eve, A&E Editor

The hall of great musicians is
going to have to nudge a little
closer together to make room
for 50 Cent, who has estab-
lished himself as one of, if not
the, greatest musical minds in
human history. His latest
record, The Massacre, is a piece
of musical art and mastery not
seen since the days of
Beethoven. It is clear when one
hears the first song, the cleverly
entitled “In My Hood,” that even
though it may seem like just
another hip-hop CD with tedious
beats, repetitious vocal arrange-
ments, and lyrics dealing only with
sex, violence, and growing up in the
hood, that there are far more layers
here.

Take, for example, the first single
“Candy Shop.” While, to the uncul-
tured, the line “Give it to me baby nice
and slow/Get on top ride it like you’re
in a rodeo” may seem to indicate some

type of sexual innuendo—or, perhaps,
tips on how to win a medal at the
Calgary Stampede—50 Cent, or “fitty”
amongst his musical peers, is actually
attempting to make a political comment
on how class relations can lead to an
undervaluing of human life. The non-
stop political and social commentary
continues in the masterpiece “Get in
my Car.” It is clear that “fitty” is
attempting to make his case for renew-
able energy when he says “Bitch, get in
my car.” Clearly 50 Cent’s car is an elec-
tric one, and the bitch is you, me, and
everyone else on the planet.

While the lyrical diversity and
power, akin to Shakespearean prose
when its excellence is even comprehen-
sible, would be enough to ensure this
album’s place in the annals of musical
history, the musical craftsmanship can-
not be ignored. Even though over a
dozen producers worked on the album,
one can rest assured that 5 to the O dot
was in control at all times. From the

 

Jesus has returned. .10 ROCK!

 

Iain W. Reeve, A&E Editor

fter years of prophecy,

rumour, debate, and suspi-

cion, Jesus has returned and
he has one message for all of us: “Let
anyone among you who is without sin
be the first to rock!” This past week-
end at a secret location, to a packed
house of contest winners and major-
label executives, Jesus and his band,
The JC-2 Rocktronic Experience, took
the rock rule book, chewed it up, spat
it out, and then found all the pieces
which had been scattered all over, ate
them, and spat them out again. This
process was repeated several times
until every member of the audience
had reached rock salvation, and all
other memories of music had been
purged from their bodies. The band
itself is composed of Lithnar the alien
laying out incomprehensible beats on
the skins, Sasquatch breaking down
the floorboards on bass, and US mili-
tary mainstay Batboy squealing out on
keyboards and backup vocals. They

10 | www.theotherpress.ca

are, of course, only mere amateurs in
relation to the big man himself and his
unthinkable guitar licks—nailing notes
so high they could only come from the
Son of God. The highlight of the con-
cert no doubt came when roadies for
the band were kind enough to distrib-
ute water to the exhausted audience.
However, moments later, Jesus laid
down a monumental 17-minute
solo—at the end of which every mem-
ber of the audience discovered their
water had turned to wine.

Jesus tells us that this secret show
was only meant to attract industry
attention for the band’s one and only
album, a ten-track, quadruple-disc
release, entitled The Ten Commandments.
A full tour of every city of the world
is planned. “We’re going to be out
there spreading the message of peace,
love, and classic rock.” Jesus says.

When asked about all the wars,
prejudice, and unjust political actions
carried out in his name over the past

couple thousand years, Jesus was dis-
missive. “I dunno, man. I just know
how to play guitar and spread love.” In
support of Jesus, Sasquatch added,
“Rather than attempting to explain the
psychological, or meta-moral justifica-
tions for human-religious behaviour
over the last two-thousand years, we
prefer to assume that the best way to
alter the communal social and moral

numerous samples of gun shot
screams (a major departure from
stream hip hop) in the intro, 1
sampled strings in “In My Hoo
the beautiful chorus of angry
men in “Disco Inferno,” to the sa’
horns in the album’s stirring fin
Don’t Need ’Em,” this is clearly
era dawning.

Fitty O Centarini has managed
what no other artist has ever di
create a stirring, emotional, artisti
intellectual saga through the z
redundancy and repetition. If all
cal artists around the world, fro!
hop to indie rock, could just leart
tle something from 50 Cent’s stul
persistence to not do anything ot
then music could finally re-emei
the powerful art form it was cet

- ago. Until then, this editor will be

here just wishing that God gay
style. |

 

beliefs of the world is by spr
peace and love, attributes we: |
all should exude if we are ‘
achieve a harmonious: metap]
existence.” While Lithnar ren
silent. throughout the al
Batboy added, “SQUEEEEEE]

Rock on, Jesus.

March 30/2005