, ES i Discipline? There is no established def- inition of child abuse. The law vaguely defines it as ‘‘excess- ive use of force.’’ Mike McAll- ister, a-social worker at the Help Line for Children, said, *‘A spanking can be abusive if it is delivered too hard.’’ Hit: ting a child anywhere other discipline, abuse,”’ he said. by Anne Evans of The Muse for CUP The room is small and smokey. The pounding disco beat drowns out any attempt at conversa- tion, but no communication problem exists here. The dance floor is overflowing with people. The flashing coloured lights make it difficult to tell who is dancing with whom. For the people who frequent this bar it doesn’t matter. If you feel like dancing, you dance. If you want to hug or kiss someone, you do it. The Zoo is primarily a bar for gay men, but a surprising number of people here are straight women, Why do these women come here? Surely not for a sexual conquest because this bar offers a refuge from that. ‘I like céming here because I’m generally mis- understood by straight people, men and women. I love the gays because they accept me for what I am and I can be myself with them,’ explains Sharon, who frequents the Zoo. ‘‘In straight bars you constantly watch yourself because you know that guys are watching you. If you want to dance you have to find a man to dance with you and often you end up sitting there waiting for some guy to ask you. At the Zoo people are liberal minded; they have no pretenses about their sex- uality or anything. They are what they are and you are what you are,’’ she says.’ Her friend Pam. points out some women don’t like that kind of freedom. ‘‘I have a friend who hates the Zoo and I think it’s because she doesn’t want to be understood. She likes to be a sex object and a glorified possession. When she walks into the Zoo it’s lost time for her because the men don’t respond to that image.”’ There are a lot of women who share Pam and Sharon’s enjoyment of the gay community, but society has found labels for them--‘‘fag hags’’ and “fruit flys’’ who have emerged in the shadows of the gay movement. : The people at the Zoo have a number of theories as to why there is an alliance or attraction be- tween gay men and straight women. ‘‘Both gay men and straight women are victim- ized by society. Each can identify with the other’s oppression and that creates a bond, said one man. He feels many of the so-called ‘‘fag hags’’ are looking for a support group and the gay commun- ity fills that need. ‘‘Sexual promiscuity and the availability of drugs and booze are a part of that.”’ he says. One aspect of the ‘attraction almost everyone agrees on is that gays have great parties. “When I went away to school I was thrilled to meet the ‘‘partiers’’ that were there because I knew that they’d be great’, says Sharon. ‘‘We’d than on the bottom, or leaving any sort of mark is improper and therefore Abusive parents are not necessarily monsters. Most often they love their children, but cannot cope with everyday life and need help dealing with their problems. Child welfare agencies wish to leave families Women Living In Gay Men’s World RS, together, but sometimes this W—>simply cannot be. A Children may be removed from abusive parents for a short period of time. A social worker gives counselling to the parent(s), and then the child is returned. ‘‘Sometimes prescribed cure for the prob-: lem. Law requires every citizen to report suspected child abuse. [Centre A person who is aware of such a situation can be charged if they do not take action. This includes professionals such as doctors and teachers. Incidents may be reported to the Help Line for Children at Zenith 1234, or to any Human Resources office. Parents in need of counselling may also contact these agencies. us. March 24: arch 25: ‘April 29: Fund raising project for the egional Lesbian Conference. ances held at the Capri Hall, 925 Fraser St., Vancouver. ickets available at Ariel, Wo- en’s Bookstore, and Octo- Women Singing: c d. **Sc }, | Community Program ‘“‘It’s Every Sunday 3-5 pm at Little it works, sometimes it doesn’t, [Just Your Nerves’’; a present- Mountain said McAllister. There is no fibus on women’s use and House (24th & Main). All wo- buse of minor tranquilizers. men welcome to sing feminist 7:00 pm Douglas College Women’s songs. For more info. call Neighbourhood j /political/women’s culture Beryl at 435-7525 go over to this guy Joe’s house and party all night, (something that was not tolerated at that stuffy school), but we’d get all our work done anyway.”’ ‘‘The reason I like the Zoo is that the people seem more cosmopolitan,’’ says Pam. ‘‘When I first saw Gordon he was wearing a leopard skin shirt and eye make-up, dancing alone in front of the mirror at the Zoo. I was so intimidated-I felt like such a small town hick. I would see him at parties, still thinking he was New York City in a capsule, and he’d always smile. Of course, I'd felt very important and flattered that he recognized me but when I got to know him I found he was really open and considerate and honest, even when I didn’t know him all that well. My image of him skyrocketed.”’ There are however, deeper causes for the attrac- tion, besides an exciting night life. Straight wo- men and gay men can learn a lot from one another. Because they don’t see each other as sex objects they can be very open and honest about their sexuality, giving them a chance to explore each other. ‘‘Homosexuals can learn what women are and where the differences between the sexes lie,’’ says Gordon. ‘‘Some want to study women to become more like them or to learn about a part of themselves which they perceive as being fem- inine.”’ ‘‘Having gay friends gives a women the oppor- tunity to learn about men-to pursue their own curiosity about the male mind. It also gives them access to a man’s opinion without the barrier of being a sex object,’’ adds Pam. Because so many gay men feel it’s necessary to be open about their sexuality women can indulge in the same freedom and express their own sex- uality as well-something society teaches them to suppress. “‘T generally like sensitive men-that’s why I have so many gay friends,’’ says Dawn, another Zoo regular. ‘‘Bob listens to what I have to say and takes it at face value. He doesn’t put up any macho front when I talk about my feelings.”’ ‘Paul and I talk about everything-especially men,’’ says Sharon. ‘“‘I find I can’t relate on a one-to-one basis with straight men. There always seems to be a distance that you can’t cross. Paul likes me for what and who I am.” These women feel gay men care about their appearances more than straight men. There is a preconception that women are kinder and gentler and that seems to be a key part of the relation- ship... “I look for honesty, loyalty, and time in a friendship and that’s more female,’’ says Paul. ‘Women are open and candid about personal feeling and gay men find them a better ear. they just try to understand you more.”’ Gordon agrees. ‘‘Men are flighty sexually and women are steadfast. Straight male sexuality is 4 ‘influenced by too many things-macho images, social pressure-they are out for procreation and] put too much emphasis on that. Besides, there are a lot more homophobic males than females.’’ As to the type of relationship between gay men and straight women, some feel it’s basically a mother-son type of relationship. Others disagree. “‘There’s a part of me that’s very necessary to satisfy, to be a provider and a protector, and it has nothing to do with being 0,’’ says John. But his case is different, he’s married, ‘‘the likelihood (if you are gay) of finding someone you’ ll spend the rest of your life with is very slim. That’s why it’s good having Sheila (his wife). Friendship is far more important than sex. It gets me a lot er than a few pokes.”’ On any night at the Zoo, you will notice an unusual amount of physical contact-touching, hugging, and kissing between the men and wo- _ men. ‘Society is paranoid about physical contact,’’ says Gordon.-/‘People like that contact but social conditioning steps in and makes it a sexual act. Although, I think that a lot of women can be touched without initial sexual connota- tions.”’ The women agree. ‘‘It’s a boost to your ego to be} touched by a member of the opposite sex that you like, especially without sexual overtones. It re- stores your faith in human nature-not that hug- ging a gay man is never a sexual act, you just feel safe knowing that it’s merely flirtation and not seduction. Even though these two groups come together for other reasons, other than sex, it does happen that a gay man will sleep with a woman. This occurs only as a result of the promiscuous aspect of the gay lifestyle. Sex with a woman is secondary to sex with a man. ‘I can be in bed with a woman and make love to her, but only as a release from previous arousal by a man,’’ says Paul. ‘‘It’s very flattering when a woman comes on to you, but if she persists, it can be infuriating.’ “T once had a sexual relationship with a gay man,’’ says Dawn. ‘‘I became interested in an- other man while we were still seeing each other. At the same time, he met Bob (his present lover). Now we are the best of friends. The sex never got in the way of that.’’ Gay men who have slept with women come to understand them’ better and it also helps the women understand them. The fact that they are |. not drawn together soley because of sex shows a need and willingness to communicate with each other. But there are still barriers between the two. At least these people at The Zoo are exploring each other’s world and breaking barriers to com- munication, while at the same time exploring and | understanding their own sexuality