a friend, go to the movies, get your butt to the gym.
Anything that can help take your mind off thoughts of your former beloved.

PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST

Do not leave reminders of your ex lying about. This includes pictures, cards,
letters, dried flowers from your first date, or eggshells from your
first breakfast in bed together. Whatever the mementos are,
get rid of them! Or at least put them in a box in the garage,
safely out of your reach.

DISCONTINUE ALL CONTACT WITH YOUR EX DO NOT CALL THAT PERSON!
Do not fall victim to the old adage, “let’s be friends.” It’s bullshit. It cannot work, especially if you I know I have already mentioned this, but I cannot stress it
are the “dumpee.” In maintaining contact with your ex, you are only setting yourself up for further enough. It is also the hardest step to follow. Come on
(and repeated) agony—BELIEVE ME! If you really feel you cannot imagine your life without now...fess up...how many of you have already blown this part
this person in it in some capacity, for the love of God, give yourself a minimum of three months of the recovery process?

with no contact and then re-assess the situation at that time. I guarantee you will feel differ-

ently from how you are feeling right now.

Breaking up sucks, but life does go on, I promise. In
time, you will feel better, even if you have a slip up

GRIEVE or two (I know I did). But be patient, and
Yes, it is okay for you to cry (you too, guys!). Let it out, it’s healthy. You have likely just invested most of all, be good to yourself. And if all
a lot of time and given a lot of love to your ex. It is perfectly normal to experience withdrawal else fails, might I suggest a guys’ or girls’
from your addiction. So go ahead...wail like a baby. BUT, don’t do this for too long, because night out? Have fun, let loose, go

it can be hazardous to your recovery. party. Or better yet...go shopping!

After all, nothing spells closure

TALK IT OUT like a brand new pair of
Again, this may be a little more difficult for the testosterone bearers to do, boots...especially if your
but talking about your feelings to trusted friends and family members ex’s Visa is still in your
is highly therapeutic. It is important that you not spend too possession!

much time alone in the early phases of the break-up process, so
surrounding yourself with people you care about, and who care
about you, is crucial to your healing process. In addition,
loved ones can also keep you from picking up that phone
or typing that email.

BE STRONG!
No matter how tempted you may be,
if your ex contacts you, do
NOT make yourself avail-
able. Check your call
display. If it’s your
exs number, do
not pick up
the phone.
If your
ex

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