Have an idea for a story? M humour@theotherpress.ca Hit new season of ‘Presidential Election’ a flop > Unlikeable characters and unbelievable plotlines make this the worst season yet Greg Waldock The episode’s greatest failing was, of were intelligent, and the outcome was Staff Writer course, the comedy. Presidential Election — emotionally satisfying. It took a sharp has always straddled the line between decline in the 2012 season as the Tea he final episode of the hit new comedy and drama, but this entire last Party, a rogue Republican faction with political thriller, Presidential season has been falling too heavily a love for nationalism and bibles, took Election, perfectly encapsulated all the into slapstick and Simpsons-like plot control of the GOP and forced in its flaws of the season in its entirety. contrivances. Donald Trump, the wacky — own candidates. This latest season The new leads, Donald Trump eccentric reality show host, was fun to took that previous trend and amped (Alec Baldwin) and Hillary Clinton (Kate watch at first, but quickly dominated it up to eleven, completely jumping McKinnon), topped off'a lackluster the spotlight as fans latched on to his the shark. Ben Carson openly rejected show with canned performances, poor zany bigotry and snappy one-liners. His global warming, Chris Christie shut dialogue, glaring contradictions from ascent into the White House was about down a bridge project out of spite, previous episodes, and some cringe- as believable as Homer getting aboard and in an insane plot twist, Ted Cruz worthy hacking scenes. The rest of the the International Space Station. Hillary turned out to be the Zodiac killer. cast was an odd assortment of past Clinton, the austere career politician, Donald Trump also represented all characters such as the last season’s leads W@S@ More realistic character, but these bad qualities, combined and Barack Obama (Kevin Hart) and Mitt totally dull and unlikeable*4especially amplified by his Twitter account, and Romney (Jason Alexander), as well asa when compared to Bernie Sanders, still somehow edged out all competition host of unwelcome and forced cameos the charismatic and energetic old with little effort. It’s just lazy writing. from Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Anne man who was mysteriously written We're all hoping the next season Coulter, Vladimir Putin, and Mitt out of the show halfway through. will be a return to true form. TMZ Romney. The only redeeming additions The show hit its high note with has outlined the upcoming cast: The to the cast this season were ridiculous the famed 2008 season, which featured Democrats get Jon Stewart, Tulsi and entertaining newcomers Bernie the legendary lineup of Barack Obama, Gabbard, and Kanye West, while the Sanders, Ted Cruz, Chris Christie, and John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Joe Republicans get Clint Eastwood, Alex Ben Carson (all played by Doug Jones). “Diamond” Biden, and Ron Paul. The Jones, and a man who looks suspiciously writing was sharp, the characters like George W. Bush in a fake moustache. _ = | don't think you're so great _ OPPOSABLE THUMB Study shows household appliances become infinitely louder in the middle of the night Underdog unfortunately comes out on top Cold War rages on SkyTrain between pas- sengers fighting for space And more! Breaking News: Periods proven to be the worst > ‘Like honestly the absolute worst, say many victims Rebecca Peterson Humour Editor Vos from around the world are reporting in to confirm that yes, in fact, “that time of the month’ can go directly to Hell and never return, because it is the worst. “Like, imagine the worst thing you can think of, said Dr. Clint Oris, ina statement to the Other Press last week. “Something physically painful, and messy, probably a little gross. Then imagine going through it once a month for 40 years or so. Why are humans built like this?” Periods, for those who don’t have them, involve the shedding of uterine lining, causing small, birth-like contractions within the uterus that hurt like a son of a bitch. Then, while bleeding on all the things you love, this stupid, human- specific fuckery of nature causes sufferers to undergo flu-like symptoms such as fever, nausea, chills, and full-body aching. “Tt can also fuck with your emotions,” said one period-sufferer, Dolores Howe. “Which makes non-period havers say stupid things like ‘Oh, how can we trust women in public office if they might set off a nuke once a month?’ Yeah, okay Gary, how many women have set off nukes in the past century compared to men? The answer is none. What, was Truman on his rag in 1945? Goddamn.” Many period-havers agree that the worst thing about periods is not necessarily the period itself, but people's reactions to periods. “Listen, there is only one good response to hearing someone say, ‘I’m on my period,” said fellow period-sufferer Charlie Fairweather. “That response is to load up on chocolate, salt and vinegar chips, and ice cream, and to bring the person suffering a period lots of blankets and green tea. If you start saying shit like ‘Oh, it can’t be that bad’ or ‘Getting kicked in the balls hurts way worse, you suck, and someone’s probably going to punch you in the dick.” There are those who say that their period cramps are much less severe and can be managed by eating well and exercising. These people are overachievers, and live in a very different universe than most humans do. “They can be admired froma distance, but clearly their experiences differ from the average uterus-owner,” said Fairweather, shaking their head. “Youre not gonna catch me jogging and doing push-ups on my period, that’s for sure. Curling up in the fetal position and crying softly, that’s much more likely” Though over half the planet is likely to suffer from them once a month, the dreaded menstrual cycle is unlikely to go away anytime soon.